November 27, 2010

The Freedom of BDSM


I asked everyone on my social site what attracted them to this way of life. Since the question was recently posed, I do not have great detail of the answers. However, I can express to you exactly what it was that drew me to it. In a word, it is FREEDOM. BDSM, in my opinion, is one of the few lifestyles that is built upon freedom. Those who seek this out as a high value cannot help but be attracted to this way of life.

Enslaving the Minions

Society is a terrific jailer and the masses are its captives. People simply do not have the ability to create their own beliefs. Instead, we are told what to believe and how to live our lives. This is something that occurs in every generation and all the cultures throughout the world. The fact that many countries promote themselves as 'free' is misleading, In fact, it is an outright lie. Society expects and demands obedience. And, we as the good minions offer it at every turn.

Marriage is the primary vehicle that we are told will lead to our happiness. The traditional model is the only one offered and, until very recently, the only one accepted. If you were homo or bisexual, sorry, you are out of luck. The truth is that this path leads to heartbreak in over 50% of the cases based upon the present divorce rate. What does this tell us? That the traditional model did not fit in these instances.

Does that mean that marriage is a failure? Not at all. What it means is that not everyone is designed to follow the traditional path. We would be better off if we questioned what was being promoted to us. Asking things such as 'is this best for me' would go a long way to avoiding difficulty.

A Break In Mindset

Society enslaves people in their minds. Therefore, if we are ever going to be free, we must hold a mental jailbreak. The tenets of a particular culture might or might not hold true. Part of the process of snapping the chains that bind is questioning whether what you were spoon fed is appropriate. In some instances it will be. Then, if you are satisfied that you will benefit, then follow the dogma. However, if you determine that the belief system you were given makes no sense, then shed it for another. Believe it or not, you are free to do this.

Entering the BDSM life shows that one took this step. Simply by being present in this lifestyle means that an individual broke the traditional mindset and sought out another. That is why I believe that BDSM represents freedom. People who are involved in this way of life did not arrive here through blind obedience to dogma. Instead, each of us had to question what was occurring in our lives. We found that the traditional path was not working so we opted for another route. This mindset makes a radical difference. Blind adherence is what allows people to be enslaved. Questioning is the key to freedom.

I realize at this moment this might seem like a minor point. However, I will show you in the next few weeks how this ties into a much larger picture. The idea of freedom is one that people overlook too often. Fortunately for me, I decided to investigate it in depth. My results will be forwarded for your benefit. For now just understand that the conscious choice to live in a manner than the one prescribed by the mainstream is a step towards freedom. You are exercising your choice to live life as you see fit. This separates you from 98% of the people out there.

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November 24, 2010

A New Direction


Over the next few weeks, I am going to start taking this blog in a new direction. The BDSM philosophy is core to my existence. However, I feel that I am doing my readers a disservice if I do not touch upon many different aspects of life. To me, BDSM is about one thing: FREEDOM. People who enter into this way of life do so by telling society, 'I am going to live how I want regardless of what you think about it'. My opinion is that most of the western culture is nothing more than unknowing slaves. People toil all day long to get ahead only to end up empty (dead is another word). I want my readers to experience so much more.

Over the next few months, I will be implementing some changes in my life as a result of a new found outlook. Again, this is not wavering from the original BDSM notion. In fact, it is truly an expansion of this fundamental concept. Slavery is something that is all around us and I, for one, opt for the consensual as opposed to systematic slavery. Many of my posts will document this process.

My intention is to expand everyone's thinking by reiterating to you how I am altering things in my life. As a practicing member of what I write about, I hope this experience will benefit all of you.

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November 23, 2010

Self Discipline II


Here is the previous article in this series. I suggest you read this one first before proceeding.

In the last post, I mentioned that self discipline is the ability to get yourself to take action. No matter what type of relationship we refer to, they all are based upon action. The reasoning is simple: action is what transfers something from the invisible (our minds) to the visible. People can see the results of our actions.

A Learned Science

Self discipline is something that can be learned. The truth is anyone can have self discipline if he or she would only apply oneself. Of course, if one looks at society, he or she will realize why most people are discounted from this discussion. It is a fact that the greatest percentage, by an overwhelming margin lack self discipline. Instead of putting forth the effort to amass this talent, people make up excuses as to why they fail.

An analogy that works well for this topic is the idea of building a muscle. When one starts to work out with weights, the idea is to go slowly while working one's way up. So, on the first day one might do 5 reps at a particular weight. Depending upon how well that worked, one would decide to go for 6 reps the next time or, perhaps, cut back to 4. Regardless, one needs to get to a comfortable starting point from which to build from.

