Domination is a word that is thrown around, seemingly loosely, in the BDSM community. It is something that is a basic component of our way of life since power exchange requires a dominant coupled with a submissive. Therefore, it is crucial that we understand what domination is all about. Too many seem to embrace the idea without a clear concept of what it is and how to go about developing it. Over the next few posts. hopefully we will uncover some insight into what this characteristic involves.
A definition of domination is the exercise of control or influence over someone or something.
So far this is rather simple. Domination is the exercise of control over something. That makes total sense since, as dominants, the idea is to control a submissive one who turns her control over to you. This is the foundation of BDSM.
Of course, this is where many go wrong. The fact that something is rather simple does not equate to it being easy. The idea that one simply steps into BDSM and is instantly qualified to take control is absurd. Unfortunately, as we know, this is a common belief held by the majority. It is further enhanced because the submissive ones also buy into it especially with their significant others.
We must start our investigation into what it takes to be a dominant by mentioning that fact that domination is a quality like any other one within the human race. What this means is that everyone has the ability to dominate within them. Of course, this also means that we all have the capability to submit. This is what throws people. Therefore, we will look at where different things are stimulated within our body to clarify this idea.
First and foremost, domination exists in the mind. This is the place where all our qualities, both positive and negative, reside. Whether one looks at kindness, anger, resentment, apathy, or compassion, these all stem from our thought process. How we think in particular situations determines the quality or characteristic that emerges. This is a critical point to domination. To dominate, one must have thoughts of domination and condition oneself to take control.
Before going any further, I must tangent here and explain what I mean by the fact that everyone has the quality of domination within them. This is something that seems out of line to many, especially the submissive ones. I can feel the resistance increasing as many read this. However, if you think about it in depth, it will make total sense. Our domination or submission is often tied to the situation at hand. There are times when one is dominant while being totally submissive in others. To illustrate this point, just think about the fact that you desire (or do) submit to your dom. It is something that comes natural to you. However, is the same true for your children? Doesn't one seek to control and guide her kids as opposed to submitting to them? We see the same thing at work. There are many submissive ones who are dominant at work since they hold positions of responsibility. Thus. as you can see, the quality of domination resides within them.
Let us look at the flip side and really get things stirred up. Dominants have the ability to submit. Read that statement again and feel what emerges from within you. If you are like most, the instant reaction is resistance. It is not something that dominants, especially, like to admit to themselves. Nevertheless, that ability is within one. Here is an example: if you were ever in court, is that an area you dominate especially as the defendant? Of course not. The truth is a that a courtroom is designed to make the one on trial be in a subservient position. The judge, the guy in the black robe, physically sits higher than you while looking down from above. At the same time, the rules are such that he or she is in control of the court room. Only the most foolish engage in outbursts as he sees fit. In fact, one who does this is considered a bit off because responsible people understand the basic premise of the court system and who is in charge. Hence, even the most controlling dominant submits to the wishes of the judge, most often by keeping his thoughts to himself and replying "yes Your Honor".
Now that we understand that domination, like all other qualities, resides in the mind and that all people have this trait within them, it is time to look at the next piece of the puzzle. For most, when we view things through the domination/submission spectrum, there is one quality that is overwhelming. Obviously, it is this knowledge which leads us to check the proper box when filling out a profile online. The majority do not seem confused on this matter in terms of which is more powerful. Even those who switch tend to have one that is the preference with the other being something he or she prefers to engage upon at times.
This leads us to investigate what I term "the core". It is our core that determines whether we prefer domination or submission. The quality, itself, is neutral in our minds yet it is the core that embraces one fully while abhorring the other. That resistance which arose when I stated that dominants have the ability to submit, that came from your core. A true dominant detests the idea of submission. Again, unless he is a total idiot, he realizes there are times in society when one must submit especially to a societal established authority figure like a judge or police officer. Of course, this is something he does not like and that feeling comes directly from the core.
So, what is this core and where is it located? For those who have some experience/understanding with Eastern traditions, the core is what is often referred to as the second Chakra within the body. This is located below the navel right around the pubic line. This is where those traditions believe one's sexual energy resides, which is the most powerful energy in the body. My feeling is this is where all of our deeply preferences reside. It is this place which determines whether we are sexually attracted to men or women. Whether we are an introvert or extrovert is imprinted here. And, yes, this is where we find out domination or submission.
Here is a quick exercise. Close your eyes and breathe deeply for 20 or 30 seconds. Relax your body; do this in a laying down or comfortable sitting posture. Feel the tension within you being pulled down and exiting through your feet. Do this starting at the head and continue until you reach your toes. Now that you are free from tension, I want you to think about being tied up. What arises within you? If the thought is something you detest and the words "no way" are ready to spring from your mouth, then the core just resisted the idea. Of course, if you thought about it and said "when", that also comes from the same place. What I want you to notice is how powerful the desire, either for or against, is. This came from deep within you. It is for this reason that the idea becomes intensified and emotionalized.
To quickly recap, domination is a natural quality that is in everyone and resides in the mind yet it is the core which determines whether we are identified as a dominant or a submissive. The emotionalizing of the quality is where the power is generated and comes from deep within us. While one might not like being dominant, there are situations where it is required, hence one is able to fulfill that role.
Next time we will delve into the "naturalness" of domination while investigating how this manifests and what one should look for.
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14 hours ago