December 31, 2012


Mastery is something that society does not talk about much.  We see it somewhat in the trades with people attaining the status of Master Carpenter or Master Electrician.  These are designations which are received after years of study, practice, and testing.  People who operate at this realm put in the necessary time and effort to be recognized as some of the best in their field.  Obviously, this is a person who one wants to deal with if that service is required.

Personal Mastery

In the BDSM world, the word "Mastery" seems to apply solely to dominants.  Many feel that when one takes his or her domination to a particular level, then that person is a "Master" (or Mistress for the females).  This is something I agree with but leaves a lot to be lacking.  And, this is where I believe the BDSM community is following the wrong path.

Personal Mastery is something that everyone should strive for.  Regardless of the status in life or the lifestyle pursued, we all should excel in as many areas as possible.  It is frustrating to witness so many short change their lives because of their inattention to this matter.  Within BDSM, this is something that applies equally to submissives as it does dominants.

People, in general, are under achievers.  Few are willing to take the time to learn how to excel in the different areas of life.  This is exemplified by those entering the BDSM way of life.  It is amazing to see someone find this lifestyle and instantly call himself a Master or one to claim she is a slave.  How did you achieve these levels?  Obviously, the idea of honing one's skills never enters the mindset of these people.  The truth is there is a lot to learn to be successful in a BDSM relationship.  Again, this applies to both dominants and subsmissives.  The fact that one is ceding control does not mean that he or she is absolved of responsibilities or does not require talent.  Too many enter the lifestyle with this outlook.

The key idea is for each of us to take a look at all areas of our lives.  BDSM is something that entails all about us.  Those who overlook their weaknesses are apt to transfer them to another person when involved in a relationship.  This is something that is witnessed regularly.  The number one area I see is when it comes to emotional control.  Too many simply are children without the ability to control themselves.  Whether it is online or in person, people are this ilk tend to be driven by fear.  They are apt to explode at the slightest inclination or provocation.  Never have they spent time learning how to step back and maintain a cool head about things.  Their tendency is simply to react without thought or hesitation.  This is one of the reason why we see so many vile things said and done.  Hurt people say and do hurtful things.  Mastering oneself will help to minimize this tendency.

How Does One Live Life

It is crucial that all of us look at how we live life.  I see so many who focus upon the "BDSM skills" of another when seeking to get into a relationship.  It is wonderful if the person excels at impact play.  However, a much better question is how is that person healthwise?  Or are they responsible financially?  Do they engage in behavior that is harmful physically, mentally, or emotionally?  These are all situations that will arise within a relationship yet few take the time to investigate it about the other person.

What are your areas of weakness?  This is something that I suggest everyone ask about him or herself.  There will be those areas that are glaring which should require immediate attention.  Of course, the worse it is the more the tendency is to avoid it.  However, as members of the BDSM community, it is important that we each make ourselves into the best people possible.  Part of this process is looking at our shortcomings and striving to overcome them.  The advantage to doing this at this point in time is because we have access to all answers no matter what the problem.

Here are a few areas you should look at:

Health:  how is your weight?  Do you eat properly? Exercise regularly? Smoke or drink excessively?  Do a search on healthier eating or quitting smoking.  You will find a ton of information that assists you.

Financial: Are you in debt?  Are you saving?  How is your financial knowledge about the different investment vehicles out there?  Do you live within your means?  What is your relationship to money?  Again there is a plethora of free programs available online to assist you in this area.

Emotionally:  Do you understand reply versus respond?  How does fear play into your life?  Where does you ego come into play?  How is your self esteem and what is it tied to?  Are there past issues you never resolved?

Intellectual: Do you read and research non fiction topics?  In addition to BDSM, what other areas do you study?  How is your knowledge about world/national affairs?  Do you have any idea what is going on around you?  Are you able to formulate viewpoints and express them?  How are your communication skills?

BDSM is a way of life.  Hence no aspect of life is exempt from scrutiny.  Few people seem to understand that each of us a representative of the lifestyle in general.  How we live is a testament to our character as individuals and, collectively, the lifestyle as a while.  It is sad that the loudest among us seems to be the worst in terms of quality.  Resolve to do your part for the BDSM community by becoming the best person you can be.  