Self discipline is the same way. One needs to find the place from which to build from. Fortunately, most are beginning at ground zero. From that point, progress can be made. The idea is to start small and complete the task. Each day, one can add more and more to the list. Over time, it should be easier to do things.

For example, maybe you decided that losing some weight is on your agenda. What would be the first step? Perhaps you opt to walk each day for 30 minutes. I suggest you write this down on your list of things to do tomorrow (or today if it is early enough in the day). So, now you have a list of one thing to do. Before we retire for the night, I want you to add one more thing to your commitment: put down the time you are going to complete this task. This will add the emphasis of a time commitment also.

Now, guess what you do tomorrow at the assigned time? You complete your walk. This is what self discipline is all about. You complete the tasks that you set out to complete.

Why Do Most Lack Self Discipline?

It is a simple fact that we buy all the excuses that we offer to ourselves. Self discipline is so difficult because we reason with ourselves in a way that is magical. I wish I was as successful at convincing others of the things that go through my mind as I am with myself. I buy 100% of the ideas that flow through there. Thus, to overcome my lack of discipline means I have to ignore the lies I tell myself.

Getting back to the example of exercise. I have many excuses for not getting out there that I used in the past. See if you can identify with these: it is hot/cold out there. I didnt get enough sleep last night. I will start on Monday. My back/shoulder/leg hurts. I am too sore. I dont have enough time.

Do any of them look familiar? If you ever tried to get active with an exercise program and failed, you probably thought at least a few of these. Of course, if you had told them to someone else, you might have received a 'bullshit'. But when we tell these to ourselves, we think 'absolutely'. You can now see how we buy into all the excuses we make.

Self Discipline in Relationships

As I mentioned, all relationships are judged based upon the actions we take. A BDSM relationship is no different. Whether one is a sub/slave or Master/Dom/Mistress, the fact remains that each person has responsibility within the relationship. The other person is expecting certain things from us. Failure to receive those things will ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Again, just because we are in a power exchange relationship, that does not mean we are exempt from the basic tenets of life.

In the other post I mentioned how a Dom/Master really does not want to 'babysit' a sub/slave. While some will take the approach that some things are forgivable, the basic truth is we all want things done when they are suppose to be done. Failure on the part of a sub/slave will test the fundamental makeup of the power exchange. This gets even more obvious when one moves into TPE commonly found in M/s. It is worthy to remember that the main barometer that a slave is judged upon is obedience. Lacking the self discipline to get things done will lead him/her to be deemed disobedient.

Fortunately, there is hope. The above mentioned insight will assist you in taking action. Trust is a fundamental need for any relationship. However, we always need to remind ourselves this is built by doing what we say we are going to do. Once again, we see a basic relationship trait tied to discipline. Both individuals need to be aware of this idea if they expect things to progress long-term.

One final point. Human seems to be fundamentally lazy. This is part of our condition and one that we need to work to overcome. Concentrating on self discipline is something that can help us with this.


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November 22, 2010

Slavery: Acceptable Life Choice


We one again come back to the concept of social conditioning and mindset. It is ironic how we always seem to return to this fundamental point. The control society exerts upon us is incredible. Few realize how little their lives are truly theirs.

The Mainstream

Each culture has what is termed 'mainstream' beliefs. Everything is designed to put people into a particular box. Anything that deviates from that concept is considered taboo. In short, we are trained to obey what society tells us.

Of course, as we know, the mainstream beliefs can change over time. Look at the civil rights movement as an example. There was a time where being openly prejudiced against blacks was not only accepted, but expected. Now, that viewpoint is deeply frowned upon by most; at least how it pertains to the blacks. Of course, there are other ethnic or religious groups where it is permissible.

Since beliefs can change over time, it shows that they are not written in concrete. Also, we need to realize that ideas which work for the masses might not be effective for everyone. This is where the 'box' concept falls short. Some simply do not fit into the box.

Slavery

Here is an example of how powerful the conditioning by society is. Let me ask you to consider your concepts regarding 'slavery'. What images come to mind? What do you picture and what are your feelings about that? The answers to these questions will likely reveal how impacted you are by the thoughts of others.

When most people think of slavery, they picture the suffering of the blacks in the Southern part of the U.S in the 1700s and 1800s (at least in America). This is the overriding image since it is what was promoted to us all those years. Of course, the moral aspect was also imparted upon us in that we all believe 'slavery is wrong'. But is it? Are there some conditions where slavery is acceptable? Society will tell us 'no'. I, of course, offer a different viewpoint.

