There are many pretenders out there. We all know that. The Internet is a doubled edged sword when it comes to meeting people for BDSM: it allows for access to far greater number of people while enabling people to assume any persona they desire. In the end, what is really known about a person is they are text on a screen. There is nothing more unless there is some other form of communication.
Many will take exception with this viewpoint. They claim there are people behind those usernames and characters. That is true, there is someone with a heartbeat. However, that is where the truth ends. Everything else is up for debate. For example, is the person male or female? Is he/she married or single? Does that person really weight 105 pounds or is she 205? None of these answers can really be known unless there is more than online interaction. (In my book An Owned Life, I dedicate a section to the difference between online and real time)
When it comes to BDSM, there seems to be a lot of play out there (and not the good play). I heard so many tales of woe that I am stunned each time I hear about the gullibility of people. People seem to give all they have to people they never even spoke to. And then when things go awry, they are crushed like they lost something real. The truth is that they were played.
Online is not real. I write this all the time. Too many want to make it seem like there is something there when a "relationship" forms. This is not the case. While I acknowledge the Internet is a fabulous way to "break the ice", any relationship that does not move to any form of human interaction is bound to crack. The foundation is most likely built upon a lie.
Whenever I "meet" people online that I am interested in moving into some form of real time, I immediately begin the human process. This starts usually with a phone call. This is a mechanism which is more personal than online and allows for one to gain a greater knowledge of the person. For example, you might hear children in the background (warning sign if you were told he/she is single with no kids). The voice tells a great deal about a person. And you can learn if they are shy or outgoing. These things cannot be learned through chatting online.
When the "rubber meets the road" do you really know what you are dealing with in the person you are chatting with online? Unfortunately, it is only when a desperate situation arises will the truth be revealed. Are you able to count on this person? Is he/she going to be there for you when you are in need? Most likely not based upon the percentages.
Each time I hear one of the heartbreaking stories, I always reflect upon the missed signs. Dishonesty and manipulation are obvious if you know what you are looking for. The rule is that is something seems amiss, it probably is. So often I hear that a Dom/Master can only call at certain times. Why would this be? Perhaps it is because he/she has a spouse they are hiding. Do you have a phone or an address for this person? Or were they hidden from you by some excuse. Does their name come up on a search engine in that town? Most people are involved in some type of organization that will have records or rosters listed online. The point is that a little research will uncover a lot.
Common sense is lacking when it comes to online. People will not tolerate certain behaviors in person yet they fall completely for the manipulation online. For those who do this, they are mostly saddened when the truth comes out. Dishonesty is the prevailing trait in the virtual world. It is just too easy to assume another persona. Be forewarned the next time you are chatting with someone. All is probably not as it appears.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Safe, Sane, Consensual
This is the foundation for BDSM. Everything we do follows these simple edicts. Whenever anyone strays from them, bad things happen. You will notice that the events which make the paper are because these three words were ignored.
In most societies around the world, slavery is outlawed. At the same time, it is illegal to hold someone against their will. Breaking these laws carry a huge penalty in the modernized cultures. Kidnapping is not something that is considered lightly by the courts.
With that being said, the Master/slave relationship exists only because there is consent. Anytime there is a scene, both parties are agreeing to participate. To ensure safety, certain ground rules are established ahead of time. The use of a "safe word" is critical especially when playing with someone unfamiliar. This is how a sub can maintain an order of control so as not to cross any hard limits.
Much damage can be done when a BDSM scene goes awry. The press sensationalizes the physical harm done when people act without regard to safety. There are instances where death occurred as a result of a scene. Nevertheless, much less talked about but ever more dangerous is the psychological pain that a Dom/Master can cause during a scene. It is not uncommon for someone to have flashbacks to previous abuse. Since there is pain involved in many scenes, these thoughts can provoke one to go off the deep end mentally. This can scar someone permanently.
How do we go about ensuring everything turns out okay. We remember three things:
1. All actions during the scene are done after the safety issue is considered.
2. It is best to engage in actions that are reflective of your ability. A new person should not play with full suspension. This is something that is best left to the seasoned persons. We like our play to be fun but within reason for people's skill and limit level. That is sanity.
3. The basic premise of the foundation is consensual. A sub/slave decides to submit, not the other way around. Those who try to push one into submitting are really taking a hostage. That is not consensual. We strive to have consent as the foundation of the relationship.
Remember these three parameters when entering into this life. There is nothing worse than a scene gone wrong. That is how people get hurt.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
In most societies around the world, slavery is outlawed. At the same time, it is illegal to hold someone against their will. Breaking these laws carry a huge penalty in the modernized cultures. Kidnapping is not something that is considered lightly by the courts.
With that being said, the Master/slave relationship exists only because there is consent. Anytime there is a scene, both parties are agreeing to participate. To ensure safety, certain ground rules are established ahead of time. The use of a "safe word" is critical especially when playing with someone unfamiliar. This is how a sub can maintain an order of control so as not to cross any hard limits.
Much damage can be done when a BDSM scene goes awry. The press sensationalizes the physical harm done when people act without regard to safety. There are instances where death occurred as a result of a scene. Nevertheless, much less talked about but ever more dangerous is the psychological pain that a Dom/Master can cause during a scene. It is not uncommon for someone to have flashbacks to previous abuse. Since there is pain involved in many scenes, these thoughts can provoke one to go off the deep end mentally. This can scar someone permanently.
How do we go about ensuring everything turns out okay. We remember three things:
1. All actions during the scene are done after the safety issue is considered.
2. It is best to engage in actions that are reflective of your ability. A new person should not play with full suspension. This is something that is best left to the seasoned persons. We like our play to be fun but within reason for people's skill and limit level. That is sanity.