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December 29, 2012

Character Versus Intelligence

There are a lot of highly intelligent people involved in the BDSM community.  People from all walks of life enter into this lifestyle.  It is not uncommon to meet doctors, college professors, accountants, and business executives.  At the same time, we see that this way of life fits for many plumbers, laborers, and homemakers.  Regardless of the status level, you will find those people involved here. 


Intelligence is something that is valued in the modern world and rightly so.  Some of the greatest minds lived in the last couple hundred years.  Because of this, we now reap the benefits for their collective mental efforts.  Devices that we take for granted today are the result of highly intelligent people getting together and advancing the work of their predecessors.  Laptop computers, cell phones, microwaves, and cable television were all fantasies a generation ago.  However, today, these are "must have" devices.

The ability to think is what separates us from the other members of the Animal Kingdom (that and the opposable thumb).  In the BDSM world, having intelligence is extremely important.  Dominants need to be able to use their mental abilities to establish a direction for a BDSM relationship while navigating all the pitfalls that seem to accompany life.  At the same time, submissives need to understand how they are to interact and use the mind to properly execute all responsibility assigned.  Much of one's standing within the lifestyle is based upon his/her intelligence level. 

Before going any further, it is crucial to define what intelligence is.  Certainly, it contains the natural ability to think.  Those with high IQs are considered intelligent.  However, there is a great deal more to intelligence than just natural smarts.  Knowledge gained through one's own experience and the experiences of others is another aspect of intelligence.  Those who fail to learn the lessons of life are apt to repeat the same mistakes.  This is not intelligent behavior.  Common sense is another component of an intelligent person, one that is often overlooked in the BDSM community.  People seem to turn their sensibilities off upon entering this lifestyle usually to their detriment.

Intelligence is something to be valued but it is not the entire package.


As I mentioned in my last post, character is something that few in the vanilla world pay attention to.  The world has a way of modeling that which is determines to be important.  Success is based upon what one has as opposed to who one is (becoming).  This is the collective mindset of the Western World.  Entering the upper regions of society is what you get there is secondary. 

The BDSM world does a better job of establishing the importance of character.  However, based upon my observation, it is mostly lip service.  Words such as honor, loyalty, pride, and service are mentioned regularly but rarely exhibited.  This creates a hypocritical situation which puts one at odds with oneself.  Sadly, few realize this or do not care.

Respect for others is a fundamental part of character.  When one takes the attitude that he or she is better than everyone else, it shows a lack of class.  Cockiness is something that few relish.  Personal confidence is an attribute that all should strive for but an over expanded ego is nothing more than fear and low self worth.  Nevertheless, we see so many who have to tell everyone else exactly how they are to live in this lifestyle.  At the same time, many, especially dominants, believe that being in this way of life gives them a license to act like total jackasses.  We see this online in BDSM chatrooms everywhere.

Another aspect of character is the fact that few people believe their word means anything.  This is tied to the idea of being loyal and honorable.  The old adage if you say you are going to do something, then do it.  This is how one lives in congruence with one's word.  Again, in the BDSM community we fail to see this.  There are those submissives who like to Master Hop the first sign of difficulty.  People seem to have the view "easy in, easy out" when it comes to relationships.  At the same time, dominants mislead submissives into believing they will take care of them only to end up being the exact opposite.  Dishonesty is the rule of the day.

Personal Responsibility

The way to change one million people is to get one million people to change themselves.  This is the mindset that I have adopted for the new year.  It is time each of us took personal responsibility for all that we do especially in the BDSM world.  Every action is a reflection of our character.  Paying attention to this will help us all to behave in ways that align with what BDSM is all about.

The first question is are you doing you absolute best in all that you do?  Too many think that BDSM is something that is picked up and put down.  Certainly, there are those within the lifestyle who prefer to engage in the "play" aspects only and not "live" it.  That is perfectly acceptable for those who choose this but they are not the ones I am referring.  My attention is focused upon those who feel that BDSM is a way of life that they want to lead.