Freedom

A slave lacks the freedom of choice. The Jews throughout history who lived as slaves lacked the choice. So did the blacks imported from Africa to live a life of servitude. And, we see the same situation with young women who are kidnapped and sold into the sex slave trade. These people lack the freedom of choice. Instead, they are forced to live a life of that another chose.

That brings me to the next part of this discussion: arent most people living as slaves? Again, I make the case they are. People who read this blog regularly have seen me show how few people really choose what occurs in their life. Their beliefs are handed to them by those who they grew up around. The offspring of Red Sox fans end up rooting for the Red Sox and despising the Yankees and their fans. There is no practical decision other than conditioning. The same is true for religious, political, and economic beliefs. We absorb what the others around us promote.

Therefore, the only ones who are free are those individuals who exercise the freedom of choice. I will state that this is the true minority and always will be. I write this post, not for the masses since they are too closed-minded to understand. However, there is a small percentage who can grasp the bondage that society places upon them. These are the people who have the chance to break free and choose what they want.

The Choice of a Slave

So, society promotes the mantra that slavery is bad yet it endorses the very notion through its methods of control. However, if the only one who is truly free is the individual who consciously chooses how to live, then can it be stated that freely choosing slavery is a bad thing? I do not believe so. Anyone who opts to live his or her life in a particular manner if much better off than the masses.

Shakespeare once wrote "to thy own self be true". Choosing to live life as a slave is a truthful choice for many. In short, there is a sector of the population where opting to live as an owned one is a perfectly acceptable selection. This is where a person of this nature finds happiness and excels.

Thus, we need to shed the old mindset that slavery is wrong. Slavery is not wrong. Certainly, a case can be made that non-consensual slavery is morally reprehensible. However, when one consensually enters into a situation knowing full well what to expect, how can anyone question that decision? Add to the fact that the ones who are attacking the decision are usually unaware of their own state of slavery and you realize how asinine it all is. One who freely chooses how he or she lives is 1000 times better off than those who are blinded by society's conditioning.

So, if you want to own a slave, tell yourself that it is a perfectly acceptable choice. At the same time, if you want to life in this manner, implant the same thought in your mind. While we are not the majority, we are the free. Society is not correct about everything. In fact, if you look at the lives of the masses, it is incorrect about most things. Unhappiness is the overriding consensus out there. BDSM and M/s, in particular, offers a different path. However, to get there we need to change our thinking. And that starts with your outlook on slavery.

I hope you now see things a bit differently than you did before.

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November 20, 2010

Sub versus Slave


This is one of the eternal debated within the lifestyle that has raged since one first put a collar on another. Today, I am going to spell out some ideas that should clarify this tussle once and for all.

Submission

We often talk about submission and the viewpoint of a 'submissive'. These are terms that tend to be all encompassing capturing a wide range of people in the mix. While this is acceptable for most discussions, I am going to delve a bit deeper to clarify this for everyone.

A 'sub' is simply a person who is submissive. This type of person enters into a relationship commonly referred to as D/s. Here, one gets involved with a Dom/Domme for the purpose of interacting in a relationship. These two people establish the guidelines for the relationship and take it as deeply as they decide.

The key aspect with this relationship is that the 'sub' has the choice a say as to what the parameters are. Typically, there are aspects of this relationship which are 'off limits'. The Dom/Domme has control only over the areas that are agreed upon. Because of this dynamic, 'no' is always a viable option for the bottom.

Another fundamental component is that the sub is a person of a submissive nature. Since the entire relationship is built upon the domination/submission dynamic, one person needs to fill this void. A sub is a person who commonly submits naturally. Of course, as mentioned, there are certain areas where the dominant one cannot exercise his/her control.

Slavery

Slaves tend to be submissive in nature also but not always. The reason why I state this is because, in consensual slavery, those who aren't submissive typically will not be drawn to this way of life. A person of submissive nature is attracted to the idea of ceding control over to another. However, as you will see, submissiveness is not something that is important.

When one enters into a M/s relationship, he or she is agreeing to submit to that person in all areas of life. In other words, all boundaries that are established are made by the Master/Mistress. Negotiation, debate, and compromise is not part of this equation. The exchange of power is obvious while being complete. Anything that is agreed upon is only done with the consent of the dominant one. This is a remarkable difference from the parameters established in D/s.

'No' is never an option for a slave. To deny a demand is simply to rock the very foundation of the M/s agreement. When one 'submits', he or she is agreeing to give up all of oneself. This is where the concept of 'property' enters into the picture. An person is owned once he or she grants the power over to another.

So, if submissiveness isn't the most crucial factor of M/s, then what is? The simple answer is obedience. M/s is established upon the premise of unconditional obedience. One need not worry about submitting but, rather, obeying.

