September 7, 2013

BDSM: In Agreement With Nature

As I continue along my journey through life with BDSM as the foundation upon which all is built, I am coming to understand more and more that it is the only life structure that is in complete agreement with nature.  Some will find this statement ironic considering the fact that the traditional model is so popular.  However, when one really takes a look throughout history, he or she quickly realizes the validity of my belief.


We live in an era where equality is something that is promoted as the ideal.  Everywhere you turn, especially on the mass media, we hear of people promoting this idea.  For example, turn on the television and you hear the President talk about people "paying their fair share".  What the hell does that mean?  In essence, he is saying that some were able to have more, so more should be shared to balance things out.  Those with more ought to have less while those with less ought to have more.

At the same time, we are in now 50 years into the equal rights movements.  "Equal pay for equal work" is the mantra.  Gender differences are overlooked with some feeling equally capable of being able to do the job regardless of physical or mental differences.   Again, we see laws written with the intention of "evening the playing field" in an effort to promote this idea of equality.  Please bear in mind, this is extremely important to the social structure of our cultures.

However, is it effective?  If we research the most equitable idea ever invented in terms of a political/economic system, we need to look no further than communism.  Here was a system that was developed with the sole intention of establishing equality among everyone.  While that sounds grand in theory, how did it work in reality.  Looking at countries that have this system around the world, we see that equality is not achieved.  Instead, we notice that a certain few end up with all the wealth, power, and control while the others are left with little.  Now some might want to dispute this and this is not meant to spur a political debate.  The bottom line is equality across the board is not achieved.

My conclusion is that equality is a myth.


We all live according to the laws of nature.  This is an inescapable truth of our reality.  I could care less what your philosophical or religious beliefs are, whether you call it universe or god, we all know there is something that guides everything that is happening.  The Earth rotates around the sun as it has done for millions (if not billions) of years.  Nothing we do alters that reality.  Seasons come and they go.  Night turns into day and vice versa.  Mankind, for all its intelligence, has nothing to do with this reality.

One of the greatest insights one can achieve is to understand what laws that nature lives by.  Again, whether you come from the perspective of science or religion, it is often mandating the same thing.  That being the case, I understand that the grandest law of nature also provides the largest change in any one individual's life.  And if you can understand this law while applying it in all your do, grow will occur instantly.

The most important thing to know about nature is this:

Nature operates according to survival of the fittest. 

Notice what is written there.  The basic law of life is survival of the fittest.  It is ironic that we do not see equality in that sentence anywhere.  Nature is an unfair environment.  The law of the jungle prevails and it is a mistake to believe that we, as members of the Animal Kingdom, are exempt from this practice.  Yes advanced intelligence and compassion are part of our makeup yet this does not dispel this basic essence of our reality.

Through this understanding, it is easy to see how equality is unnatural.  Nature does not operate on the premise of fairness or equal power.  Is it fair that the lame deer is the one who gets caught and eaten by the predators?  Why is the lion the King of the Jungle?  Simply because on the hierarchy, he is a badass to the nth degree.  Notice how in the wild the best hunters are the ones who eat while those who lag behind starve to death.  The fittest survive while others die.

BDSM Is Natural

How does any of this apply to BDSM?  The idea of structuring one's life based upon power exchange is in keeping with nature.  Those who believe that their is equality in relationships i.e. marriage, are sadly mistaken.  In every relationship, even if it is not consciously designed, there is power exchange.  One person, whether it is through personality, fear, or societal conditioning, will have less while another had more.  Sure this can be a sliding scale with the power moving back and forth.  But over time, you will find that one tends to have the power most of the time.

People who enter the BDSM world do so after uncovering things about themselves.  The basic foundation is the determination that one is either submissive or dominant.  Please take note that the word I used is "uncovering".  This is vastly different than if I said the person "decided".  One does not decide to be dominant or submissive.  Instead, it is something that is resident within oneself, placed there by nature, that one uncovers.  It is from this discovery that one is able to move forward within this way of life.

The fundamental tenet of BDSM is an inequitable distribution of power.  People involved in BDSM relationships consciously decide to structure their lives based upon the natural qualities within each person.  These traits form the basis for a structure where one has total power while the other does not.  The pretense of equality is smashed immediately.  It is not a myth that we choose to engage in.  On the contrary, we are following the law of nature which, at its core, is inequality.

It is for this reason that I feel BDSM is the most natural way to structure one's life.  The tenets we live by are in complete accordance with nature.  We are not following the beliefs that society established which only led to unhappiness and a lack of fulfillment.  Societal norms are discarded knowing the lack the results they promise.  We effortlessly get into the flow of life while embarking upon our roles that are easily established based upon our inherent qualities granted to us by nature.  Confusion is eliminated when one simply looks within.  At times, it is as simple as breathing.  While society changes with each new political theory or economic system, the true essence of mankind (and womankind) does not.  In reality, even though it did not go by this name, BDSM was around since the dawn of man.  The myth of equality is a recent development in man's history.  Survival of the fittest was around since the beginning.

