October 3, 2009

The Common Misconception

The Internet is the medium that took the BDSM lifestyle from the underground and enabled it to be more mainstream. While still considered an alternative lifestyle, today there is a lot more information available than existed before. Years ago, the only way to meet anyone in this way of life was to attend a munch. At that time, they were advertised in the local rags that promoted many off-beat activities. Thankfully, the Internet changed all that.

There was another problem that resulted from the explosion of this medium: misinformation. One of the main reasons why I wrote my book, An Owned Life, was to clear up some of the invalid ideas that exist. I see the fallacies that are presented each time I surf around the web. Today, anyone with a keyboard can become a writer. There are blogs out there which are posted by people who obviously have no idea what this life is all about. Sadly, there are those who believe these ideas that are presented.

Online, the sexual side of BDSM is presented. This is the part of the lifestyle that is focused upon. We have sites that have pictures and movies depicting all kinds of erotic scenes. Many of the blogs are written by people who write about nothing but their sex lives. Everything revolves around the idea that "he tied me up last night and had his way with me for hours". Sounds erotic, doesn't it?

While I will not downplay that sex is a part of this way of life, it is just that, a part. Living the BDSM lifestyle is about living. We all have lives that we lead. There are responsibilities such as children, job, and finances that we must attend to. The perception that this is all about sex is wrong. We are everyday people doing the same things most do.

Another factor that is lost in this is the idea that domination extends outside the bedroom. Sex is just one area where submission occurs. The BDSM experience entails applying natural tendencies to all areas of life.

What I witness is a lot of new people who are disillusioned at what they encounter. It is common to see one hold onto the idea presented online. Then, when entering a BDSM relationship, are surprised to find that it is not sex 24/7. They are baffled that they are not tied up nightly and used. The myth is being crushed without any insight as to why. This is were one needs to make the transition from fantasy to reality.

The bottom line is BDSM is all about relationships. This is something that we all have been dealing with since we were kids. Throughout life we interact with others to the best of our ability. Over the years, we assemble a variety of skills that allow us to succeed in different types of relationships. BDSM is no different. Get rid of the fantasy that you see online and understand that BDSM is a life choice. While we choose to structure our relationships differently, we still have the life part. Therefore, if you think BDSM will solve all your life problems, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Get back in touch with reality.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.


libby on October 3, 2009 at 9:43 AM said...

i nominated You for an 'honest blogger' award, hope You will take part!


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