Repeated Submission

A sub engages in what I call 'repeated submission'. What this means is that on a daily basis, many times, a sub will have to decide whether to acquiesce to the order placed upon him or her. Each interval is confronted with the question should I or shouldn't I? This is not so for a slave. A slave does not submit repeatedly. This process occurs once. After that, submission isn't sought but, rather, obedience.

Many will consider this a fine line. However, I feel that it spells how far apart the two life paths are. Subs do what comes natural by submitting to another in those areas which he/she is comfortable. If, at any time, one feels that a Dom/Domme crossed the line into an area that is off-limits or unnatural, he or she is within reason to say 'no'. Again, a slave doesn't have this luxury. He or she selected a path (slavery) that is dedicated to obedience. The fact that is it consensual does not alter the makeup of the relationship. Slavery has not changed in 2,000 years. Throughout history, one was simply expected to obey.

Sex Slaves

What about those who profess to be 'sex slaves'? Aren't they dictating what aspects their submission applies to? I would answer this by saying they are...and that is why they are not slaves. Slavery, by its definition is complete. Those who are 'consensual sex slave' are either ones choosing to submit in the sexual arena only or role playing with their partner. Most use the term 'slave' because they receive an erotic uplifting by thinking in these terms. Nevertheless, these people are not sex slaves.

The true sex slave is one who is not engage in the practice consensually (for the most part). We see these individuals in reports on television. Sex slaves are people who are taken from their home(land) and sold into the sex slave trade against their will. Their 'service' isn't only obligated to sexual matters. Instead, their entire lives are controlled by their captors. This is a remarkable difference from what our 'sex slaves' on the BDSM sites are referring to. Again, that is something completely different.

In closing, I want you to consider the traditional model of slavery. Today, we differ in the fact that consent is required. However, once we attain that, the same rules apply bearing in mind that we still live in a society with other laws that we must follow (that caveat is aimed at all those who want to debate this point by stating 'you cant kill her even if she is your slave'...yeah no shit Sherlock-that is called murder in most countries). A slave's effectiveness is judged based upon obedience. His/her outlook is irrelevant as long as the task assigned is completed to satisfaction. The consent to living as a slave is all that is required. After that, no consent is necessary.

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November 19, 2010

Self Discipline


Over the next few posts, I am going to be writing about this all important subject. Too often, we overlook the common qualities which lead to success. In my estimation, this is one of them.

Many of the self-help experts tout the benefits of discipline. Here is one of those subjects that I think we need to examine for the fact that it applies equally to the life of BDSM. As I often state, we are not exempt from life simply because we enter into this lifestyle. Many feel that success in the BDSM world is somehow magically different from the traditional. It is not. The same common sense techniques apply since life is still life.

What Is Self Discipline?

Simply put, self-discipline is the ability for one to get him or herself to take action regardless of the emotional state one is presently in. In other words, it is doing what needs to be done in spite of how you feel. This basic topic holds the key to most of success in life.

All relationships are based upon what we do. Many feel that feelings, emotions, and other qualities are what it important. It is not. What is important is what you do. Overlooking this fact while focusing on something else is a decision that leads to conflict.

For example, a man can love his wife but that means nothing if he cheats on her. Here the action overrides the feeling. The same can be said for the person who takes his or her wife for granted. While the feelings of love might exist, so too will resentment.

Actions are the way we express to the outer world what is going on within us. A BDSM relationship is no different than any other because we are dealing with two people afflicted with the human condition. The fact that we are in a power exchange situation does not change the basic makeup of a person. We all have feelings that cloud our thinking at time. Fear, anger, frustration, and resentment are just as much a part of the slave's life as a woman married for 10 years. Again, we are not exempt from life.

Discipline In BDSM

Discipline is a big part of the BDSM culture. This is a lifestyle that tends to be more overt about it being an aspect of our daily life. It is not uncommon for one to be chastised for his/her behavior. Action of this nature is not only accepted but, rather, expected. A dominant one who omits this is not fulfilling his/her responsibility.

However, I will state that my experience is that disciplining a sub/slave is not on the top of a dominant's list of favorite things to do. Over time, emotions grow between two people. Few care to discipline those that he or she truly cares for. We know it is necessary but having to do this on a regular basis becomes burdensome. Most of you are aware that I detest micromanaging a slave. This is something that I cannot stand doing. For that reason, in my household, a slave needs to be able to handle things on her own.