I see to many who are quick to jump into relationships upon entering the lifestyle.  They do this without having the skills to operate on this plane.  Instead of seeking what they can add to another person's life, they are looking for someone to save them.  This is where the inherent selfishness enters.  Relationships will fulfill us and do provide something to each person.  However, if one is there to take from the interaction without giving back, then the life of the relationship is limited.  And, this is one of the reasons why BDSM relationships tend to dissolve so quickly.  People seem to believe it is their place to take instead of give.

The ability to succeed in a BDSM relationship is directly related to one's ability to succeed in life.  There are so many who do not focus attention upon themselves and what they are doing.  Instead, they play the blame game, victim, or simply look at the world around them as at fault.  The truth is that BDSM is a journey into one self.  How do you behave in all aspects of your life?  This is what establishes the limits of your relationship.  Those who lack control, emotional or otherwise, will not succeed in BDSM.  Sure, one can blame the dominant or submissive, but is that accurate?  In most instances, it is a cop out.  We all need to take responsibility for what we decide to do.  Failure to do that is embracing a powerless state.

A person of character realizes that in all situations he or she is responsible.  This sounds at odds with a lifestyle that is based upon power exchange but it is completely accurate.  Certainly a submissive grants the power over to another.  However, what is done from that point on is within her realm of responsibility.  One makes the choose of how he or she approaches the decisions that are made.  Are qualities such as honor, loyalty, and respect exemplified?  Or are the actions done begrudgingly?  While approaching situations with intelligence is important, does this person show a complete lack of respect for others around?  Concepts like these are crucial if we are to progress forward as individuals.

The bottom line is that trust is required in all aspects of life.  In the BDSM world, interactions that lack trust are doomed to fail.  Too many simply allow their mouths to state whatever while presenting a different image through their actions.  Talking about a thing such as honor is admirable but it is far more noble to live it.  And, never forget that success is in the simple.  Those who have character will behave in appropriate manners regardless of the protocol.  Something simple as doing the dishes when you say you will goes a long way to establishing the type of person you are.  Continually letting others down, especially one you are involved with, shows a lack of respect for them and failing character on your part.  Trust is difficult to build but easy to rip down.  What we think is one thing but it is what we do that matters to others.


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December 26, 2012

The Nastiness of BDSM

Of late I am giving a lot of thought to the state of the BDSM community in general.  Sadly, I adopted an outlook which is not too promising about where we are going.  The things that I am witnessing are of great concern to me.  Ergo, I am at a crossroads.  Do I remain a focal figure in the fight to change things or move on with my life enjoying this lifestyle on a personal level?  This is something that we are all confronted with at different times.  Hence, I decided to concentrate my efforts on making a difference.  There is a lot to do and 2013 is when I am going to start it.


The BDSM community is a nasty place.  On a personal level, part of my kink is that I enjoy those who are totally nasty.  However, this is not the type of behavior I am referring to.  Instead, we see so many who feel the need to be mean to others and degrade them in an effort to lift themselves up.  The tonality which people communicate is completely unacceptable.  People are so intent on proving themselves right that they do not consider the views of others.  Ultimately, there is a "my way or the highway" approach. 

Many seem to justify this by proclaiming the world is a nasty place.  I will agree that society in general has taken on this view.  People, today, lack the friendliness and compassion that existed in years past.  The "Good Samaritan" story is a complete work of fiction in this day and age.  People will step around someone having a heart attack on the street with nary a thought of that person. Violence is on the rise in most places with human beings doing the most horrific things to each other.  So the outlook many point to is absolutely accurate.

However, does that mean that the BDSM community should reflect what is going on around us?  We are all aware of what it is like to be ostracized by society.  The fact that we live an "alternative" lifestyle means that we are different from them (at least in their eyes).  People involved in this way of life made a conscious choice to live differently.  We are not normal according to the standards erected by others.  In their view, we are not up to their standards.  Unfortunately, it is my view that the BDSM community lives exactly up to society's standards and all the nastiness that goes along with it.


Character is something that is rarely talked about in the "normal" world.  Money, success, power, achievement, and the McMansion are all qualities that one is suppose to strive for.  The idea of living according to well defined principles is foreign to most.  Character, the quality of person that you are, is paramount if we, as a community, are going to reverse course.

