October 29, 2009


Many people think that submissive types should be looked down upon. They view submission as a sign of weakness. In my book, An Owned Life, I refer to the impact of societal conditioning on our mindsets. However, being submissive is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it is just one following a natural inclination. Domination is not better, it is simply different.

That being said, I will point out that many submissive types want to play the victim. This takes someone from a position that should be esteemed to one where they are viewed as whining babies. People with this outlook fail to see how selfish they truly are. Everything becomes about them instead of another. This creates a conflict especially in a Master/slave relationship.

The truth is that everyone has problems. There is not a person you will come across who does not encounter similar situations. We all experience financial and legal issues, family, illness, and problems at work. The difference is how people handle these things.

A commonsense approach leads me to tell people in this mindset to "get over it". Stop your whining and do something about your present circumstances. Being submissive does not mean that you are helpless. Life issues have to be dealt with. We are not exempt from dealing with these circumstances just because we chose an alternative lifestyle.

Individuals who fall into the victim mindset are easy to spot. They tend to want to cry out to others in an effort to gain sympathy. We read about things in their post online whether it is in a forum or on a blog or in a chatroom. They will make witty sayings that they put up in an effort to gain the condolences of others. Naturally, they tend to find people who think like them, thus having a circle of "friends" all sharing misery.

Submission is not about being a victim. In fact, I believe this mindset has nothing to do with the BDSM world at all. It is something that is prevalent in every lifestyle choice. Some people choose to take control over their affairs while others allow them to overwhelm them.

Perpetual victims are never fun to be around. They are one of the worst forms of psychic vampires in my opinion. The continual complaining about life situations will wear anyone down. People like this should be made aware of what they are doing. There is no future in playing the victim. Life is just a continual process of moving from one crisis to another. Meet a victim 6 months later and you will hear the latest tragedy. This is the way people of this nature operate. Nothing ever gets any better.

Resist the temptation to classify a submissive person as weak or a victim. There is nothing between the two that correlates in general terms. However, it is my experience that many will take the victim role. These are the ones who need to be avoided.

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Anonymous said...

My opinion is that being a victim is just another form of manipulation

girl on November 6, 2009 at 11:34 PM said...

I'd like to add a comment only - that as a submissive woman, that I find no connection at all with a victim mentality, or a sense of being manipulated at all.

In fact, where I blog is called strengthandsubmission. The point of that theme is that I have found more personal strength through my relationship of submission to my Dom, my Sir, than in most other parts of my life.

I believe to grow we must strive to be open minded - to embrace the experience of others, as opposed to expending our energey for the purpose of exclusion.


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