Self-discipline is the key that ties all this together. Since I am not looking over her shoulder consistently, she needs to have the ability to get herself to take action. Certainly, one might take the mindset that her motivation comes from the fact that I will punish her for failure to complete the assigned tasks. In this instance her motivation comes from outside of her. However, that is rarely the case. In my household, there are things that need tending to without me assigning it. Her desire to serve me completely is a motivating factor. Of course, there are times when she simply doesnt feel like doing what is required. This is where being a self-motivator enters the picture. Many tasks, if left unfulfilled, will not even be noticed by me. In other words, she could get away without doing them. However, as one who desires serving in the best way she can, she knows that failure to complete the necessary tasks reflects upon me. Her internal desire to excel in this life is what serves to create the desire to move forward. It is an internal push.

Ultimately, self discipline is a more powerful factor than anything that can come from the outside. Have a Dom/Master push you to complete tasks is a benefit to this lifestyle. However, over time, a submissive one needs to adopt the mindset for herself. Anyone who is continually having to micromanage another gets worn out in my experience. Being the one in charge of a relationship bears a major responsibility. Having to oversee the most minor details will ultimately lead to a breakdown between the two parties. Again, I do not feel that being dominant means one wants to babysit. Self discipline is a sign of emotional development. We all have things in life that we do not want to do but must. Only a child whines about not wanting to do it. An adult goes ahead, takes action, and moves on.

Hopefully now you can begin to see how important self discipline is to our lives within and outside of BDSM.

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November 17, 2010

Embracing Reality


Here is a post I put on the An Owned Life BDSM community site. The response created a terrific discussion so I thought it a good idea to post it here.

We emphasize a great deal about the positive aspects of the lifestyle. Many feel that some take this outlook to extremes which generates unrealistic expectations. I believe that we, who are in the lifestyle, help to promote this idea by not speaking out. Certainly, I feel it is a way of life that I did not find in the traditional realm. Nevertheless, it is not all cake and ice cream either.

It seems the online community has a warped perception, in many instances, of what BDSM and M/s, in particular, is all about. Sadly, they base their 'reality' on a series of science fictions novels. While the philosophy and mindset are accurate, I found the transformation to real time impractical. That being said, there are also an assortment of other things that few consider when dealing with someone in real time.

To start, as most of you heard me share, BDSM is a relationship. When you strip everything away, we are dealing with two people interacting with each other. That is a relationship. It matters little whether they are tying each other up, screwing their brains out, whipping and paddling, or talking about politics. There is an interaction there which continually needs to be considered.

Service is a wonderful thing for those who are designed for that. Yet, in my opinion, this is one of the things that is glorified by the online community. Reality is rarely examined. The truth is serving another continually is difficult. It takes an incredible amount of ego deflation to live in this manner. When the needs of another take precedent, that means you are relegated to a secondary role. Is that what you want?

Many feel that 'bowing down before Master' while waiting for his instructions is appealing. Well, let us explore reality. How do you like to be ignored for days or weeks on end? That is a part of the lifestyle. When you become a slave, that is what you accept; to live as he sees fit. Well, what if he wants to out with his buddies every night while you sit home tending to chores? Welcome to reality. How about if he decides to spend all his non-working hours in his garage with his hobbies while you are on your knees cleaning the toilet? Or, how do you like the fact of hearing him screw another in the bedroom next to you while your pussy turns into a raisin from lack of use? Maybe he will be kind and throw you the occasional opportunity to suck him off.

The point is that everyone needs to embrace reality. What people view online is not real. The images portrayed might be 'real' if you worked at kink.com. But even those people will admit they are acting. That is not their life. Nor are the protocols set down in a fictional novel 35 years ago what this life is about. Both of these can show aspects of the life (or people's lives) but not the full measure.

And one final thought: the "Master" (or slave) you just met and are chatting with is not the end all. Do not go around professing your love for him and tell us how you service to him is forever. Stop acting like an immature little school girl with a good case of puppy love. Anyone who is around this life more than a couple years knows the average BDSM relationship is less than a year. And the online 'romances' last but a few months. This is reality. Do not go around thinking that you are any different. As I wrote in another post, this is simply percentages. If you think you are different, then do not come crying to us when the thing blows up in your face. Trust me when I tell you that you do not know what you are dealing with when we talk about some of the people 'in' this lifestyle. There are some real pieces of work.

I am sorry to burst anyone bubble but dealing with things on a realistic level is what needs to be done. People with their heads up their asses because they believe the bullshit they think they are experiencing are the ones who become statistics. Most little girls romanticize their future husbands, their wedding day, and their marriage. These childhood fantasies are wonderful and healthy. However, talk to the twice divorced woman about marriage and you will see the fantasy no longer exists. She got a healthy dose of reality. Why cant people grasp this same concept with this life?