Fear is a powerful weapon.  It is something that humans are now conditioned to buy into.  Originally provided by nature as an ally in the fight or flight scenarios, fear took on a new meaning.  Now, instead of arising in those life threatening situations, it manifests itself in hundreds of different ways.  This is a driving force in our lifestyle.

Ego operates at so many different levels.  Even those who suffer extreme inferiority complexes behave from ego.  The need to be right is a prime example.  When one's identity is tied to the thoughts and impressions of others, this is going to cause one to be confrontational when one is questioned.  Few have the ability to allow others to maintain their point of view.  Instead, the fear of looking "less than" causes one to attack.  This is not a harmonious approach on any level.

The same is true for the "my way or highway" approach to BDSM.  Reality is that people are free to choose how they opt to live their lives.  BDSM is an extension of that ideal.  Part of the process that all must undergo when entering the lifestyle is to determine where he or she fits.  In other words, what do you like?  There is no cookie cutter approach. Some prefer high protocol while others want something less structured.  Gorean works for some while others detest the idea of structuring life based upon a Sci-Fi novel.  Light bondage is the preference at times while others want TPE in all areas.  Regardless of where one decides to interact, the point is to exhibit character.

Over the next few weeks I am going to concentrate my writings on the areas that are important in this regard.  To change anything around us, we must first change ourselves.  Adhering to this principle, you will notice how personal focus is going to be the main theme.  If each person takes a responsible approach to his/her BDSM life, together, we can make a difference within the community at large.  However, it has to start with the person looking back at you in the mirror.

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December 12, 2012

The Opinion Of Others

Your life is yours to do with it as you wish.

This is a fundamental belief of mine.  Today, I live in a relatively free country although many of those freedoms, in my view, are being eliminated.  This allows me to chose how I want to live my life and what I do with my time.  Every individual walking this planet is given the same thing.  Basically, we are granted a certain period of time to live and then we die.  Some of us get 8 decades while others only get a few days.  The bottom line is none of us are going to live forever and it is up to us to determine how we utilize that time.

Living According To Others

My regular readers know I often write about "societal conditioning".  The reason I do this is because we are all programmed by our surroundings to live a certain way.  Most people have both direct and indirect influences upon them.  Some of the direct ones are parents, teachers, friends, neighbors, and other family members.  The media or overall cultural norms are some of the indirect factors which shape our lives.  Regardless of how it is derived the truth is that most of us adopt beliefs that reflect those around us.

In addition to beliefs, another factor that arises is the common idea that people succumb to the wishes of others.  Societal conditioning, in all its forms, trains us the proper paths in life to follow.  If we stray from what is considered "normal", one risks being ostracized.  Peer pressure is a powerful weapon.  Few like to be isolated and feel different from everyone else.  People, inherently it seems, have a natural insecurity which is magnified when one is made to feel different.  

Therefore, we embrace the concept of "people pleasing".  Trying to stay in the good graces of others is so vital to most of us.  We follow the path established by others so that we will not suffer any of the ill consequences of not doing so.  Individuality is stressed until one actually exercises it.  Then we find there is a price to pay for "leaving the reservation".  This is why one from a long line of doctors also becomes a doctor (or whatever profession).  People will marry the proper person (race, religion, looks, etc..) for the same reason.  Political, religious, and sports affiliations are usually a matter of the family tendencies and the physical location where one was raised.  Overall, people live according to the ideals of others.

Understanding That Its Your Life

BDSM is an alternate life path.  Even though there are a number of recent situations which helped to move the lifestyle more towards the mainstream, the bottom line is that people who engage in BDSM activities, at least to the lifestyle degree, are in the minority.  Therefore, those of us who elect this way of life open ourselves up to the criticism of others.  Most do not understand what we are into and can only judge.  Open-mindedness, something that is talked about a great deal, is rarely present.  The emotional impact is enhanced when it is coming from someone who is close to us.

Your life is just that....yours.  It is imperative that you make decisions that lead to your fulfillment.  Certainly we all have responsibilities and there are times we must do things which we do not like.  However, that does not mean one is obligated to follow a particular path simply to appease the opinions of others.  The truth is that no matter what you do, the critics will still exist.  Thus, you might as well go about doing what makes you happy.

