August 31, 2008

The Freedom of BDSM

One of my highest values in life is freedom. Many talk about this concept yet few realize it. A lot of us are slaves to our jobs. We show up each day so that we are able to meet our financial responsibilities. At the same time, we are continually influenced by the beliefs and ideas of society. It is this conditioning that steals our freedom.

BDSM is something that is frowned upon by the “normal” people. Those who partake in this way of life are viewed as perverted and sick. That is the generally accepted belief. However, those involved have chosen to live in a manner which is accepting to them. This choice is the path to freedom.

The technique of erotic humiliation is a prime example of how we can reject commonly accepted principles. “Degrading” another is frowned upon in this era. Calling someone a name such as slut, whore, bitch, or piece of meat is often met with an angry reaction. Society trains us to believe this is wrong. However, there are many who really enjoy this technique. This degradation really enhances their pleasure, especially during sex.

BDSM is something that is considered non-mainstream, thus making us non-conformists. Most of us know the price we paid trying to conform. Society tells us that relationships need to take on a certain look. It is between a man and a woman who interact until they decide it is time to make the lifelong commitment. This is the prevailing model for relationships. Of course, this is a mold that many of us did not fit into. We discovered there was always something “wrong” or “missing” when we tried to live according to the commonly accepted belief.

I know that BDSM is not for everyone. At the same time, I believe this is also true for a traditional relationship. There are many who are ideally suited for BDSM, yet succumb to the pressure of society. Submissiveness is a quality that is deemed a sign of weakness. Making the decision to be involved in BDSM opens up one to rejection by family and friends. Nevertheless, it is also one that leads down the path to freedom.

BDSM is right for some people. Many of us know the feeling of “being home” when we accept this as a part of our life. Getting in touch with that inner core which tells us that we are either dominant or submissive while giving us an avenue to satisfy that inner calling is a wonderful feeling. Living life according to what is true for oneself is what freedom is. And, this is what the BDSM lifestyle offers.

Referenced :

August 30, 2008

A sub or a slave

There often is a great debate as to what is the difference between a slave and a sub. Many will aruge that they are both the same with no difference between the two. I surmise this is the minority viewpoint. However, it is one that is strongly held by those who have it. In my opinion, the two vary significantly.

A slave is one who engages in total powere exchange in all areas of his or her life. Through this exchange, the person is property of Master. No aspect of his/her life is off limits. This is known as being 24/7 within the lifestyle. A slave is owned 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Things such as holiday or vacation are non-existent. This particular method of the lifestyle is complete.

The other side of the equation is a sub. A slave is a sub while a sub is not necessarily a slave. Basically, a sub is one who is desires giving control over to another. He or she is a submissive person in a particular area. The most common area to see this play out is sexually. A sub is not necessarily submissive in all aspects of life. We often see men and women who are powerful in business become submissive sexually. It is how that person chooses to release.

A sub will often limit his or her submission. While engaging in a total power exchange in that areas, the power is limited only to that aspect. Also, the exchange can be temporary in nature. For example, a sub might be submissive to a Dom/Domme during a scene, it ends when that scene is over. A Dom/Domme could engage some erotic humiliation by calling the sub names during the play time. However, after they are done, they go back to an equal basis. It could be inappropriate for One to call a sub a slut or whore outside the bounds of the scene. This shows how there can be a limit to all that can occur within the realm of a sub.

It is best to think of a sub as one who maintains a degree of control over life. This is not true for a slave. He or she has nothing to say once the submission occurs. The main difference is the power exchanged.

August 26, 2008

Reality versus Fantasy

There is so much confusion regarding the BDSM world. Many believe that what they see in videos and pictures on the net is reality. Sadly, it is not. The truth is that people who are involved in BDSM are more "normal" than people are usually led to believe. A day in the life of a Master/Dom and slave/sub is not as exotic as some would think.

Life happens to all of us. There are bills to be paid, kids to be tended to, and responsibilities to be met. Choosing this lifestyle, even for an author in it such as myself, does not mean that I can turn my back on the other areas of life. This is true for many of us in the lifestyle. Certainly, there are some who are in a position to partake in this full time. However, I would say they are the minority.

The pictures on the Internet make it seem so simple: the idea of being in complete bondage while being whipped or suspended is intoxicating. Once again, this is not quite reality. First, often those in the pictures are professional actors. There is a cast of people who are experienced in creating a safe environment for the scene to occur. Also, most do not have the financial resources for all the accessories used in those images. To fully stock a "dungeon" easily runs into many thousands of dollars. This is something that is normally outside one's capability. Finally, if you thought hiding your "toys" from the children is tough, try hiding an entire room. Once again, if kids are around, they tend to be those life issues which can arise.

So how do we approach this in a realistic manner? It starts with understanding that what is "romanced" about in stories and pictures on the web is most likely an exaggeration of reality. It is similar to how a love affair is portrayed in the movies. Who the heck ever lives happily ever after without conflict? I can't even go a week without arguing with myself, let alone someone else. The same is true in our lifestyle. It is not accurately portrayed by those who put forth the imagery.

August 21, 2008

Direction Of The Relationship

A Master needs to have the inner strength to take control of the relationship while steering it in the direction that He wants it to go. Too many fail to take the responsibility associated with being a Master seriously. Leadership does have it's price.