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November 13, 2010

Equality: Unnatural Propoganda


"All Men Are Created Equal"

Today I am going to write what might well be my most controversial post to date. However, it is a topic that I believe needs discussing because so few are willing to engage upon it. Advocates of BDSM will do better in understanding this since inequality is a concept built into our lifestyle. For this reason, I feel that BDSM is the one of the few natural ways to live.

The above mentioned quote is the most famous line (actually part of one) in the United States Declaration of Independence. It was penned by Thomas Jefferson in rebuttal to the prevailing mentality of the day. Isnt it ironic that this phrase was written by a man who owned slaves? Obviously, all 'men' applied to only those he felt equal.

Slavery

Slavery, as an institution, is present throughout the majority of man's entire existence. From the earliest days of civilization the weak were exploited for the benefit of others. Over the centuries, the criteria changed but the results were the same. Occupants of conquered territories were forced into slavery by their invaders. Others were imported to complete certain projects from far away, but weaker, nations. Whatever the formula, the basic truth is that those in power exercised it effectively.

Since it is a part of our makeup, I conclude that slavery is as natural as man himself. To think otherwise is to deny our humanness. The truth is we do not see nor believe in equality. 20th century economic and political systems tried to create a Utopian state which espoused equality. The net result was greater inequality. Nowhere in the world does equality exist at any level. Inefficiencies among people, groups, and nations will always exist. And, in turn, there will be those powerful enough to exploit it.

"All Men Are Not Equal"

Parity is not something that exists in nature. If we look to this for the universal truth we see that one law exists: survival of the fittest. Nothing else matters in this environment. The mighty redwoods survive generations because of their great strength. Palm trees, on the other hand, endure high winds with breaking due to the fibrous properties that allow it to bend. The lion is the king of the jungle while sheep are slaughtered. Inequality is everywhere.

Humans think that their ability to reason removed the natural elements of the Kingdom that we reside. Man is as much a part of the Animal Kingdom as any other beast and, therefore, subject to all its characteristics. Conscious, altruism, and empathy serve to mask what is truly present within all of us. Nevertheless, our history shows that our true nature is not peace but conflict. Ultimately, we follow the mandate of survival of the fittest also.

Man is the 21st century feels that he is improving in this area. As a percentage of the population, according to Wikipedia, there are fewer people living in slavery then ever before. Many will point to that being progress. However, slavery can exist in many forms. Some point to the 'economic' slavery of today showing how little has changed. Corporations and businesses provide minimal compensation in return for effort. Without a sustained form of living, many believe these people are nothing more than slaves themselves. If one believes this line of reasoning, then it is concluded that most of the third world nations live in a modern form of slavery.

Once again, we prove that man is inherently unequal. And that is attributed to the Kingdom he occupies.

Master/slave

People will fit into either of two categories: Master or slave. We in the BDSM world know this. One is either in the position of dominant or he/she is submissive. While some might switch, the truth is there are only two camps we fall into. Again, this is what is natural for us as human beings.

We see this throughout society. Those who are powerful have the wealth, prestige, and charisma to occupy the leading roles. The rest follow behind with envy. They are celebrities, leaders of corporation, and lead men/women of entertainment. These are the people who model how we think. They are the delivers of the news which we swallow with the same vigor of a starving person. Our belief system is given to us by them, a system we vigorously defend without even questioning why we believe it. The truth is few are Masters while the majority are slaves.

Expecting equality among people is unrealistic. In the BDSM community we see how inane it is to try to make someone naturally submissive into a dominant. Many try without success. Anyone who is following an inner characteristic which is true to their nature cannot alter that. Those of us who are experienced in this way of life know this truth.

Nevertheless, society is intent on distributing this unnatural notion. Few ever realize their true place in life. Ask the average person if he or she is a slave, especially in a Western country, and they will tell you 'no way'. But, delve deeper into his/her life to unearth how 'owned' the person is. We all follow a schedule dictated by other to earn money to pay taxes which we did not agree to. As mentioned, we follow a belief system that we didnt question. Hell, many work in careers chosen by a parent. Everywhere we turn, with our eyes properly adjusted, we see slavery.

BDSM is the only lifestyle that I know which embraces the inequality among people. We understand that an equal split of power never occurs anyway; so why fool with it. The lines of power are set our and explicit. In the end, it works because it is natural.

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November 10, 2010

Societal Teachings


Here is a quick question:

Do you have the freedom to be who you want to be?

Many would like to think they do but do they really? When you look at the influence society has upon each of us and the way that it imposes it's beliefs, one easily realizes that few are able to choose. Instead, we are trained to follow the particular dogma that society promotes.

