The self improvement guru, for whatever that is worth, Tony Robbins says "a true decision cuts off any other possible outcome". This is a mindset that the most successful in life have. If you study those who achieve tremendous results, it is their mindset that separates them from any other outcome. It is easy to conclude it is their talent or they are lucky, but this is rarely the case. Sure some have an in-born talent for, music as an example, but they spend hours upon hours honing those skills. It is amazing how luck seems to increase the harder one works and the more prepared he or she is.
My question to you is how often have you made a decision about BDSM and cut off any other outcome? It is my observation that so many enter this way of life or, more specifically, get into a D/s or M/s relationship, with the intention of "trying things out". If you read the above paragraph, you will realize that the truly successful did not attain the heights they did because they were simply trying something out. Yes they experiment, research, and look for alternative avenues to pursue but they are resolved in their desire to succeed in that particular endeavor.
We simply need to look at how many approach BDSM to see that the mindset is the exact opposite. Instead of being committed and resolved to living this way of life, people approach it like buying a blouse or going car shopping. The "I'll try it out" model seems to be the norm. Now, I certainly agree that people enter this way of life without knowing if it is for them or not and "research" is required. I also fundamentally believe this is not for everyone. Many people are better suited to live in a traditional relationship. BDSM is difficult in many ways and the freedom that comes along with it is too much. It also is a way of life that is vastly different from what people are accustomed too, hence making it an uncomfortable situation.
What makes this situation even more interesting is those people who are around this way of life for a while, perhaps years, yet decide one day to give up BDSM and go back to "vanilla". This obviously is a result derived from the frustration of dealing with the pretenders and other assorted misfits. I will be the first to admit that what takes place on a daily basis is extremely frustrating. Nevertheless, this is where the mindset enters the picture. When one is truly committed to this way of life and succeeding in it, there is no other outcome. As Robbins says, all other possibilities are cut off. In fact, they do not even exist. When one is in this frame of mind, the frustration level might be high but it is not overwhelming. The desire to succeed means that one shakes off the pain and moves on...the quest continues.
Human ingenuity is amazing. We have the ability to achieve sensational things when we set our mind to it. I am not sure if you are a proponent of intention but I found the human mind has incredible power. When one sets forth an intention and earnestly pursues it, the outcome tends to be what he or she desired in the majority of the cases. Those who take control of their minds in this way are the ones who excel. Contrast that with the masses who tend to emit their fears and focus upon the negative. Is it any wonder that is what they create in their lives? Those who see everything going wrong or always asking "why me" tend to get more bad stuff. What we focus upon materializes. If you question that, look at your own life. What are you focusing upon regularly? Do you operate from strength or fear? Which is more common in your life? Once you determine that, you will see that your outcomes, for the most part, mirror that. Those who see failure as not only an option, but as likely, tend to follow that thought pattern. It is amazing how thoughts can become things.
At this point, I will interject my usual caveat to what I just said. Obviously, we need to balance our thoughts with a bit of common sense. There are situations which are totally hopeless. In fact, there are many arrangements that are not only hopeless, but also dangerous. I am not telling someone to stick his/her head in the sand and ignore major warning signs that could potentially be harmful. There are a lot of ill-intentioned people, especially under the umbrella of BDSM. The abusers are big in number and meant to be avoided at all costs. If you find yourself involved with someone who is exhibiting signs of being dangerous, it is best to leave. Do not try to apply a positive mindset in a situation like this. Get your ass out. Also, there are just some deals that are cooked for whatever reason. Relationships are a tough thing and people change over time. Even if the intentions were there to start, perhaps the growth paths deviated and you are no longer compatible. Whatever the reason, there are times when it is best to move on. Of course, this does not necessarily denote "failure". If you gave a solid effort and it was not reciprocated, pulling yourself out of that circumstance is often the best option.
If you talk to people who were married for decades, you will find their time together was not without difficulty. It is fantasy, I feel, for people to deal with each other over such a long period of time and not to encounter obstacles. Regardless of the power exchange make up, there are things that arise on a regular basis which will try even the strongest of relationships. What I noticed about those who are together long term is their commitment to get through the rough patches. It is almost as if their mindset is simply there is no other choice but to move past this however we can. Their resolve is firm. This is a far cry from the "tire kicker" who is just trying a relationship out. I wonder the success rate of those in the traditional model of relationships if they were not fully committed to their sexuality. Obviously the idea of being married to a woman might be in constant jeopardy if one did not believe himself heterosexual (in fact we have seen this with some who knew they were homosexual yet were in long term marriages because they were not comfortable with their feelings and desires...amazing how catastrophic societal conditioning can be).
I would suggest you look at your own views towards BDSM and your relationship(s) if in one. Do you think there is an exit for you? Are you willing to "try it" knowing you can always change your mind later? Do you carry the idea of permanence towards BDSM in your life or even the relationship you are in? Again, there is a chance that things do not work out but having the mindset that this is going to last is paramount. The idea of commitment is lost in this era throughout society. We change jobs, houses, cars and even spouses at the drop of a hat. Loyalty is a lost quality with people leaving without notice. Employees have no loyalty to a company who, in turn, have the same outlook. People enter marriages only to leave within the first two years. In short, it seems people enter situations with the mindset of leaving. Perhaps this will explain why so many interactions, both business and personal, fail. People simply lack the resolve to hang in there until success is achieved.
Perhaps it is time to cut off any other possibility than what you desire. Do you not think you owe that to yourself?
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14 hours ago