Does this mean we are arrogant and obtuse about our decisions?  No.  I am a believer that just because we choose to live a certain way, in this instance BDSM, that does not mean we are entitled to infringe upon others.  If, for example, one moves in with his/her parents, that does not mean he or she walks around the house naked with only a riding crop (unless the parents are into that type of thing).  I see the tendency of so many who are new to the lifestyle to tell everyone what they are now involved in.  Most find out that the joy is not shared by his or her loved ones.  Their lack of understanding (and disappointment) is quickly expressed.

You choice to enter the BDSM world is an individual decision.  This is not something that can be done to satisfy a partner, friend, or anyone else.  BDSM is a wonderful way to live for those who truly desire it.  At the same time, it is also difficult and trying.  Persistence is a trait that many require.  Sadly, if you are not committed to it for yourself, you will find this quality lacking.  And that is one of the main reasons why so many just "dabble" in the lifestyle.

Whatever your decision, remember that the opinion of others does not matter.  This is your life.  Trying to satisfy those around you is an impossible task.  You have only a certain number of days left on this planet.  In the end, everyone with an opinion will end up dead just like you.  At that time, what they think will not matter.  Well, guess what?  Their opinions are meaningless right now.  Decide to live life as you see fit.  If BDSM hits home with you, pursue it with all the vigor you can muster.  There is no reason why you should have to settle for anything less.

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December 9, 2012

Maturity Level

Today I am going to cover a topic that seems constant within the BDSM community.  It is sad that a lifestyle that is considered "alternative" and leads to the ostracizing of so many by the vanilla world would take such an approach.  But, alas, it is the case and one that I witnessed for years, especially in the online world.

Difficult Path

The Internet has been a mixed blessing for the BDSM community.  While it has allowed for the spread of information and opened up the lifestyle to many more people, it is also a medium that requires some specialized skills to navigate.  One of the foundations of the Internet is anonymity.   A person has the ability to become whatever he or she wants.  There is no way to verify everything that a person is saying.  That is why this mechanism is so wrought with fraud.  Almost all of us has received the email from the Prince who has $30M back in his home country that he is willing to share if you provide the $10,000 to assist him in getting it back.  It is a scammers paradise.

Certainly not everyone is a fraud and a scammer.  However, my experience is that half of the "people" online are not who they claim to be.  Some are married when they state they are single but are just looking for some online fun.  Others are assuming a role of the opposite sex for their giggles.  And still others are short and plump when they claim to be tall, dark, and handsome.  This is the reality of what we deal with when engaging others online.


In addition to the frauds, another problem I noticed if the fact that people can get very "clickish" when dealing online.  It is interesting to watch how people will protect each other when in fact, most likely, they are nothing more than characters on a screen to each other.  Sure it is possible that they interact through more traditional mediums but not likely when you notice that many are in separate parts of the world.  Regardless of their relations, the sad fact is that clicks are a sign of immaturity and the fact that they are so common tells me the level of maturity of most.  This is something that makes me think we are back in high school.

Another problem with this behavior is for those who are new and truly have the desire to learn.  Have you noticed how mistakes are not tolerated?  This is commonplace on the sites where "protocol" is the norm.  These are the places where a bunch of "doms" demand respect and all subs are to behavior in a certain manner.  Another part of my experience is that most of these dominants are nothing more than buffoons who really have no idea what domination is.  At the same time, someone who is new is being indoctrinated into this stupidity.  BDSM is about freedom and personal development.  Behaving in a rote manner is a sign of laziness and lacking in imagination.  Yet these are the places that many flock to.  In turn, our submissive is surrounded by others who believe this is how things are.  Sadly, if the new person begins to question or strays from the protocol, he or she (most likely she) is ostracized.


 The bottom line is there is a great deal of rudeness which takes place.  It still baffles me how common courtesy is absent.  I guess it is to be expected when one is a borderline fraud and he or she is well aware of it.  Fear makes people behave in strange ways.  When one is possessive of other or his/her place, it is natural that person is going to be aggressive in defending that.  Yet, this only reflects upon that person and tells anyone watching "I am insecure".