Beliefs

I wrote a number of posts about questioning your beliefs. Beliefs are nothing more than ideas that people take to be true. The sad part of it is that few ever question what they believe or how it was derived. Society is extremely effective at getting the masses to believe what it wants. Through government and religions, the dogma is spelled out and adhered to.

What few realize is the beliefs change with time. Looking throughout American history, it is easy to see how the outlook by the masses was altered. Take wigs as an example. Today, wigs are acceptable for women but not for men. This is the common belief. However, that was no always the case. Early in our countries history, it was common for the leaders to wear white wigs during assembly. Society believed, at the time, that wigs for these individuals was acceptable.

Of course, we can see how this concept changes among different groupings. Nail polish is another example of an accessory that is identified with women. However, there are men in certain genres who wear it with acceptance. The punk rock movement is one area that comes to mind. Marilyn Manson and others are known to wear nail polish (in addition to makeup) without negative ramification from the fans.

Therefore, the only different is the belief(s) that one has. The accessory is not what is in question. It is the belief associated with it. If one wants to alter his/her life, simply change the beliefs you have.

Alternative Lifestyles

Alternative lifestyles exist simply because someone decided that he or she wanted something different than society promoted. I love to use the gay culture since they have waged battle with the mainstream for 50 years. Through their struggles, they are attaining a degree of acceptance among the general population. Many of the beliefs that were once associated with the gays were removed. Certainly, prejudice still exists. However, it is not based upon the same degree of misinformation.

And that is what the basis of all my writing about the BDSM world is founded upon. I have a desire to clear up a lot of the misinformation about this way of life. We do go against the teachings of society. It takes courage to opt for this path since we risk being outcast by those we love the most. The traditional model is one that adheres to monogamy through the institution of marriage. While many of us create a life that includes this, there is a large percentage of us who do not subscribe to this belief.

Society wants to put us in a box. Being a part of the BDSM community means that you are willing to step outside that box and accept beliefs that go counter to what you were taught. In our way of life it is perfectly acceptable for a male to wear lipstick and makeup. That is what freedom is. You have the right to not wear it while another person can. It is all about individual choice. We do not promote dogma here. Instead, we value the inner search for what will make you happy. Whatever that path is, we encourage you to follow it.

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November 8, 2010

A Real BDSM Community


All of us have seen the games on the BDSM 'dating' sites. Anyone who is around this lifestyle for any amount of time has run across FetLife, Collarme, and Alt. In addition, there are thousands of chatrooms and forums concentrating on different aspects of the lifestyle. In the end, you would think there is a lot to choose from.

They Are All The Same

The sad truth is that all the sites I just mentioned tend to be replicas of each other. Anyone who spent time on there quickly learns how many people are outright fakes. These particular sites attract the trollers in droves. The reason: they contour to the masses. Certainly, as a business model, the market is much bigger if one focuses on the pervs and the wannabes. The ones who truly are interested in this lifestyle are a minority in comparison.

For this reason, I set out to create something that is remarkably different. Over the past year, I have been developing a BDSM social site that is appealing to the ones who are truly 'lifestylers'. This is not a place for the trollers. We are taking painful measures to offer features that appeal to those who want a real community.

New And Experienced

It is not easy to create a site where both the newer people and experienced ones can both feel comfortable. That was the goal we set out to achieve. Keeping with the overriding belief about this lifestyle, our first objective was to create a place where people felt safe. We have done this. By limiting people's ability to target massive quantities of people, we have turned many of the trollers away.

Being a BDSM community, we stress the social aspect of things. Of course, to achieve this, we require interaction. For this purpose, we have offered a variety of features designed to provide people with a creative way of expressing themselves. There are forums, blogs, video and photo albums, a chatroom, groups, and a 'twitter-like' wire. Each person gets his/her own profile page which is also compatible with any MySpace widget.

We have dominant and submissive individuals with decades of experience living this lifestyle. They post their knowledge and experience for all to read. At the same time there are newer individuals who are seeking to know what this life is all about. Thus, we have blended the new with the experienced. The interaction that is occurring is only beginning.

Come and join us at our BDSM community. This is a place for real people who are looking to share real experiences.

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November 7, 2010

What Is BDSM?


This post is going to hopefully clear up many of the major misconceptions that exist out there about the BDSM lifestyle. To start, I want to state that the ideas I am going to mention pertain to the relationship aspect. Those who are interested in implementing BDSM play into their bedroom activities, while still BDSM, will not relate to this. Only those involved or seeking a connection with another will identify with the principles.