3. The basic premise of the foundation is consensual. A sub/slave decides to submit, not the other way around. Those who try to push one into submitting are really taking a hostage. That is not consensual. We strive to have consent as the foundation of the relationship.
Remember these three parameters when entering into this life. There is nothing worse than a scene gone wrong. That is how people get hurt.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
How To Get Into BDSM?
This is the easiest way to get into BDSM.
Just add duct tape.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Just add duct tape.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Professional versus Amateur
Where do you qualify on this scale. To start, when I refer to a professional, I am not referring to someone who makes their living as a Dom/Domme. While there are people who choose to do this, they are in the extreme minority. What I mean by professional is someone who takes this way of life seriously. They approach their "craft" like they any other professional.
There are many who approach BDSM with the idea of being "tire kickers". It is wonderful for people to take a look at our way of life to decide if it is for them. These are not the people that I question. Rather, I am taken aback by those who profess to live this way yet are amateurish in their approach. They failed to move to the next stage in their development.
A professional is someone who takes their trade seriously. They are people who are willing to put in the time learning all they can about what they do. Certain trades have apprentice programs where one learns the basics before being certified. Continuing education is important (and often required). One is committed to staying on top of the latest developments within his or her profession.
Contrast that with many who claim to be involved in BDSM. There are many I encounter who state they are slaves while behaving more like a Dom. They want to retain control over their lives which shows they missed the basics of being a sub/slave. At the same time, there are so many dominant personalities who believe they are Doms/Masters. Of course, without the basics in control, accessories, and furniture, One will end up failing.
The Internet is a wonderful tool which allows for people to garner knowledge rapidly. We now have access to millions (billions or trillions) of pages worth of information. If one is interested in learning about something, there are plenty of places to turn. While being questionable in the validity of the information, at least it is a starting point.
Nevertheless, many fail to take this vital step. That is why I wrote the book, An Owned Life, as a way to offer some of the basics of the M/s world. Judging by the sales results, there obviously was a huge market that was crying for this. It is my goal to assist people in their effort to move from amateur to professional.
If you are going to be involved in an alternative lifestyle, I feel that it is only fair that you have some idea if what it is all about. Every walk of life has some basics and this lifestyle is no different. Learning the basics of BDSM is a great step towards becoming knowledgeable about they way we live. Start by acquiring all the know-how that you can.
An Owned Life is a great place to start.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
There are many who approach BDSM with the idea of being "tire kickers". It is wonderful for people to take a look at our way of life to decide if it is for them. These are not the people that I question. Rather, I am taken aback by those who profess to live this way yet are amateurish in their approach. They failed to move to the next stage in their development.
A professional is someone who takes their trade seriously. They are people who are willing to put in the time learning all they can about what they do. Certain trades have apprentice programs where one learns the basics before being certified. Continuing education is important (and often required). One is committed to staying on top of the latest developments within his or her profession.
Contrast that with many who claim to be involved in BDSM. There are many I encounter who state they are slaves while behaving more like a Dom. They want to retain control over their lives which shows they missed the basics of being a sub/slave. At the same time, there are so many dominant personalities who believe they are Doms/Masters. Of course, without the basics in control, accessories, and furniture, One will end up failing.
The Internet is a wonderful tool which allows for people to garner knowledge rapidly. We now have access to millions (billions or trillions) of pages worth of information. If one is interested in learning about something, there are plenty of places to turn. While being questionable in the validity of the information, at least it is a starting point.
Nevertheless, many fail to take this vital step. That is why I wrote the book, An Owned Life, as a way to offer some of the basics of the M/s world. Judging by the sales results, there obviously was a huge market that was crying for this. It is my goal to assist people in their effort to move from amateur to professional.
If you are going to be involved in an alternative lifestyle, I feel that it is only fair that you have some idea if what it is all about. Every walk of life has some basics and this lifestyle is no different. Learning the basics of BDSM is a great step towards becoming knowledgeable about they way we live. Start by acquiring all the know-how that you can.
An Owned Life is a great place to start.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sword Play
Last night I engaged in some sword play. This is similar to knife play but using a samurai sword. It is really an intoxicating experience for both a Dom/Master and a sub/slave. Of course, this is not something for those who are new to the lifestyle. It is one of the activities which One must work toward.
The basic premise of the scene is to have her feel the cold steel against her body. A sword is a versatile object when used properly. In the simplest form, it is a nice accessory to spank one with. Instead of a paddle, One can make her ass nice and red with the sword. Mine is a heavy model so the downward thrusts really make a dark mark.
Also, the end of the sword is pointed allowing for a severing of the skin. Using the weapon in this way requires precision and a steady hand. The idea is to not go too deep so as to hurt her. When it is done properly, the skin is marked without drawing blood. It is a great turn-on to see the red line underneath the skin where the blood is pushing to get out. Nevertheless, the occasional drawing of blood is not a bad thing. It will add to the scene if she is into that sort of thing.
Finally, the sword can be used to tinker with the sensitive areas. When blindfolded, she will jump when she feels that steel against the pussy. Again, this is only for those who are familiar with this form of play. Great damage can be caused if One is not careful. Nevertheless, she will go crazy at the feeling of being taken in such a way.
The experience last night was enhanced since I blindfolded her and proceeded without warning her. She was completely unaware of what was to transpire which adds to the enjoyment. A sub/slave loves being taken by someone she trusts. When you have the ability to move towards something so extreme, you will awaken even the most experienced sub/slave. Few will take the time to progress to this point. Do so and you will stand out.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
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