October 28, 2009


This is a word that we are conditioned to say from a very young age. Some estimates claim that we hear "No!" 65,000 times by the age of 5. I am not certain how many times this is impressed upon our young minds. Nevertheless, it is a lot. Societal conditioning starts at a young age.

When looking at the BDSM world, most claim to understand the exchange of power that is part of our lifestyle. They feel that being in a position to submit to another is what they truly desire. Unfortunately, reality strikes them hard when they realize what the lifestyle is all about.

Naturally, we always need to differentiate between a sub versus a slave. As I write quite often, a sub, by his or her definition, has more control. The submission process is not as absolute as in the M/s world. Usually, the power given only pertains to the sexual arena. Even there, one might still retain some degree of control through the use of safe words, etc...

When one chooses to be a slave, the decision is made to cede all power over to the Master (or Mistress). This means that one is agreeing to follow all instructions as set down before him or her. Here is where the tendency to say "No!" comes into effect. It is something that should rarely be done by a slave.

"No, I don't want to" is not a part of a slave's vocabulary. While I acknowledge there are situations where it is unsafe for a slave to obey a Master's directions, most instances do not meet this requirement. Usually when a slave denies her Master's wishes, it is because she does not want to do it. It matters little that a slave feels embarrassed, upset, or awkward. Her duty is to obey. As long as a Master is treating her in a way that is mindful of past abuses, her position is to carry out his instructions.

Many slaves, especially those who post things online, seem to feel that "No!" is an option for them. To me this shows how disconnected they are from the true nature of M/s. Some tend to make this a regular part of their life. Occasionally refusing to do something can be chalked up to nervousness, lack of trust, or failure to grow. However, continually doing this leads me to believe that one might be better suited to seek out a D/s relationship.

Begin the process of trying to eliminate the word "No!" from your vocabulary.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.


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