The BDSM Relationship

I often ask people what is the most important part of the term 'BDSM relationship". It is interesting, although not surprising, to hear people state BDSM. Sadly, this is completely false. The most important idea to remember is that a BDSM relationship is still a relationship.

Many seem to think they entered the twilight zone when they involve themselves in BDSM. That leads to a host of irrational behaviors which often result in harm. The truth is that one needs to approach this life with the same skills utilized in all other interactions. Ultimately, BDSM is about the relationship with another person.

When one analyzes a BDSM relationship, you come to understand how it is the same, and how it differs. To simplify things, the main difference between the BDSM relationship and a traditional one is the breakdown of power. Many are involved in what is termed 'total power exchange'. What this means is that the power split is unequal. One person has 100% of the power while the other has 0%. Contrast this with most relationships which are 50/50 or, perhaps, skewed one way or another because of personalities. Other than that, most of the same skills for success are required.

Many ask how does one separate the BDSM life from the 'outside' life? There is no need to 'separate' the two. Life is life. One does not leave one to enter into another. Again, this isnt the twilight zone. There is no mystery. Your life is exactly what it is. Certainly, we behave differently depending upon the surroundings. But, isnt that true in the traditional world? We act one way in front of our boss while behaving differently with our buddies on a Friday night while drinking beers. Along the same lines, one involved in a BDSM relationship will behave accordingly in both private and public. However, the momentary external circumstances do not change the relationship.

What Is One?

People are either dominant or submissive (or switches). That is what they are. However, one needs to look at what makes this so. Is a person dominant, for example, because he or she acts in a particular manner? Or is someone submissive because they do those things that are associated with a submissive person? I will answer this with a question: is a person female because she dresses, acts, and exhibits the ways of a female?

The answer to all of these is 'no'. Domination or submissiveness is what one is. It is something that comes from inside the person. It matters little how one is behaving in the particular moment. Dress up a female in male clothing and she is still a female. That does not change about her. The same is true within our lifestyle. Just because a sub is 'acting' dominant, in a job let's say, that doesn't change who she is. Her submissiveness is remains.

What does all this mean? In my experience, I concluded that people who enter this life focus upon the action and behavior. People want to know about what one does as a dominant (or submissive). This is the wrong approach. Again, the actions do not determine what one is. It is what is inside that makes this decision. Thus, instead of focusing upon the action, one needs to look within for the answers. To me, the most important aspect of this is the mindset one has. Out of this the actions will follow. However, it all starts with the inner search of what is there and conditioning the mind to follow suit.

What Is BDSM?

So, what is BDSM? Let me start by stating what it is not. Contrary to the images presented online, BDSM is not all about sex. You will not find yourself tossed into an episode of Public Disgrace on a daily basis. Nor it is about 'round-the-clock' beatings. It is doubtful your new Dom/Master has a dungeon set up where you will live. While sex and whippings are a part of the life we lead, it is not the primary focus.

Another thing that this is not is a fairy tale. Many like to romanticize it while placing it on a level of a kinky Cinderella. There are no glass slippers in this one. Many seem to think that a series of science fiction novels written in the 70s depict what this life is like. Few live something even remotely identifiable with these works. Again, this is mental imagery presented in the online community that does not transcend to real time.

BDSM is an inner search that is turned outward to fulfill a desire the dwells deep within a person. One might call it a connection to spirit. Whatever the terminology, the basic idea is living true to oneself. Getting involved in a BDSM relationship entails one living according to certain principles while interacting with another person. Each person fulfills a void for the other person. This connection is what present the opportunity for both people to grow. It is through this interaction that we learn more about ourselves.

Trust is a quality that many people have difficulty with. The BDSM relationship necessitates trust at the deepest of levels. Many of the activities we engage in are wrought with danger. A submissive, especially, needs to trust in the person that he or she is giving control to. Vulnerability is present even at the physical level; something that most in the traditional world do not face. It is almost unheard of that a person was accidentally killed in a normal relationship. However, scenes go wrong in the BDSM world can often lead to death. A greater level of trust is required knowing this danger exists.

When one submits, he or she gives all of him/herself over to another. At the same time, the dominant is accepting complete control and, thus, responsibility for the direction of that person's life. Neither should undergo this process lightly. This goes far beyond just wanting to be taken sexually. When two people merge in this way, they each are presenting all they have to the other person. This is a process that takes a great deal of time. BDSM is going through the intense effort to learn about oneself fully and entering into a relationship that satisfies the inner needs. It is determining where one fits on the power exchange scale to match what is within him or her. Once this conclusion is reached, it filters into all areas of one's life. BDSM is a life path that allows one to be what he or she truly is.

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