BDSM Questions

What Is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage&Discipline, Domination&Submission, Sado Masochism

Who Participates in BDSM?

Choosing out people who are into BDSM in a crowd is like trying to choose the recovering alcoholics.  It is impossible to do.  People who partake in this lifestyle come from all walks of life.  Some opt to live this as their primary lifestyle while others simply engage in BDSM in the bedroom.  This is a varied lifestyle that satisfies most desires.

You Mean There Is More To BDSM  Than Gays Dressed In Leather?

The "leather" community is one of the oldest segments of our lifestyle.  However, it is not the only one.  There are many different avenues that people choose to pursue.  Some are D/s, M/s, pony play, light bondage, and full suspension.  As for sexual preference, there are individuals with every sexual orientation in BDSM.  Gay, straight, bi, and transgendered are all represented.

Is BDSM Legal?

Depends upon where you are and what you are doing.  Keep in mind that legality is a touchy issue; for example, anal sex is still illegal in many states within the U.S.  Nevertheless, most of what we do is legal.

The foundation of BDSM is based upon the saying Safe, Sane, and Consensual.  This means that both parties are in agreement with what they are doing.  Nobody is forced into doing anything against their will.  We are not a bunch of rapists.  Consent is required before moving forward with any activities.

How Can It Be Legal When A Segment Of The Life Practices Slavery?

Again, we are dealing with consent.  Anyone living as a "slave" agrees to do so.  Also, the M/s relationship is a form of role playing in the sense that each person is adapting roles.  In this instance, one choose to be Master while the other opts to be slave.  This is an agreement between the two parties and is not legally binding.  The bond to the lifestyle is how much each person honors their commitment.

Is This Where People Have The "Slave Contracts"?

My suggestion is to never write any of this down on paper.  The misunderstanding of society is extreme.  The general consensus is that we are sick, perverted people engaging in sinister behavior.  Ties to Satanic cults are often made by those who are unknowing.  The fact that we are engaging in a lifestyle choice that suits our needs is all that matters.  However, there were instances where relationships went awry only to have one party bring the "Slave Contract" into court.  I find that it is a step that is not necessary to take. 

Are You People Married?

Some are while others opt for the single route.  There is every imaginable configuration within the BDSM lifestyle.  I would say that most are involved in some type of committed relationship although not all choose to go the marriage route.  A great portion of our population was married to each other before they found this way of life.  Together, they forged a new path for themselves and their love.

Other came upon this way of life and met the person they are presently with.  They decided to establish their relationship based upon the tenets of D/s or M/s. 

What is D/s and M/s?

D/s stands for Domination/submission while M/s means Master/slave.  These are two ways that many relationships are established within the BDSM community.  The difference between the two is in where the domination and submission pertains to.  A sub only surrenders certain areas of his or her life while a slave gives up all control.

How Do I Get Started?

The Internet changed the way this lifestyle is presented to people.  Years ago, we were relegated to attending Meet and Greet sessions called "Munches".  Now, you can find almost anything you are looking for online.  This created a double-edged sword in that the information is reaching a wider group of people but what is being espoused is not necessarily accurate.  Any meathead today can be a blogger regardless of experience and knowledge.  This allows a lot of misinformation to be presented.

I would say that you want to travel around reading different blogs and visit some chatrooms.  Be leery of who you meet along the way.  My estimation is that 95% of the people online are not what they present.  Many are outright fakes looking to just engage in some online sexual play.  Others believe they are something in this life when in fact, they are mistaken.  I cannot tell you the hundreds (if not thousands) of self proclaimed "slaves" I encountered over the years only to determine they were not cut out for that facet of the lifestyle.  In fact, there were a few who I thought better suited to be Doms.  This is how the misinformation can lead to wrong conclusions.


What Is This Gorean That I Came Across?

Gorean is a fictional lifestyle based upon the novels of John Norman written in the 70s.  This series was centered around the planet Gor where slavery of women was an accepted practice.  The important factor about this is the works were FICTIONAL.  Therefore, Gorean is not a real life practice.

You will encounter Gorean on many of the BDSM or M/s websites you visit.  This is perhaps the most popular of all the BDSM topics.  The reason, I believe, is because it translates so well online.  There are protocols established in the book which can be followed in a chatroom.  Again, I find they do not translate well into real life.  (One practice is for a slave always to kneel when a Master enters.  Can you see this happening if a Master walked into your place of work?  Your boss might want to have a chat with you.)

That being said, the philosophy spelled out in these works applies to the Domination/submission arena.  Many will apply the ideas to their own relationships while forgoing the protocol and terminology.

Is There A Right or Wrong Way?

I do not believe there is.  What I will say is there is a safe and an unsafe way to do things.  This is especially true when dealing online.  Many of the protective measures that are derived using common sense are in force.  Protect yourself, at least initially, since you have no idea who you are chatting with.  Take the appropriate time to get to know someone before offering up too much information.

From a larger perspective, safety is the most important aspect of what we do.  It is something that is in the forefront of our every action.  People are continually put in a vulnerable position.  Being careless, even for an instant, has had fatal consequences.  Every few months we read about a scene gone wrong.  It is something that we are always mindful of.