Those who are comfortable with themselves do not feel the need to be rude.  I have no problem with being respectful nor interactive with anyone regardless of their "position" within the lifestyle.  The fact that I am dominant and have lived a certain way thus gaining experiences that perhaps others do not have at this moment does not put me higher on the scale.  A new person,dominant or submissive, is just another individual.  That person has feelings and desires the same as everyone else.  Sadly, this outlook is not commonplace.

Again, one's behavior reflects more on them than the other person.  So, if you are one who is rude and ignoring people because they do not fit into your click, take a look at your actions.  What is that saying about yourself and, more importantly, why do you behave in such a way?  What are you afraid of?  Why do you feel the need to instantly degrade someone just because you are supposedly dominant?  It is best to remember the person on the other end of your interaction is a human being.  Just because he or she does not adhere to your protocol or fit into your click, that is your hangup.  If you need to behave in such a manner, that shows that you are both immature and scared.   Perhaps you should think about growing up; high school is over.

It is time that we all start approaching one another in a more respectful, genuine manner.  People who are involved in this lifestyle find enough ways to be ostracized by the vanilla world.  There is no need for us to compound the situation without our interactions.

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December 5, 2012

Abuse 103

This entry is going to discuss a very important subject for those who are involved in the BDSM lifestyle.  Many seem to feel that it is something that can be overlooked in certain situations.  Sadly, this is not the case and it is this one activity which causes the horrific stories we read about in the mainstream press.  It is time to clarify this issue so that people are aware of the necessity of SAFE WORDS.

Safety Is Most Important

I cannot stress this enough.  There is nothing more important than safety in the BDSM world.  Everything is secondary to this.  There is nothing that a dominant person should place higher in the forefront of his/her mind than ensuring the person entrusted is well taken care of.  Submissive persons are putting themselves at great risk by handing that trust over.  Naturally, this should not be done easily.  It is crucial that the person who is being entrusted is worthy. 

Unfortunately, many are not responsible with the power they are given.  For this reason, a submissive must ensure that all activity proceeds in a safe manner.  Anything to the contrary would necessitate exiting the situation.  I am well aware of protocol and how a submissive needs permission.  Hogwash.  When it comes to matters of safety, if the dominant is not being responsible, the submissive needs to leave.  Protocol be damned.  Nothing is worth risking your life or body because someone is either naive or asinine.

Another point that must be mentioned is that there are many within the BDSM world who use it as a guise to abuse.  There are a lot of naive people who enter this lifestyle believing everything that is told to him or her.  It is scary at how these people are instantly prey for those who have an agenda to hurt.  Being dominant does not mean being able to take advantage of another however you see fit.  It means being able to control the mind and body of another while leading him or her to a predetermined outcome.  Growth is the foundation of all success both inside and outside the BDSM world.

Always Use A Safe Word

Notice the word "always" in the title.  This is word is not substitutable.  One cannot use words such as "sometimes", "most often", "occasionally", or "when I feel like".  A safe word must ALWAYS be used.  Every situation that involves any type of impact play, bondage, or other types of extreme interaction requires the use of this strategy.  It is something that a submissive needs in his or her arsenal.

I often hear that because someone is a slave, this is not the case.  Sure "it is fine for the subs but my slave does not need a safe word; I know when she had enough."  Again...HOGWASH.  I am in this way of life a long time in scenes with many different types of people, some who absolutely loved pain to the point of wanting to pass out.  That being said, I ALWAYS give one a safe word to use.  At any moment that it is uttered, all activity stops.  This is non-negotiable on either part.  If a sub wants things to continue, do not say the safe word.  It is an automatic stop sign.

The bottom line is that even if you are involved with a person for a long time, it is impossible to know how they are day-to-day.  Simply because one could attain a certain level one day, that does not mean that he or she can go there the next.  Each day our bodies, minds, and emotions are different.  Therefore, a submissive needs that exit strategy to cease the activity if it becomes too much.  One might be adept at reading the person under care but it is not foolproof.  Ignoring this concept is what leads to accidents, some of which are fatal.

