October 10, 2009

Getting On With Life

The Internet is a wonderful tool. It is the medium that I feel is most responsible for getting the BDSM lifestyle out from under a rug and into full view. Of course, this mechanism created a whole new set of problems.

We have spent considerable time relating how misleading the information online can be. The lifestyle is shown to be nothing more than sexual in nature. Naturally, we know this is not the case. There is a great deal more to a BDSM relationship than sex. In fact, while an important part, it is probably the smallest facet of one's life. As much as we would like to be 24/7 sex maniacs, we find that being in a BDSM relationship does not give us a pass on life. We attend to the same responsibilities as everyone else.

Another side effect of the Internet is the "addiction" that many have to it. We all know the feeling of belonging when we first join a chat room with people who seem to understand us. This is a comforting effect. However, there are some who misinterpret this for real life. Sadly, my experience is that it is not real. The Internet is called "virtual" for a reason. It might reflect reality in some ways but it cannot replace it.

My opinion is that people need to understand the balance that is required and choose to get on with life at some point. An online BDSM relationship has some wonderful attributes in the beginning. However, there comes a point where things either need to move forward or dissolve. Hanging onto something in this arena without searching for more is engaging in fantasy. I believe you have a better chance of seeing Dumbo fly than experiencing real time. If it smells like a con it usually is.

Spending too much time online is a way that some will choose to avoid life. An online relationship is often the filler for an area where one usually had difficulty. The safety of it allows one to claim to be involved while protecting him or herself from the same pain that occurred in the past. My rebuttal to that is that one also disconnects from all the positives that a true relationship offers.

A healthy self-esteem is crucial. If one is unwilling to meet or move towards real time in some fashion, then have enough self respect to move on. There is no reason for you to labor in the online abyss forever. Moving towards real time means real human interaction. Phone calls and an in person visit prove that one is real. Instant & text messages and emails just show that you are able to set up a profile. Do not be sucked into the endless games that are online.

Getting on with life means leaving the front of the computer and getting into real interaction with people. Go outside and enjoy nature. Do something with your children. Get involved with a hobby or athletic contest. Go to the beach. Do something other than languish in the online arena. You will find that you are better able to handle the online garbage with a clearer head.

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