October 16, 2009

BDSM Is Not Violence


Contrary to the ideas presented online, BDSM is not about violence. Many draw that conclusion because those are the images that are presented online. We see photos of people tied up in all kinds of positions and beaten with objects until tears stream down the face. This is shown hundreds of times a day on sites all over the world.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), this is not accurate. Most people who are involved in BDSM are not violent people. In fact, those who are experienced know that it is crucial to go slowly with someone who is new. There are many people who do not like physical pain nor are they able to handle it. Some have past abuses which will elicit flashbacks if pushed too far. I wrote about this topic in my best selling book, An Owned Life. Someone who is in a dominant position needs to understand the power that he or she is being entrusted with.

To be truthful, most scenes do not resemble the ones portrayed online. The equipment that the "professionals" have is much greater than the average person. Few people have the ability or the financial wherewithal to dedicate an entire room and fill it with expensive BDSM equipment. Also, with people usually entering the home, it is hard to explain to your in-laws what the Sabian is used for. This is a conversation I am sure most would want to avoid.

The majority of BDSM is done in limited scope. BDSM is a wide avenue which allows for great flexibility. Therefore, people delve into it to the degree that they are comfortable. We live in a lifestyle that fosters control, not abuse. Forcing someone, especially when they are new, is abusive. Everyone should be offered the opportunity to progress at the rate they are comfortable with.

Violent images only hinder the true nature of this way of life. In my years in this way of life, I would say that most people tended to practice "light BDSM". This is where there was occasional spanking, rope tying, and perhaps a flogging. These are actions that are included in the BDSM realm yet are not too painful. The impact of them is light when compared to those who prefer to go to extremes. Everyone is different and being happy is what is most important.

Anyone is who approaching this lifestyle for the first time needs to broach this subject with anyone you are considering getting involved with. The same holds true for people with experience but dealing with someone new. There are jerks in every walk of life and this one is no different. However, I am here to tell you that abuse is not what we are about. If you find the images online scare you, then be sure to mention that you are not into extreme BDSM. This is a wish that should be honored. Of course, if you are one who really is turned on by the deep red markings shown online, please email me with a recent photograph.

BDSM is something that can offer so much to so many. However, clearing up some of the misconceptions is one of the most important things we need to do. The extreme side of the lifestyle is practiced by a select few. More often than not, we live a life that is much more restrained then what the pornographic industry depicts. In this instance, perception does not reflect reality.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

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