Most newbies are enamored with the idea of being in control. To have one do whatever He says is a fantasy. However, like all fantasies, reality tends to be a little different. The BDSM world is a great deal more than just whips and chains. The deeper that people get into the lifestyle, the more responsibility that comes along. This is magnified when a relationship is established.

What One's responsibility? It starts with safety. This needs to be foremost one a Master/Dom's mind. Even while He is enjoying the pleasure of a scene, it is up to Him to determine if things are proceeding safely or not. Many do not like to hear that if one is hurt, He is the One who is at fault. It is just too easy to want the control without the responsibility. Unfortunately, that is a fantasy and not how reality works.

August 19, 2008

Educate Yourself

I mentioned a number of times all the different facets to the BDSM world that exist. Often, new people ask me, how do I get started? My belief is there is no substitution for education. The Internet, for all it's shortcomings, does offer the opportunity to learn a great deal about what this way of life is all about. It is helpful to have some idea what you are getting yourself into.

Like any other area, the BDSM world has it's own terminology. It is beneficial to find out what is meant by scene, dom, sub, watersports, and TPE. Learning the terms will also provide areas for you to further research. Determining what interests you is a crucial part of the learning experience. This will lay to foundation for establishing/realizing where your limits are.

I try to make this site informative with posts that will help steer people in the right direction. Be sure to read a variety of different viewpoints. One drawback to the Internet is that it allows anyone to provide their point of view. Sadly, this opens the door for a great deal of misinformation. Going to a variety of different resources will enable you to see the true information from the propaganda.

There is no reason to enter into this lifestyle blond. Do you research ahead of time to save yourself some pain and misery down the road. Safety is the number 1 priority and there is no better way to protect yourself then being armed with the proper knowledge. Dedicate the time to learning about this.

August 18, 2008

There Is Only Safe or Unsafe

Many feel they need to enter into the BDSM lifestyle in the "right" way. There is no right way or wrong way to approach this lifestyle if it is truly something that you want. Any who is genuine in his or her interest can pursue many different avenues. The lifestyle is simply that diverse.

Get it out of your mind that there is a 'wrong" way to go about things. More important than the question of right/wrong is the question is something safe or not. Safety is the main concern for those who are serious about this way of life. There are too many ways to harm another even without meaning to. Accidental injuries and even death, can result from a scene gone bad. It is important to be make safety the top thought in all that you do.

Physical safety is one aspect to look after. Another is the mental and psychological on an individual. Many do not have the stability to endue certain aspects of our lifestyle. For example, erotic humiliation is something which needs to be done with someone who has the esteem to handle it. People who suffer from low self worth can be harmed by this technique. We need to stress that safety is the main priority.

August 16, 2008

Personality Conflict

I have found that dealing with the personality challenges among subs can one of the greatest challenges for a Dom. This is evident when inviting another to participate within an existing relationship. It seems that women have a tougher time than men in accepting another into the mix. Even in situations where the sole basis for getting together is sex, this is still true.

There was a situation I encountered in the past where I was dealing with three women. At first I was seeing woman A. She was a sub who loved what I did with her. When I got involved with woman B, woman A was interested in exploring her bi-sexual side. Yet, she did not like something about woman B so she declined to get physical with her. Then I added woman C to the mix. You can see where this is going can't you? Woman B did not like woman C for some reason. Thus, three bi-sexual women who did not play with each other.

Many think that entering into the BDSM lifestyle is an easy thing. There are many emotions to deal with. The average person is emotionally immature. People, in general, cannot get past the minor nuances that others have. In the above situation, woman A could not tell me why she did not like woman B. And, woman B held a woman C under the microscope of a belief that she had (in other words, judged her). Individuals seem to think that their viewpoints are right. Sadly for them, the reality is that it is just an opinion.

What happened in the end? All three women, A, B, & C, we let go. The immaturity level was too much to deal with. I do not want to take on more headaches by my decision to be involved in this lifestyle. People who are too difficult tend to get put to the curb. Remember this the next time you are rejecting someone over something minor. The One you are with may turn that same judgment on you.

August 11, 2008

The Reality Of The BDSM Lifestyle

Many think that the M/s relationship is the cure-all for whatever ails them. This really seems to be prevalent among those who’s experience is limited to online interaction. It is vitally important to remember that the M/s relationship is just another of the many relationships which people experience in life. It is a method in which like minded people interact.

Just because someone enters into this arena, it does not mean that life stops. The everyday situations which all people encounter still exists. We are not immune to life problems. There are circumstances which are unenviable that must be dealt with. Submitting to another (or receiving the submission) means that we have reconciled a certain aspect of out lives. Issues such as career, health, and family still must be handled accordingly.

I had a situation which exemplifies how this can occur. My last live in slave left me about a year ago. She was a faithful and dedicated submissive. We were both happy and fulfilled in the relationship. One day, she calls me at work to let me know she just received a phone call from back home. Her son was hospitalized with a serious life threatening condition. (Thankfully he made it through and is fine). The course of action which was evident to both of us. She returned to her hometown up north to tend to her family situation. Because of her ex-husband’s inability to deal with things, she was forced to remain to tend to her son.