If you are dealing with someone who says that he or she never uses a safe word or that "you dont need that", run the other way.  I am here to forewarn you about this person.  Also, if you find yourself in a situation where one is ignoring the safe word you state, as soon are you can get free, leave.  Do not deal with a person of this sort.  This is a point that is not open to negotiation.  BDSM is a consensual lifestyle for responsible people.  One who opts for the path just described is not responsible but, rather, an abuser.

Remember this as you trek around the Internet and real time BDSM world.  There are a lot of abusers out there.  It is up to you to recognize the warning signs.  

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December 2, 2012

Mastery: More Than Being Dominant

Words have meaning.  To truly understand what is going on, it is helpful to know precisely what a word means and the message it conveys.  Most people do not take the time to do this.  Also, when it comes to the BDSM world, they tend to think that what applies in the traditional realm is not applicable here.  This is where they are mistaken.


Too many people believe that simply because they have a particular characteristic that this translate into knowledge.  The prime example of this are all the people we meet online who claim to be "Masters".  Here we have an individual who has identified the quality of domination within oneself yet falsely believes that equates to mastery.  Therefore, our wonderful new person capitalizes his name and enters the BDSM world as a master.

In the electrical field, we see many who enter that career because they have the inclination.  From the days of their youth, they were always tinkering with electronic devices.  This lead to a fascination with electricity and, ultimately, a pursuit of it as a career.  However, this leaning towards the electrical field does not make this person a master.  In fact, he or she enters as an apprentice studying under a Master Electrician.  It takes years of study for one to reach this certification.  A general tendency does not equate to mastery.  You find this true in all the skilled fields.

Yet in BDSM people do not think like this.  They think the term Master is something that is given (usually self titled).  Few realize all that goes into successfully being a master of someone else.  To start, it requires mastery over oneself, something few seem to be able to do.  Secondly, total responsibility must be assumed hence the shift of playing the blame game which is so often present in people today.  Finally, areas of expertise such as particular types of play, psychology, and time management all come into play.  As you can guess, simply because one suddenly claims to be a master, that does not mean any expertise is present in any of these fields.

Mastering Oneself

I see few mention this in the online world but I feel it is the most important part of becoming a master.  So many are touting that they will take complete control of a slave's life and run it as they see fit.  The question is what are your qualifications for doing that?  For example, most want to control the money on a slave's behalf.  How successful is that person at running his own financial affairs?  If that person just blew through a $1M inheritance with nothing to show for it or is in debt with credit cards beyond human comprehension, perhaps that is a bad idea.  The same is true with one physique.  While it is not important to have a supermodel body, do you have enough control over yourself to exercise and eat properly.  Sure, there will be exceptions to the rule because of illness or some other medical condition, but the fact is most people in the Western World do not take care of themselves physically.  To me, this shows no mastery over this part of one's life.  Yet these people often are out there promoting the idea that they want someone "who is fit".  Take a look in the mirror first.

Having a natural inclination towards domination is only the starting point.  If you seek becoming a master of someone else, it is best to star the process of study.  Like in the trades, it is going to require years of study before you are at this level.  Unlike those professions, there are no course nor certifications which can be attained.  It is up to you to seek out the knowledge and sift through all the misleading garbage that is written.  This can make things difficult.  However, the effort itself shows a great deal about the embracing of this idea.  One who seeks to learn and ardently pursues that end cannot help but to acquire knowledge. 

I often write how the journey into BDSM is a journey within.  If you truly desire mastery, you will need to get honest with yourself about how well you have mastered your own life.  One area that is critical is emotional mastery.  People who cannot control their emotions are dangerous.  This is magnified when we are in a lifestyle where someone else is vulnerable to attack (either physical or psychological) from that said person.  Emotional stability is one of the main areas where masters are different from dominants.  One can make rational decisions in the face of emotional upheaval whereas the other simply allow his/her emotions to dictate the outcome.  Emotional mastery is something that I stress for all people.  This is a process that will take years to accomplish so it is best to start immediately.  Fear, anger, resentment, and anguish are present for all humans.  Masters will know how to deal with these things in an effective manner where someone else is not harmed by words or actions.  If not, crossing the line into abuse is very easy.  And this is not good for anyone involved.

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