In the BDSM world, the word "Mastery" seems to apply solely to dominants. Many feel that when one takes his or her domination to a particular level, then that person is a "Master" (or Mistress for the females). This is something I agree with but leaves a lot to be lacking. And, this is where I believe the BDSM community is following the wrong path.
Personal Mastery is something that everyone should strive for. Regardless of the status in life or the lifestyle pursued, we all should excel in as many areas as possible. It is frustrating to witness so many short change their lives because of their inattention to this matter. Within BDSM, this is something that applies equally to submissives as it does dominants.
People, in general, are under achievers. Few are willing to take the time to learn how to excel in the different areas of life. This is exemplified by those entering the BDSM way of life. It is amazing to see someone find this lifestyle and instantly call himself a Master or one to claim she is a slave. How did you achieve these levels? Obviously, the idea of honing one's skills never enters the mindset of these people. The truth is there is a lot to learn to be successful in a BDSM relationship. Again, this applies to both dominants and subsmissives. The fact that one is ceding control does not mean that he or she is absolved of responsibilities or does not require talent. Too many enter the lifestyle with this outlook.
The key idea is for each of us to take a look at all areas of our lives. BDSM is something that entails all about us. Those who overlook their weaknesses are apt to transfer them to another person when involved in a relationship. This is something that is witnessed regularly. The number one area I see is when it comes to emotional control. Too many simply are children without the ability to control themselves. Whether it is online or in person, people are this ilk tend to be driven by fear. They are apt to explode at the slightest inclination or provocation. Never have they spent time learning how to step back and maintain a cool head about things. Their tendency is simply to react without thought or hesitation. This is one of the reason why we see so many vile things said and done. Hurt people say and do hurtful things. Mastering oneself will help to minimize this tendency.
How Does One Live Life
It is crucial that all of us look at how we live life. I see so many who focus upon the "BDSM skills" of another when seeking to get into a relationship. It is wonderful if the person excels at impact play. However, a much better question is how is that person healthwise? Or are they responsible financially? Do they engage in behavior that is harmful physically, mentally, or emotionally? These are all situations that will arise within a relationship yet few take the time to investigate it about the other person.
What are your areas of weakness? This is something that I suggest everyone ask about him or herself. There will be those areas that are glaring which should require immediate attention. Of course, the worse it is the more the tendency is to avoid it. However, as members of the BDSM community, it is important that we each make ourselves into the best people possible. Part of this process is looking at our shortcomings and striving to overcome them. The advantage to doing this at this point in time is because we have access to all answers no matter what the problem.
Here are a few areas you should look at:
Health: how is your weight? Do you eat properly? Exercise regularly? Smoke or drink excessively? Do a search on healthier eating or quitting smoking. You will find a ton of information that assists you.
Financial: Are you in debt? Are you saving? How is your financial knowledge about the different investment vehicles out there? Do you live within your means? What is your relationship to money? Again there is a plethora of free programs available online to assist you in this area.
Emotionally: Do you understand reply versus respond? How does fear play into your life? Where does you ego come into play? How is your self esteem and what is it tied to? Are there past issues you never resolved?
Intellectual: Do you read and research non fiction topics? In addition to BDSM, what other areas do you study? How is your knowledge about world/national affairs? Do you have any idea what is going on around you? Are you able to formulate viewpoints and express them? How are your communication skills?
BDSM is a way of life. Hence no aspect of life is exempt from scrutiny. Few people seem to understand that each of us a representative of the lifestyle in general. How we live is a testament to our character as individuals and, collectively, the lifestyle as a while. It is sad that the loudest among us seems to be the worst in terms of quality. Resolve to do your part for the BDSM community by becoming the best person you can be.
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