October 12, 2009


To collar or not to collar? That is the question.

This is a topic that is highly personal which I thought warranted some thoughts. Many in the lifestyle feel that a collar is important. Others do not put much stock in it. My experience is that people fall all over the board on this one.

My personal preference is that I do not put much into a collar. A slave is either owned or she is not. A collar does not make anything different. Nor does it make the interaction between two people any more real. Perhaps this stems from my belief that I do not put much into symbolism in general.

Many equate the collar to a wedding ring. I can only presume there are some instances where this is a valid analogy. Many make the lifelong commitment to each other and a ring is a symbol of that commitment (in the traditional world). There are some who make that same commitment in the BDSM lifestyle and a collar could mean the same thing.

However, this is where issues arise. How many people are truly making a lifelong commitment when they are offering one a collar? This is magnified when one considers the online realm where a slave is often directed to purchase her own collar. What is the meaning behind that? To me, I would feel that it is rather empty.

Why do some feel that a collar is so necessary? I cannot answer for everyone. Nevertheless, there are some who seem to put their faith in the symbol. It is almost as if they feel a collar will make what they have real. Does it or does it not? Once again, I can only conclude that it is only as valuable as the merit one places in it.

Realistically, how many truly are submitting with the intention of it being for life? To me, if one is to honestly be "collared", there should be that level of commitment. From the relationships I see generated online, the one consistency is that most enter into things rather rapidly. This might be natural yet is not practical for long term success. Some might be able to "click" quickly but most are entering into something totally blind.

So, is a collar necessary? I would say only if you are one who puts a great deal of importance in it. Some will want one; others will not. My experience is that, in most instances, it does not change much in terms of the relationship.

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Decca said...

As a submissive, I personally feel more secure when my Ma'am or my Sir has their collar around my neck. It's not so much about "commitment" for me as it is about security. I recently had to go almost a week without my collar due to having the flu and neither my Ma'am nor my Sir wanting anything around my neck when I was already having trouble breathing, and I found that I was much shakier, nervous, and panicky without it than I ever am when that collar is secure around my neck. Just my two cent's worth!

sqweakygurl on October 12, 2009 at 7:21 PM said...

I used to have the same idea about the collar. It felt like a long commitment was going to ensue if i were ever given one. My master and I are long distance and my collar is my way of having him with me all the time. It’s a secure, tangible reminder that i am owned, i am property and i am loved.

Anonymous said...

Brings to mind married couples I know who refuse to wear rings. "What is a ring but a symbol of insecurity? As if without that band the relationship would not exist."

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