Many people have the false conception the BDSM is extreme. They see the imagery presented by the porn industry and, basically, it scares the panties right off them. Obviously, as I have covered a few times, the porn industry has an agenda which differs greatly from each of us individually. Sure, some, if not many of us, are seeking the whips and chains. However, BDSM offers so much more than that.
That said, we are open to the fact that there is an extreme aspect to the BDSM world. Before going any further, I feel it important to define what we mean. Within the context of our lifestyle, we can see extreme through a few different lenses. To start, we can look at the behaviors (i.e. play) and see some who are into total extreme. Pain sluts who are whipped and beaten until their body totally marked come to mind. So does some of the other aspects of play like fire play, electrical, or hardcore bondage. These acts can be extreme in nature depending upon the viewpoint of the individuals. (that is an important point to remember; one person's extreme is just normal to someone else)
The other way we encounter extreme with the BDSM world is in the context of the M/s relationship. Here, the exchange of power is complete and total. Under this circumstance, one makes a final decision to turn her life over to the master and that is it. All decisions from that point forward are his to make. Her most important role is to obey. Now, that is not to say that he will not empower over certain decisions because a good master does. However, it all takes place under his rule.
The M/s relationship contains an extremeness in terms of the mindset. Individuals who opt for this particular relationship structure might not be involved in "extreme" activities. In fact, their life might be fairly ordinary when looking at it from the outside. Nevertheless, within the confines of the relationship itself, one sees a totally different viewpoint. For example, once a slave commits she is destined to remain his until he decides to release her (unless she or her kids are in physical danger). She does not have the choice to leave or exit the relationship. At the same time, it is common for a slave to be viewed as property. Many are appalled at this who lack an understanding of BDSM but it is right in line with out thinking. Again, it is an extreme mindset and one that not everyone has.
I would say that the extremeness of BDSM, while highly touted, is not commonplace. Reading different profiles online as I surf the net leads me to conclude that most people are looking for something a lot less "out there". It is why so many term themselves subs (short for submissive) instead of slave. Giving up total control is not a desire for them. Instead, my experience is they want to add some kink to their normal interactions. As long as it is light, it is acceptable. I guess you might phrase it "vanilla with a twist". Certainly the BDSM world is spacious enough for all types and people are free to structure their lives however they see fit. Yet when we study the extreme aspects of things, it is the mindset that determines how committed one is to this way of life. Many people put it on like a sweater, opting for something different tomorrow. If this works for them, so be it. However, these are not the people who are interested in what I am discussing here.
Society seeks to stamp out individuality. Most of what I write about is not condoned by society because it centers around freedom and individuality. It is ironic that we talk about freedom in a lifestyle that contains enslavement and bondage. Nevertheless, when you really think about it, if someone is following what is natural and true for him or her, isn't that freedom? Being in touch with our cores and adhering to that is crucial for all of us. I believe that is why so many people in society are unfulfilled because they refuse to look at what is deep within them. BDSM gives us that opportunity.
Determining something is extreme or not requires judgment. Remember, what is extreme to you might be tame to another. It is all in our perspective. For many, the most extreme aspects of our lifestyle are completely normal and everyday affairs. Of itself, it is not something to be feared or leery of. Naturally, the individuals are the ones who create the results and we need to be highly mindful of the idiots and morons out there. Doing things in a safe manner is extremely important. Nevertheless, at some point we need to take the plunge realizing that there are no guarantees in life. If you are drawn to some of the more "extreme" aspects of BDSM, investigate it. Society will tell you that you are sick, perverted, and need help. We, on the other hand, will state, "you are what I am seeking".
BDSM is about freedom....embrace it.
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3 days ago