As you can imagine, this radically changed our relationship. Looking back, there is absolutely no regret with how things transpired. Her place was tending to her offspring. At the time of her leaving, she was not released since she had the intention of returning. When it became apparent that she would not be, I set her free. I find it extremely difficult to have an online relationship after being 24/7 with someone. As important as the M/s relationship was to each of us, her family was a priority.

This example shows how the M/s relationship is susceptible to all the other life influences. I could have just as easily been her boyfriend, new husband, or some guy that she ran away with. Regardless, her course of action would have been the same. The fact that I was her Master did not alter what her priority was.

I am certain there are some who will question the level of commitment that we had to each other based upon how things worked out. There are some Masters who believe they are the only One who matters. Well, I am a believer that the M/s relationship exists in the larger context of life. Anyone with children has a responsibility to tend to them. For me, getting in the way of a woman acting on her maternal instinct is improper.

Also, the fact that she has not returned might be taken as a lack of commitment. Again, I will not impede her fulfilling a responsibility that existed long before I entered the picture. Time and distance make this relationship at a deep level impractical. With no end in sight to her commitment to her family, it is impossible to plan in the future. The reality is that outside issues affected this relationship.

The lesson here is that life still happens. Many brides (or grooms) feel that getting married will solve all their problems. We know that once the honeymoon ends, life hits. Applying the same logic to the M/s lifestyle will yield the same fruitless results.

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Unrealistic Expectations

Of late we have referred to some of the expectations that people have when entering a M/s relationship. It seems that many believe this type of relationship is the solution to all their problems. It is common to find a new person who is truly submissive (or dominant) take to this lifestyle immediately. Years of failure in traditional relationships left them with a void. Finding the M/s way of life is like a homecoming to them. They realize where they belong.

However, as we have mentioned on a number of occasions, life does happen. All that others need to deal with arise in our lives. While the M/s foundation affects all areas of our existence, it is not the only area where we operate in. Everyday responsibilities must be attended to. Failure to acknowledge this is setting oneself up for disappointment.

A great deal of what we experience in any situation is directly tied to the expectations we have entering it. What are your expectations with your M/s relationship? Do you believe this is the solution to all your problems? If so, you might want to reconsider that idea. The same problems that one enters into this lifestyle with will still be prevalent after submitting. Life issues continue to exist. This cannot be stressed enough.

Having someone else involved in your life can help you to overcome certain difficulties. By submitting, many of the decisions are taken away from you. This can be a blessing if one is bad at making decisions. Financial circumstances can change since there is someone else helping with the bills. However, just because one submitted does not necessarily mean that all problems go away. To expect this is completely out of touch with reality.

To have a successful M/s relationship, and to avoid future disappointment, it is necessary to enter with a realistic idea of what will happen. This lifestyle does not solve all of one’s problems. It is a way of living which allows us to be true to our nature. We develop a manner of interacting with another which is based in a methodology which works for us. It is understood that the person we are dealing with is human and will make mistakes. We resist the temptation to put him or her on a pedestal.

A M/s relationship can be one of the most fulfilling interactions one ever had. To be successful at it, there is a lot of effort required by both parties. Remember this when you suddenly realize that this lifestyle did not magically solve all your problems. In fact, different problems will arise because you entered this relationship. Accepting that as the reality will better prepare one to handle the unenviable situations when they arise.

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Poly Master

Many encounter the poly aspect of the BDSM only to find their surprise at the emotions which arise. As we wrote in other posts, jealousy is something that is best checked at the door. It matters little whether we are referring to a scene or to a long term relationship, the impact is still the same. Jealousy will destroy one if not both relationships.

There are a fair number of Doms/Masters who are involved with numerous people. This is a fact of the lifestyle that one needs to accept if she is to be happy. Failure to do so will result in her misery. When people first hear “poly” they immediately go to the sexual aspect. This is certainly a factor where this emotion needs to be dealt with. However, many encounter issues at greater depths. It is these issues which also crop up to hinder a relationship.

When One is involved with more than one person, His time is split as He sees fit. There is certainly the concept that He will be sexually involved with others. This is one of the areas where things are different than the non-poly situation. He also will divide His time among each in a way that best suits Him. How He decides to do this is not for a sub/slave to determine. Many fail to grasp the full meaning of this concept. If He chooses to have you sit at home while waiting for Him alone, then that is how it is to be.

The natural tendency is for one to want more. Unfortunately, it is not her place to insist upon this. Many will try to “Dom from the bottom” by acting like a spoiled brat. This will also have negative results with most Doms/Masters. They simply will not stand for it. If one cannot accept the terms of the lifestyle, it is best if she seek out something else. Perhaps a traditional model is a better fit for you.

Many will try to alleviate this entire situation by getting with One who is not poly. That might work in the short term. However, He always has the right to take on more in the future if He so chooses. Again, this is a reality of the lifestyle. Many cannot handle this type of situation. The jealousy bug is something that is too great to overcome. Sadly, I saw many who had to depart this way of life because of this single issue.

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August 10, 2008

Your Body Your Voice

Here is a story which was submitted by one of our readers. We decided to print it for your enjoyment.

