October 1, 2009

Romanticizing The Lifestyle

This is a reality check. I encounter too many people who believe that entering this lifestyle will be the cure-all for everything that is wrong in their life. People somehow believe that submitting to another will alleviate any relationship difficulties of the past. At the same time, the idea of "owning" someone is viewed as a hassle-free endeavor. Unfortunately for these people, reality is far different.

I wrote a number of times about the lunacy of online relationships. Too many mistake them for being real. Online does not mirror real time at all. It is far easier to interact with someone when there is no face-to-face contact. Some believe that what they are experiencing is accurate. However, anyone who moved from online to real time will attest at the drastic difference between the two. The bubble bursts when reality hits.

Often, I will equate aspects of this lifestyle with marriage. With regards to what we are mentioning here, there is an analogy that is applicable. When people are younger, especially women, they have a tendency to romanticize marriage. Little girls can tell you all the dreams they have pertaining to their wedding day. It is a fantasy they carry with them.

My question is how often does reality reflect that fantasy? For most, the answer is never. Rarely does marriage end up being the golden path of eternal bliss. Marriage is a relationship. With it comes an assortment of difficulties as two people try to forge a life together. The last few decades witnessed the increase in marriage failures. Reality certainly is different than reality.

The same applies to this lifestyle. Those who carry with them the illusions of some incredible sex while submitting to a powerful one are mistaken. BDSM will not solve your life problems. Just because you submit to another, that does not mean that you are no longer responsible for your children. Financial issues plague us the same way as anyone else. And, Masters/Doms are people with the normal conditions that affect all humans. Life still exists.

My conclusion is that many look to this way of life to try and counterattack their failures in other areas. While BDSM offers something that is right for many of us who did not fit into the traditional realm, this is not something that is going to make up for complete ineptness in life. Some people are just terrible at relationships in general; not intimate but any type of relationship. They approach BDSM with the mindset that this will solve things. It will not.

The bottom line is to get realistic about what this way of life offers. If you are suffering in life, BDSM most likely will not solve it. People who cannot get along with others at work, in school, or in intimate relationships will not fare much better here. BDSM is nothing more than a lifestyle choice of how to structure a relationship. However, we must never forget it is a relationship and with that goes a lot of uncertainty.

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