October 17, 2009

Be Careful Of What You Read

There is much written online about the BDSM lifestyle. Today, through the use of blogs, anyone can be a "writer". Many seem to feel the necessity to share their experience with others. This is a wonderful aspect of the Internet. It is one of the things that took our way of life from the underground and made it more mainstream.

That being said, there is a great deal of misinformation out there. Many are writing about their "experiences" and I am not sure exactly what they are sharing. Allowing others insight into one's life is a risky proposition which one should be commended for. I believe these people have the most noble intents when they post their writings.

However, it is sad to see how many write stuff that is absolutely incorrect. They are voicing their opinion which might not be correct. This is especially true when one goes further out on the BDSM scale to the more extreme M/s relationship.

I have seem some who claim to be slaves when, in reading the blogs, I am led to believe that she (or he) is actually the dominant one. There are little insights such as the initiation of sex by the writer that leads me to this conclusion. While one might have that freedom in his or her relationship, it is not the proper place for a slave to do this. Most M/s relationships do not contain this freedom. Therefore, when one puts this forth as fact, it is misleading to newer people since they will believe this is what they can expect. It is not.

In my writings, I try to preface everything with the understanding of this is my experience as a poly Master. Not everyone in the lifestyle is poly thus it will not apply to every situation. In those areas that I do not have particular experience, I try to draw upon those who I have come across who do. My viewpoints will differ from some and this is fine. Differences of opinion are what make the world go round. Nevertheless, promoting things as if they are facts will end up injuring people.

I wrote much about the online world as compared to real time. There was an instance that I want to share with you that happened to me this week. Over the last few months I was chatting with a sub who was waiting on her Dom. He was located in a different country and was going to visit this month. She told me that she called it off last week. When I inquired why she did that, she said that she was tired of him playing games with her. Evidently he failed to do basic things like call when he said or be online at an agreed time. I am sure this led her to question him a little more. Without knowing all the details, she obviously concluded that there was nothing there.

This person who I am referring to has read a lot of my writings. She told me that "I was right". Now I will tell you that I do not write this stuff to "be right". I do it to forewarn people of what exists out there. No matter how it is broken down, 90% of all online "relationships" end up fizzling in short order. Sadly, even with the best of intentions, there usually is great difficulty in pulling things off. Life ends up being a stumbling block.

My point is that not everything we read is factual. Even when someone is writing with the best of intentions, he or she might be misguided. This person I am referring to might have espoused the virtues of long distant online BDSM. Now, I surmise, she has a different take on it. We can only be honest with where we are at on a given day. Those who are delusional see through that. Anything they write will convey the delusion.

This is something we are all apt to fall into periodically. Therefore, my suggestion is to read that person's works on a regular basis. Momentary lapses in sanity will be overcome. The fruitloops, in contrast, remain out there. Find people who continually share experience and cross reference that with other information that is available online. This is the only way you can get a general feeling of what the lifestyle is all about. One person, including me, does not have all your answers. Be sure to spread your reading around.

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schiava on October 19, 2009 at 7:05 AM said...

I have only one comment to make, and that is that, simply because YOU voice an opinion, does not make it factual.

It makes it your own opinion, no more factual than someone ... anyone ... else's.

And, simply because "most" M/s relationships that you have intimate knowledge of have certain characteristics does not in ANY way mean that "most" M/s relationships overall have those same characteristics. You take the sample of what you know, and try to promote that knowledge as facts about the D/s world in general.

I am reminded by your circular reasoning in this post, why I rarely read your blog. Rarely is turning into never, except for the occasional need for a good laugh.


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