Laying on top of the bed clothes… my body naked .. ripe… eager.. I am waiting.. just laying there,.. not touching myself.. not moving… my eyes closed as I listen to the sweet hypnotic tones of Your voice

Feel My breathe, warm on your body, feel it caress your skin as I move over you, slide above you, not touching but you know I am there, you can feel My presence as I glide My body close to yours, never touching you, never even a glancing brush against you.

Feel My lips My sweet one, feel them brush yours as I lean my head to touch your luscious lips, feel them touch you, feel them taste you as I deepen My kiss, open your mouth for Me, let me taste your sweet nectar as My tongue teases you, let Me drink from your mouth My love, taking your breath as I deepen My kiss.
Can you feel Me? Can you feel My body over yours, can you feel the heat from Me engulfing you as I move above you? I want your cum , I want you to cum for Me, I want your juices to flow when I command, I want you to beg Me for release, beg Me to please you, beg Me to grant your deepest wish, and this I will have.

My body aching as I listen to You, hearing Your words, moving slightly on the bed I feel my pussy weeping for You, the desire in me so strong, the need to touch so great, my fingers unbidden move to my wet, throbbing pussy, a brief passing touch as I gasp aloud.

Hand moving to my side as I sigh, knowing that to touch is forbidden, wriggling on the bed more as I try to find comfort, the ache in me so strong, the need so great,

Open your legs for Me, open them wide, let Me come between them , let Me touch you with My tongue, let Me lick you, let Me taste your essence, let Me kiss your sweet clit and nibble on it, let me take it in My mouth and suck on it, feel Me take you in My mouth, feel Me cover you with My warm wet mouth as My tongue teases your hard nub, moan for Me, let Me know you feel Me pleasing you, feel Me making your body want more.

My hips lifting as I hear Your voice, my pussy throbbing for You, Your touch running over me, my eyes closed tight as Your voice invades my head, Your thoughts mine, Your desires mine, Your touch on my body so real, so gentle, so firm, my gasp the only sound as I feel Your mouth closing on me.

Feel My fingers stroking you, feel Them touching you, feel Them invading you as I slide them deep in you, curling Them as I move Them, My fingers moving inside you, slowly at first, them faster, deeper, lift your hips for Me, open wide for Me, grind for Me, beg Me to give you what you want, what you need.

My hips moving up, my legs opening wider, my desire clear on my face as You whisper to me, your voice so clear and strong in my head, so close, so strong in my thoughts as You talk, my body responding to just Your words, Your power of suggestion. The bed dipping as You settle by my head, leaning over me, talking all the while as I writhe on the bed, Your voice hypnotic, Your suggestions clear, Your words opening my mind to Your suggestions, Your movements, not touching me but in my head You are, in my head I feel Your fingers moving in me, in my head I feel Your mouth on me, I feel You.

Feel My mouth close on your hard nipples, feel Me biting softly on them, feel Me suck on them, feel Me close tight on them as I pull them from your body, feel My mouth and my tongue running over them as My fingers bring you closer and closer to release, move your hips, lift for Me, push against My hand, take My fingers deeper inside you, take My mouth harder on you as you arch your back for Me, needing My touch, needing My body to give you pleasure.

My head spinning as Your words echo in my ears, my body a mass of nerve endings as I writhe on the bed, unable to stop myself as You talk so softly to me, whispers caressing me as You tell me to listen to You, only You, always You.. stretching my arms above my head.. my back arching as I feel Your fingers. Tongue, breath, body covering me.. Touching but not touching, but pleasing, always pleasing. My moans growing in my throat as I beg, needing release, wanting release, begging You for the ultimate release.

Feel My mouth kissing you, feel My weight pressing you to the bed, feel Me moving My fingers deeper, faster, feel your pussy throbbing on My hand, feel My thumb on your clit, rubbing it, teasing it, pleasing it as I bring you to orgasm, can you feel it, can you taste Me on your lips, do you want Me to let you cum for Me, only Me, always Me?

My head moving side to side on my pillow, my breathe coming in gasps as I squeeze my eyes tight shut, the stars behind my lips dancing in time to the throbbing, pulsing of my body, hips lifting and lowering, my body not mine, my body Yours as I feel my orgasm, ohhh god, my orgasm, single tear escaping as I try to hold it back, shaking as I feel the power of my orgasm build, not sure if I can stop it, not wanting to stop it, need to release it, opening my mouth I scream ‘ Oohhhhh god please Sir,, oohh please I beg You, please please please ‘


Body going into spasms as I cum hard,, stars shooting behind my lids as I feel the power of my orgasm running through me. Taking my body… invading my senses as I buck on the bed,, juices flowing as I pulse, throb, ache. The power, the feeling, the naked desire clear as I move on the bed, hands balling into fists as I ride it out, letting it take me, control me, giving in to it as I feel my ears flow down my face. What seems like years pass, my body calms, my breathing steadies as I finally open my eyes, turning my head I look at You, Your smile So Bright. So Strong. So Wonderful

Leaning close to me, Your lips brush against mine … ‘ Good Girl ‘ You whisper

Ego Deflation

There is lots written about the deflating of the ego within a sub/slave. It is common practice to focus upon her gaining the humility to properly serve her Dom/Master. However, one area that is often overlooked is the ego of the Dom/Master. Few speak of the importance of Him being humble in His approach to this lifestyle.

