September 30, 2009


If there is any single topic which creates controversy within the BDSM community, it is the idea of being a "switch". For whatever reason, there is a mindset which says one must be either dominant or submissive. The idea that someone could have both tendencies is foreign to most. For this reason, they discount this sector of people in an unpalatable manner.

In my book, An Owned Life, I covered the subject of switches. This is a topic that is not written about too often and I believe this leads many to fail to get the answers they seek. Whenever the topic is broached in forums online, I see the fangs come out. Many are comfortable degrading those who claim to be switches by denouncing their sincerity. The idea that both domination and submission ring within an individual causes others to call them "fakes" and "pretenders". I find this sad since there are so many true fakes and pretenders who need to be called out.

Here is my skinny on people who are switches. To start, they are as normal and natural as everyone else in this lifestyle. Just because they are different does not make them any less so. They play an important role in the BDSM community with the presence being heralded as opposed to denounced. Their quest for happiness is found within the same lifestyle as the rest of us. And, their trek to get here mirrors ours in the frustration and catastrophes experienced in the traditional world.

Switches simply are people who have both tendencies naturally. While this will vary from person-to-person, it seems there are situations which brings out one versus the other. For example, I run across women who like to dominate a woman while being submissive to a man. Their preference is based upon gender. I also met women who dominated their husbands while bringing me in to dominate them. These people use the type of relationship to dictate their choice at that moment. Finally, there are some who allow the individual personality of the other person to dictate how they behave.

This is just a snapshot of some of the behavioral types that I encountered. As mentioned, I am certain there are many more. The bottom line is that these people are just as welcomed in BDSM circles as Masters and slaves with 20 years experience. Online degradation of these individuals shows the fallacy of the people involved in those particular venues. Anyone who takes the time to explore inwardly what he or she is naturally belongs in this way of life. Sadly, as we all know, the online world is full of people who are pretending to be something. My experience tells me it is not the switches who are pretending. One might want to look at the "Masters" and "slaves".

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