L: Hi. I was trying to do the candle wax dripping thing, and it's not
B: Have you lit the candle?
L: I need to light it?
B: Yes, if you want it to drip wax.
L: How do I light it?
B: With matches.
L: Ok, thanks!
L: Hi, it's me again. I've got the candle lit, but whenever I try and
press the wax onto her, she screams in pain. At least I think it's
pain, I can't tell with the gag I put on her.
B: Ah, I think I see the problem. You need to drip the wax onto her,
by holding the lit candle well above her flesh. Don't push the flame
into her body, that doesn't work.
L: Gee thanks! How do you know all this stuff, did you go to college?
B: Uh, no, I just picked it up by playing around at home.
L: You must be really smart!
L: Hi, the candle's still not working. She's not screaming in pain any
more, but the wax isn't melting on her, it's just bouncing off.
B: Do you have the candle lit?
L: Yup, it's lit, and the wax dribbles off, but then when it hits her
it just bounces off.
B: Uh, how high are you holding the candle.
L: I'm standing on a chair, holding it way up while she's on the
floor. That way it won't burn her.
B: Um, that might be a bit too high. Try holding the candle about a
foot above her. Then the wax will still be liquid when it hits her. If
it's too hot, raise the candle higher. If it's not hot enough, lower
L: Well why didn't you tell me the first time.
B: I assumed you were a little more familiar with candles, sir. My
apologies for the mistake.
L: Don't talk down to me, I'm an MCSE! 
B: Yes, sir. Just try that and let us know how it goes.
L: Guess who? Yup, me again. It worked really great, I dripped the wax
everywhere and she really enjoyed it, and thrashed around a lot in
B: Great! How can I help you then?
L: Well, after a while she passed out from the pleasure, and she
hasn't said anything yet.
B: Did you remove the gag?
L: No, do I need to?
B: Yes, sir.
L: Ok, I'll just do it now, but she's in another room.
B: You do that then call us back if there are any problems.
L: It's me again. I had to scrape a lot of the wax off, but I was able
to remove the gag now. She's still not saying anything.
B: Ok, have you tried pouring cold water on her?
L: No, I'll do that now. How high should it be when I pour it.
B: Uh, it doesn't matter how high, just pour it.
L: Ok, hang on. I'll go do that now. *pause* Nope, it didn't help.
B: Um, is she still breathing?
L: How do I check?
B: Is her stomach rising and falling?
L: Let me just check. *pause* No it's not.
B: I see. Uh, how much wax did you dribble on her face?
L: Oh heaps! At least 3 candles worth. You could hardly make anything
out it was on so thick. She really enjoyed it though, she was
thrashing around so much when I did it. It's funny, but even though
I've removed all the wax, her face is still kind of blue.
B: Uh, yeah, that will pass. Um, she seems to have moved into another
stage of existance, and it's not something we support. You'll need
to call Life Support on 911.
L: What? Hey, it was your candles and BSDM book! You have to
B: I'm afraid not sir, we do explicitly state that you are responsible
for the use of such equipment, and whilst we can provide tips and
advice, you are responsible for anything occuring from the use of the
L: I want my money back then!
B: I'm sorry, but as you've used up the candles and used the book, we
can't do that.
L: You can't do that. I'm gonna call the police!
B: Ok, Sir. You do that, and tell them everything which happened. Tell
them that we have a recorded tape of all our conversations which they
can listen to if they need to confirm anything. Then if they agree you
deserve a refund we'll do that.
L: Fine. *slams down phone*
 Melted Candle Splurting Expert.
 Typo deliberate.
14 hours ago