We have all seen the egoism taken to the extreme in the pretenders. They come around looking to dominate another without any clue about what this lifestyle is all about. The first thing they like to do is to tell how great they are. It seems that the opinions of others matters little to them. Their quest is to use and abuse. That is it.

At the same time, we see similar behavior from some Doms/Masters. These are the Ones who cannot be told anything. They feel that since they are the One in control, that they are always right. It is easy to spot these individuals: they are the Ones who allow no input from the sub/slave whatsoever. Her ideas are totally dismissed because of her position. That is a sign of One who’s ego is in full flight. Simply, He is out of control.

There is not a person walking this planet who is perfect. Also, no individual is right all the time. It is impossible to know everything there is to know about a particular subject; including this lifestyle. There is always something to learn. One who listens to others shows the humility necessary to improve Oneself. Therefore, ego deflation is vital to growth. Anyone who thinks that He knows has all the answers is just as dangerous as the pretender. There is an old saying: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

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August 8, 2008

Attention To Life

Many get in this lifestyle thinking this is the answer to all of life’s problems. Unfortunately, it is not. Life still happens. Masters need to be especially attentive to life. We simply cannot overlook our obligations because one submits to us. There needs to be the proper balance in our lives to handle each situation.

The tendency to focus on something new is basic among humans. We like the excitement that comes with anything that is different. A new slave fits into this category. On the reverse side, slaves experience the same sensations when they first submit. The desire to interact with a Master is great. One might have the thirst for talking/chatting with a slave throughout the entire day. Of course, this can have some adverse effects depending on One’s place in life.

Few of us are in the position where we can overlook something such as work. This is a responsibility which we need to attend to. Also, family obligations exist regardless of what type of lifestyle W/we pursue. Kids still need our attention and care. This entire situation gets magnified when One owns multiple slaves. The time required to assist each in her progress becomes a continual juggling act. This is where a Master needs to know when to step back.

Often, I will turn off my computer for an evening to the dismay of my slaves. It is something that I need to do. When they call, I will be brief with my conversations. Some will understand that I need this “me time”. Some, unfortunately, do not grasp this concept. Nevertheless, it is something that I need to do. There are a lot of different responsibilities which I carry. For me to be effective, I need to do what is best for my conditioning.

Do not overlook the details of Your life. Failure to do this will come back with negative consequences. Owning a slave(s) can be one of the most exciting things in our lifestyle. However, the challenges can be daunting. Each will want to occupy Your time. And when they don’t receive the attention, they will begin to feel that You are angry or upset with them. This is the inferiority conditioning that many slaves initially have. As a Master, I need to focus on all involved. This includes not only my slaves, but also my business associates, work personnel, family members, and spiritual comrades. Overlooking these other people will cause a lot of rift in my life.

Masters need to take charge. Whatever the reason for Your decisions, make sure You are using sound reasoning when attending to Your different activities. Sometimes a slave just needs to accept that she needs to wait. I find those who have experienced a fair amount of growth handle this with more understanding than the newer ones. A slave will not agree with every decision her Master makes. This is where One’s leadership abilities come into play. Take charge even when Your selections are not well received. That is part of what being a Master is all about.


I recently read something on line which peaked my interest. This particular individual believed that a slave had no limites; not if she was a true slave. This statement made me stand back and think. I was perplexed how someone could come to that conclusion. It made me re-evaluate what I believed on this matter.

Does a true slave have limits? Her desire is to serve her Master fully. Along the same lines, her place is to do whatever her Master desires. Once she submits, her life is no longer her own. With this reasoning, and up to this point, I can see how the above belief is correct.

However, there seems to be one fact that this individual was missing. A slaves place is to do whatever her Master desires if she is capable. This addition changes the situation a great deal. A slave might not be able to perform certain tasks. Of course, if it is something that she requires some training, then it might be an activity which she can learn. Yet, there are certain things that one might not be able to do no matter what her willingness. A Master needs to be aware of these.

Here are some examples slaves might have a tough time fulfilling if requested: dunking a basketball, performing brain surgery, rebuilding a car engine, solving mathematical equations, or translating an ancient text written in arabic. Even those her willingness might be complete, there are challenges which might not be overcome. Simply, the knowledge base isn’t there.

Here is another situation which is more applicable. Often a Master will ask a slave to perform some sexual activities which she is physically unable to do. An individual with a back issue comes to mind. Again, the person might have all the desire to do what her Master wants. However, physical limitations can exist. For a Master to push her past this is irresponsible and potentially dangerous. This is one of those situations where a Master needs to know to pull back.

So, a slave can and will have limitations. Even thought she exchange all her power, her trust is that her Master will act responsibly. One of the roles of a Master is to help her uncover her limits, try to push past them, and pull back when she cannot go further.

Non Acceptance

When many enter into this lifestyle, there is something they encounter which many have never experienced before; non-acceptance. Society has a way of alienating those who make choices that are different from the norm. It views anything/anyone who is different as bad. A prime example of this is the gay population. Many heterosexuals have cast an angry shadow over this group of people. They use their religious beliefs or bigotry as a means of justify hated and intolerance.