Consider this the next time you find that you feel "different" because of your BDSM desires.


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September 4, 2013

Internal Versus External

 A few weeks back I wrote an article titled "Attracted to Domineering" that was widely received in a few different places.  In it, I discussed the major differences between someone who is dominant versus those who are domineering.  Many submissives find themselves in endless loop cycles of going from one bad relationship to another.  What most do not understand is that they are actually attracted to domineering as opposed to domination.  My experience is that when one deals with someone who engages in domineering behavior, the relationship is jeopardized because fear is the controlling factor.  This is why being able to see the difference is crucial.  BDSM success depends upon the interaction with someone who is dominant.

Alpha Male

This brings us to the subject of the Alpha Male.  Before going any further, I will remind my readers that, as I always do, I am going to discuss this topic from the male dominant/female submissive perspective.  Understand that the opposite is as applicable albeit not as common.  If you find yourself in a different arrangement, simply change the gender roles to fit your situation.

Many look upon the "Alpha Man" as the crux of domination.  Society has a way of placing this person in high regard.  Commercials, movies, and television programs esteem him as the one to be like.  Men want to be him while women want to be with him.  He is the center of attention.  His clothes are perfectly pressed, matching, and totally in fashion.  One a scale of 1-10, he is at worst a 10.

Most of you know the type that I am referring to.  He is a popular individual who has a high powered job.  Envy of others is something that is commonplace within this person's life.  Dating the best women is his modus operandi.  It is not uncommon to see a super model on his arm.  Wealth, power, and prestige are traits that summarize him.  He is in complete control of his life.

With all this evidence, it is safe to conclude that the Alpha Male is the one who is dominant.  He is completely in charge of his environment.  He is the epitome of self confidence.  Fear does not exist in his world.  Whatever feelings arise, he simply ignores them and achieves the task at hand.  Self-doubt rarely exhibits its ugly head.

Not Caring

I am going to discuss a topic that, when fully explained, will clarify this situation even more.  The subject is the idea of simply not caring.  A true dominant does not care.  It is that simple.  If you see someone caring, then you are not dealing with a dominant.

Now that most of you believed I feel off my chair and hit my head, I will explain what I mean.  No, I am not advocating the behavior of the pretenders and online wannabes who care nothing of the individuals they interact with nor the carnage they leave behind.  This behavior is pathetic and should be stopped at every instance.  At the same time, I am not promoting that a dominant should not care about those with who he is involved with.  If a submissive opts to involve herself in a relationship with a dominant, then that should be taken seriously and that person cared for and about as one should when deep feelings are involved.  So what do I mean?

Not caring centers around the mindset of the dominant himself.  It arises from the motivation that comes deep from within.  A true dominant is not dependent upon the views of others.  He concerns himself not with what others think about him.  Instead, his m.o. is to progress going through life doing what he feels best in each situation.  His interactions with the world are always based upon an internal focus.  If others do not like him or what he is doing, so be it.  His self worth is such that the high opinions of others is meaningless.  It is nice to receive, granted, but entirely unnecessary.

Again, I have to stress that this does not mean our dominant acts like a total a**hole.  Common courtesy is often a characteristic of this individual.  The internal self assurance he has means that he lacks the need to put others down.   He is in control and he knows it.  There is no need to make the outside world believe it.  It just is.  Actions speak louder than words.  The opinion of others simply do not enter the mindset when making a decision.  The facts are weighed and the decision made.

Internal Versus External

I hope that you are starting to gain some insight into the difference between internal versus external focus.  As you can guess, this comes into play when discussing the idea of domination.  Obviously, based upon what was presented here, you can conclude that a true dominant is internally focused.  At the same time, the Alpha Male, is externally focused.  One opts for domination while the other engages in domineering.

Why do I write this?  The answer is simple.  Once again, we go back to motives.  As was explained in the last article covering this topic, one who is domineering is driven by fear.  An individual of this nature continually lives under the worry of being "found out".  The "bravado" that he shows is a facade.  It is not true self confidence.  He is continually worried about what the outside world thinks.  Contrast this with the characteristics I listed in the last section about not caring.  An internally focused person simply does not care nor is he driven by the opinion of others.  The externally based person is completely wrapped up in this.

In conclusion, I again must issue the disclaimer so people will not take this information out of context.  I am not advocating acting like a total ass.  Not caring is a subject about where one's focuses his attention when making decisions.  True confidence is something that comes from within.  When it comes from the outside, it is lost when others withhold it.  This is what happens often to the Alpha Males.  As long as the crowds are cheering, everything is great.  However, when the noise dies down and he is left with just his thoughts, the truth comes out.  Be mindful of this when you are interacting with someone who is "dominant".  Ask yourself if this person seems internally focused as opposed to externally.  If it is the later, you might want to think long and hard about what you are getting yourself into.  It could well be a sign of something deeper.


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