Who To Submit To?

I write a great deal about the importance of following the submission process in my book An Owned Life. To me, this is a crucial area where many screw up. They put the cart before the proverbial horse. This leads to the failing of the relationship at a later point.

I also put in a number of questions that both Doms and subs need to ask themselves. An additional set of questions I am going to put down here. They relate to the submission process while allowing one to make better decisions.

Online, many will submit to anyone who will take them. I wonder if these people would do the same thing in real life. I can only presume they would. Their self confidence must be so low that they will take anyone who says "yes". This is what causes some of the major heartache that I witness.

I devised a list of questions which will help one to determine who he or she is dealing with. They are for a sub/slave to ask before submitting. The answers provided will offer insight into the capabilities of that person.

1. How long has he or she been involved in this lifestyle?
2. Up to this point, how many real time relationships (in this lifestyle) was this person involved in?
3. Why did he or she choose this way of life?
4. What caused the breakup of the last relationships (if there were any)?
5. Is he or she poly or is there in an interest in pursuing that in the future?
6. What are his/her ideas on punishments?
7. If the interaction is online, what is the procedure used to get this relationship into real time?
8. What is his/her home address, phone number, place of employment, marital status, and number of children? Be willing to get proof of each.
9. Is he/she going to ultimately relocate or will you?
10. Will you be allowed.required to work and if not, will he/she be able to support you?
11. What about children? If you have one (some) where does this person believe they enter into the lifestyle? How does he/she deal with that responsibility?
12. Is he/she experienced in BDSM play and running a scene?
13. Can you call/talk with the person at any hour of the day or are there only specified times he/she is available. If so, is there a valid reason for it?

These are all crucial questions to ask. It is time people stopped acting like idiots and think about what they are doing. If someone resists your inquiries by stating that a sub/slave has no right to ask that, tell him/her to go jump in a lake. This is your life we are talking about here. You have every right to make an informed decision. The proper information will allow you to do this. Follow these ideas to protect yourself.

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