Many exhibit the same mentality towards those in this lifestyle. They feel that people who choose to be owned, poly, beaten, or used should be cast out in front of others. There is a moral superiority that is suddenly flexed. These same people will call our materials or ideas “garbage”. The intelligence of the arguments set forth is astounding. Of course, the people who issue these assertions do not appear to be mental giants to begin with.

I was reading some of the comments by these same type people lately. This post is the result of seeing the intelligent thought shown. It disheartens me to report that we now realize that these are not Harvard graduates. The Internet provides them a forum for them to flex their muscles. Of course, it is only “cyber” courage. In real life, they cower to the fear and ignorance that guide their lives.

Anyone who knows Me realizes how I am built. They also know the background that I come from which would lead Me to knock the snot out of most of the people. Yet we do not do that in a civilized society. We are expected to wage the battle with thoughts and ideas. So I will let the actions of the ignorant stand on their own.

Non-Acceptance is an easy path for many to take. It relieves them of the burden of having to open their minds up to something new. We can take the lessons learned from the black generation who lived through civil rights era, the gay community, or any other sector of society who was put down for the way they chose to live their lives. In the end, the strong are those who make the choices in their lives regardless of what others think.

August 7, 2008

The Types Of subs/slaves

Here are the different types of slaves as seen through the eyes of a slave akittenone. This is from her blog.

The Window Shopping Slave/Sub

Likes the look of it but not sure if she really wants to buy into it, will try it on a few times but still remain undecided

The Part Time Slave/Sub

A common type of slave/sub, they like the idea, they even enjoy the excitement rush but when its over, they go back to their normal lives and mark this up to a fun time, most of the time these are found online with no real time experience

The ‘I can change You’ Slave/sub

These are ones who believe that this life is one that You are only in because You have not met her yet, the white picket fence type, who really believe that You will change Your life to be with her only, a vanilla type with a few kinks,, which will no doubt be tamed over time and You will end up a married person with lights off and flannel nightgowns when in bed .

The online Slave/Sub

This is a dangerous one, she will agree to anything, no matter how ridiculous as she knows its only for 10 minutes, when He is gone she lights a cigarette and paints nails, ignoring all she has been told to do, when next online she will tell Him she has done all she has been told to do

The No Limit Slave/Sub

There is actually no such thing as a no limit slave/sub,, if they say they are then they are either delusional or not been with a Master with imagination

The Perfect Slave/Sub

This is one who tells her Master/Dom what ever He wants to hear, no matter her true feelings, she pretends to Him that she is a perfect person and no matter what He says she is in total agreement with ,, she tends to tell her Master/Dom one thing then complain to others about what He has said

The Pretend Slave/Sub

This is a good one, she is what ever a Master/Dom desires,, she has no limits and she will do the most ridiculous task given, this type is to be found mainly online as in reality she is instant messaging with 6 other people while doing tasks set by her Master/Dom

The Book Slave/Sub

This is on who has read every book she could find, searched every web site going, lots of knowledge but no practical experience, she can talk the talk but has yet to walk the walk , but to hear her talk she is a mine of information and knows everything on how it SHOULD be

The Judas Slave/Sub

This can be a dangerous one, she pretends to be friends with you only to then cause trouble within a relationship, she is an innocent party in all trouble that then takes place, acting as if she has no knowledge of what has been going on

The Selfish Slave/Sub

This is one who loves to interrupt when she knows her Master is with another person, she interrupts and makes her presence known, not one to take a back seat in any decisions, she loves to be the focus at all times

The Ageless Slave/Sub

This is one who in her profile is 18 but on her birth certificate is 55,, enough said ,, again mainly an online slave/sub

The Real Time Slave/Sub

This is a slave/sub who is actually now or has been a real slave/sub, they know the way things are and respect the lifestyle we live

The Reality Of Real Time

Many come into this lifestyle by getting involved with someone online. The Internet has allowed for communication and interaction with others worldwide. A drawback to this wide communication network is that we have lost a lot of the one-on-one interaction. This is seen in the BDSM arena where people have “online relationships” which they mistake for being the real thing.

Let us start by saying that an online BDSM relationship is not the same as a “real/time” relationship. They are two completely different worlds. Too many mistakenly believe that the later will be the same as the online was. Sadly, this is not the truth. Online tends to glamorize the relationships. It is when one makes the switch to real/time that reality hits her squarely in the face. In this instance, she often wonders what happened to the wonderful relationship that she had.

Often a sub/slave is asked to do things when online which are a test to see her level of commitment. Of course, without being there, a Dom/Master has no way of knowing if the task was accomplsihed (in many instances). It is left to the word of the sub/slave. Many times she will agree to something knowing that she is not going to do it. When living online, she can get away with this.

The same cannot be said for reality. When she is with her Dom/Master, he will know if something is not complete. In these instances, He probably will opt for some form of punishment. Again, online punishments are a lot different then real world. Some of the actions which might result:

-she might be told to hold off pissing for a few hours (one of my personal favorites)

-she might have to sleep on the floor for a certain length of time.

-her meals may be served in a dog dish

-her residence may be a cage for a day or so

-she may find that orgasms are prohibited for a few weeks (or longer)

-or she could find that she is ignored for a long period of time while her Dom/Master lavishes attention on another.

