I am a big believer in the laws of nature and that we, as human beings, are a part of this system. Therefore, we see that:
Jesse Owens runs
For those who do not know who Jesse Owens was, he was an Olympic Sprinter who won multiple gold medals during the early part of the last century. He is considered by many to be the best sprinter of all time. In other words, he was a sensational runner.
It seems the BDSM world is full of people who prefer to give Jesse Owens a "run for his money". The difference is that Owens was not motivated by fear. Within the BDSM way of life, it is easy to see how fear helps to sabotage the quest that people put themselves upon. Fears have a way of manifesting themselves especially when they are continually focused upon.
The problem with running is that it becomes a habit. Now, if this is part of your weekly exercise program, i.e. running 5 miles, then it is a very good thing. However, if it is your answer to fear, then you are simply killing any chance of success in your life. This concept obviously applies to more than just BDSM. Nevertheless, we can really see it materialize in the lives of so many within our way of life.
People who are in BDSM tend to find their way here because the 'vanilla' or traditional world was lacking. Many of us experienced the ole square peg in a round hole feeling. While the idea we were not cut out for that path became quite apparent, there is something else at work which we must examine.
It is not uncommon for individuals in the BDSM world to be married 2, 3, 4, or, even, more times. This is a natural outcome considering the fact we were trying to fit into the traditional world. Often, when we look at the behavior of these individuals, we see fear is in operation. In fact, it is the main motivator for people. Not only do we see it in the failed marriages but also in numerous other failed relationships.
So what does this situation look like? The common scenario is one gets involved with another person in a deeply emotional relationship. For a period of time, things go along wonderfully. There is the typical honeymoon period where both parties can do no wrong and nirvana is present. Naturally, this period ends and the reality of the relationship emerges. As more time passes and things get more difficult, our good little runner starts to think about bailing. I will issue a bit of a caveat here by stating in many relationships, there is a time to use the door. However, the situation I am referring to is where one starts the process of leaving as things get difficult.
It is no secret that relationships take work. For one to be successful, both parties MUST be committed to overcoming the challenges which WILL arise. Everyone feels fear and uncertainty at times. Yet it is the true ones who are able to remain in there in spite of those feelings and work through whatever comes up. Communication is a vital part of this process which is another area where so many fall short. Instead of sharing, especially when in a relationship, they bottle up. Ask them what is wrong and "nothing" is the response. This is completely unproductive. Nevertheless, we see this all over the BDSM world.
Another factor that enters into the equation is even before one gets into a relationship. So many find themselves alone or having interactions which are unfulfilled simply because they are afraid of receiving what they desire. What do I mean by this? Quite simply, they allow fear to sabotage whatever path they are on. If they are starting to get involved in something that could be very fulfilling and ideal for them, fear steps in and stops them. They put on their running shoes and head the other way. Again, this is something we see all the time.
Another caveat inserted here. I will state, as my regular readers know, that safety is a crucial component. It is imperative that one take the necessary steps to protect him or herself. However, there is a limit to what is safe and what is counterproductive. In other words, be safe but realize there is also a time you need to let go and give it a shot. The truth is nothing in life entails 100% safety. Driving an automobile is a catastrophic event for many people at times. Yet most of us throw caution to the wind in the face of the risks and go for it (that is why we arrive at work...it would be a lot slower to take a bicycle).
As mentioned, the problem with running is that becomes a habit. The individuals that I am referring are apt to pick up at the first sign of difficulty. And what exactly is that difficulty? It is discomfort within him or her. Therefore, a person of this ilk is not likely to stop the practice. In fact, it is my experience that it is a mistake to go after a person of this nature. This action only opens up the realm of a second exiting. Once a runner, almost always a runner since the fear does not change.
I write this to make people aware of what goes on within them. The reason this is because the only solution is to be aware what is happening and stand in there regardless of how you feel. It is too easy to turn tail and run. However, while this might lessen the pressure within you, ultimately it negates any opportunity for success. A BDSM relationship is difficult. Leaving it at the first sign of difficulty might make you feel better in the short-term but will ultimately lead to dissatisfaction.
Jesse Owens was a great runner. It is also breath taking to see a cheetah or a deer on the open plains going full tilt. Yet this same quality among people within the BDSM world does not carry the same charm. Sadly, it is downright sickening to witness. When one is consumed and driven by fear, it is really a terrible sight. What gets even worse is when one is aware of this tendency in an individual and witnesses it over and over again.
Fear is something that we all need to learn how to cope with. The truth is it is impossible for anyone to be certain 100% of the time. It is a simple fact of life that fear will arise whenever there is some uncertainty. The unknown can be a scary place. Yet, this can also be an exciting place to explore and learn. So it really goes both ways.
At some point, you must decide that it is time to stop running. Fear is going to ensure you never reach a state of happiness and fulfillment. It is something that will take your life if you allow it. People get swallowed upon by this emotion often without realization. Running helps Olympic athletes achieve their goals but it is an awful way to attain success in the BDSM world. Fear seeks to maintain the status quo which, for many, means being alone or in a less than fulfilling relationship. The truth is you will not find the one who is a sensational fit for you if fear is the mechanism you obey. Nothing in life is guaranteed and there are always risks. However, it is the ones who are willing to move forward in spite of those challenges who enjoy the fruits of this world.
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