These are just a few of the options that One might choose. The point is that real/time is vastly different than online. For many online, it really is a fantasy game to them. They are not serious about the lifestyle. I believe this is why they resist when it comes time to transition to the real world. Their intention was simply to play for a while. The dedication that is necessary to be successful in a real relationship is too much for many to handle. Yet they often believe what they are engaging in is real. Sadly for those who are in this situation, it is not.

August 6, 2008

The Use Of Words

Words are very powerful. They are the basis from which we form all meaning. Whenever we hear something, an image is formed in our mind. For example, think of the word “orange”. As soon as you did that, either the round fruit popped into your head or you visualized something that was the color orange. Either way, the word established what you pictured.

They also can elicit emotion within us. Words can be expressions of love, anger, hatred, fear, or comfort. Again, they are what gives things meaning. In the BDSM world, words can have a powerful impact on a sub/slave. I use them to begin the process of training those that I am involved with. It is helpful for one to begin thinking in terms of the way that I desire her to.

One of the primary methods of training is to separate a slave from her present identity. Naturally, this is not something that can be done completely. A slave performs a variety of roles; some of which cannot be dropped. She might be mom, manager, or employee. These “labels” she will still carry with her. Yet, if we add some other terms to define her, we can see a difference in mindset. How much different an outlook does one have when she is called slut, slave, whore, cunt, or worthless. Repeated use of these terms will begin to allow her to identify with the role she is to take on.

I wrote sometime back about erotic humiliation. Much of this practice is made up of wordplay. The joyful sensation that comes from being demeaned is strong. Words have the power to change not only how we feel, but also how we look at ourselves. Experiment with this practice to see how Your sub/slave responds.

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Online World

The Internet really changed the way the BDSM world operates. This technology really made it possible for the lifestyle to move from an “underground” society to something that is more accepted. The spread of information has allowed new people to learn about something which was previously not accessible to them. This is a wonderful benefit of this.

However, there is a drawback to this also. Many engage in online activities which makes them believe that what they are experiencing is real. While the Internet is a wonderful tool, it is important to remember that is all it is. This mechanism allows for one to meet people from all over the world. Yet, this can never replace the real time contact that is truly what this lifestyle is really about.

What is the Internet beneficial for.

1. It allows one to access to a wider range of ideas and techniques.

2. An online relationship will allow one to learn more about a potential Dom/Master and for a basis for a relationship to form (if both parties are honest).

3. A network of other subs/slaves can be set up to receive guidance from more experienced people.

This is what the online world offer. Please do not think that it is real. The step from online to real is vastly different. I see so many who think that because they were involved online for the past 2 years that they are experienced. It is not so. Until you dealt with the day-to-day issues of being with a Dom/Master or the daily interaction with a sub/slave, you really haven’t experienced what this life is all about. Perhaps there was a glimpse of it. Yet it is not until the relationship moves into real time that there is truly a BDSM situation. Short of that, it is more fantasy or role playing.

9 Levels Of Submission

These are the 9 Levels of Submission as written by by Diane Vera and published in The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual. I thought it would be helpful for all to see.

1.THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST.Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist’s own terms and for the masochist’s own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one’s own bodily sensatons rather than by being “used” to gratify one’s partner’s sadism).

2.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Not into even playing “slave,” but into other “submissive” role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, “forced” transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.

3.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being “used” to gratify partner’s sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave’s” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).

4.TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsbility. Doesn’t dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one’s pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).

5.TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief “scenes” and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one’s partner’s sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.

6.UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one’s Mistress, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when she will serve.

7.PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant’s property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave’s free time.

8.FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE. Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)’s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave’s position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time “slave” arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

9.CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS. A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn’t exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the “consent” is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn’t fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren’t really a slave unless you’re willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I’ve met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim.

Copyright 1984 and 1988, Diane Vera

August 3, 2008

Implementing BDSM Into A Relationship

You were reading this blog for the last few months and decided this is something that you are interested in trying. How do you go about getting involved? What do you do to entice your partner into trying this also?

To begin, it is important to know what it is attractive to you. Honest self-appraisal is the first step in your journey. Are you submissive? Dominant? What limits do you see yourself having? Is this something that you might want to make as a full-time lifestyle or do you like the idea of being in a scene? The answers to these questions will help to guide you.

For those in relationships, communication is the key. Bringing this up to your partner might encounter some resistance. As we mentioned numerous times, there is a lot of prejudice and misconception out there. It is likely your significant other harbors many of these same ideas. So expressing to him or her why you want to do this is important.

The best way is to start slow. It is not suggested that you go out and replace your entire wardrobe with leather. Nor do you want to create a dungeon in your home; at lease not initially. Look for ways to implement BDSM into your daily life. You might want to talk to your partner about adding a bit of bondage or impact play into your next sexual encounter. If you want to start outside the bedroom, have the dominant One begin to lay down some ground rules. Use terms like Sir or Madam in situations where you are alone. Perhaps you might like to adopt a subservient position by sitting at hid or her feet while watching television. All of these things create a shift in power. Turning one’s power over to a Dom is a fundamental step in the BDSM community.

Education is a powerful tool. Even as you are starting to do some of these things, continue to read and grow. Check back to this forum or my alternate one (click here) each day for new information. It is often helpful to sign up for forum to interact with others already living this way of life. There are many free ones available; you just need to register to be able to post (click here for mine). This will allow you to post questions that you might have. Finally, have fun with it. Resist the temptation to put too much pressure on yourself. This is a fun way to live. Life is tough enough on its’ own. There is no need to add to the stress level. Enjoy yourself.

August 2, 2008

Gorean Lifestyle?

Many ask Me about the Gorean lifestyle and is it for them? This is a question only they can answer. However, I state that it takes a certain type of person to be successful in that way of life. It requires a great amount of discipline on both the Master and slave to adhere to the edicts presented in those books.

What is Gor? John Norman wrote a series of fictional books over a period of 25 years that garnered a cult following. In them, he creates a planet where slavery was the foundation for the society. Women we held in captivity and treated in certain ways. Every detail of a slaves behavior was spelled out throughout the entire series.

Over the years, people have listed all these behavior patterns. These are the basics of living in a Gorean relationship. It spells out everything that a slave is to wear, how she is to address her Master and others, the branding ceremony, and punishments. This way of life offers little flexibility. People who are attracted to this way of life seem to be more extreme with the M/s relationship. To them, ever aspect of the relationship is lived according to the precepts of Gor.

I am not here to say that this is a right or wrong choice. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the Gorean way of life if it is for you. Many have successful and long relationships within this model. The point that is being made is that it will take a fair amount of time to learn the different disciplines. If one wants to have a successful time with it, she must get with an experienced Master. This is not something that a couple really can learn together in my opinion. For One to train a slave under as a Gorean requires years of studying. Just another thing to consider as you look at this way of life.

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August 1, 2008

Erotic Humiliation II

Erotic Humiliation II

July 15, 2008 by dennisnajee | Edit

I wrote earlier about erotic humiliation and it seems the response was overwhelming. Many of you indicated a desire to know some more about it. If you haven't done so, I suggest you read the post titled “Erotic Humiliation

This differs greatly from humiliation. It is much different than calling some ugly, or stupid, or a loser. These terms are usually done in a way to put the other down. When repeated over a long enough period of time, the person starts to internalize these concepts. The main intention is to degrade the other person to make oneself feel better.

Erotic humiliation differs in that it is designed to stimulate. The goal is to increase the pleasure of both participants. Obviously, this is done within the sexual arena even though it can transcend the bounds of sex. Often, the humiliation will be done in front of others yet the result is the same: the turning on of both partners.

This is not something that is for everyone. New people seem to think that this is a degrading of them. It is not. This is typically something that occurs between two who are committed in some way to a D/s relationship; even if it is just for a scene. The Dom gets off on the “degrading” of the sub; she gets off on the further stimulation of her submissive side. It is a win/win for both. If it is not, this is something that should be avoided until there is the proper amount of communication.

How does one humiliate another in this fashion. Some of the commonly used ways are using typically thought as degrading terms. Are you a slut? Whore? Fuckpiece? This is how a Dom can refer to you as. This is further enhanced when done in front of others. Perhaps you are dressed in revealing clothes and made to go out in public. Or it could be that you wear none at all. He might make you do things you commonly wouldn't do in front of others such as pee or masturbate. Treating a sub as a small child is another way to add humiliation to the relationship. The possibilities are endless.

Naturally, this is best done with one who has a healthy esteem. It is all part of the lifestyle that one chooses. Since this is consensual in nature (nobody can be forced into a D/s or M/s relationship-there are laws which outlaw that),it is best to communicate what the common ground is. This is not for everyone. However, for those who are open to it, this can enhance the sexual experience. Many get so turned on by this that they go at as soon as they get through the door. It can be that stimulating. And the orgasm that one has is intense. Experiment with this to see how turned on you can become.

Erotic Humiliation

This is an activity that can really enhance one’s sex life. There are some many ways to add to the BDSM atmosphere and erotic humiliation is a wonderful way for each person’s place to be stressed. A word of caution: if done with the wrong person or in the wrong manner, this can have devastating effects. This is something to be mindful of when straying into this area.

Erotic humiliation is the act of turning someone on by putting that person down. For it to a success, the sub/slave needs to have healthy self esteem. She must be able to take the degradation as part of the scene while not identifying it with herself. Her value does not come from the image carried but, rather, how well she serves her Dom/Master.

The most basic form of erotic humiliation is name calling. Many subs/slaves enjoy being called slut, whore, cunt, etc… during sex. This enhances their feeling of submissiveness. Some also like to be told how worthless they are and can only be used like a piece of meat. Again, this must be done with someone who is capable of handling the wordplay. There are many who have heard stuff like this their entire lives. To them, it is true; so be careful.

Another way to humiliate is through the acts that are performed. It is common for “watersports” to be used in this manner. Also, a sub/slave may be required to go to the bathroom in front of others as a way to further humiliate her. Public nudity or displays of humiliation seems to work well for many. A submissive person likes to be made to do things she ordinarily would not do. These are a few ideas which will expand her limits.

A Master/Dom can experience a major turn on by feeling the power that comes with the humiliation of another. The slave/sub can also feel the same thing. When used properly, erotic humiliation can stimulate a tremendous amount of sexual excitement. For one to know her man is in control of her is what submissives crave.


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