August 19, 2009

Commit and Stay That Way

This is a post that really hits home with me and something that I wanted to pass on to everyone out there. The BDSM lifestyle is something that is amazing. For me, it is the fit I was seeking all my life. Over the years I never seemed to succeed in traditional relationships without knowing why. After finding BDSM, I now understand it. The simple fact is that I am not cut out for a 50/50 relationship. In my book, An Owned Life, I spell out how the difference between BDSM and traditional relationship comes down to the distribution of power. Everything else is similar.

My journey into this way of life took me back and forth between the two worlds. This is something that I guess I needed to do but did cause me a lot of headaches along the way. The lesson I learned is that a square peg will not fit into a round hole no matter how much you try to change the hole: it is still round.

I found the BDSM lifestyle, or more specifically, the M/s relationship. This was done totally by accident in that I got involved with a girl who previously was owned. Here I thought I was getting into just another relationship and she wanted a repeat of an alternative lifestyle. Without going into details, the years we were together taught me a lot about this way of life.

Naturally, if that was the end of the story of how I found this way of life, then I would not be writing this post. The truth is that I spent the next 5 or 6 years bouncing between M/s and traditional. Whenever one relationship would end, I would get into a relationship in the other lifestyle. This went on a number of times with the same results: train wrecks.

What was my problem? I narrowed it down to that fact that I would not allow myself permission to be happy going contrary to what society teaches. The pressure we feel to be "normal" is intense. We do not realize how powerful the teachings of others is upon us. My situation shows how I was thinking that my solution was elsewhere. It was not.

For those who find they enjoy this lifestyle, I feel it is important that one commit to that decision and stay that way. It is too easy to waffle back and forth between the two. People who take to this way of life do so for a reason. In fact, they begin the search because something tells them that there might be more available than what the traditional world is offering. They find their answers yet turn away from them. This is exactly what I did.

My lesson to you is to save yourself some pain and suffering. If you think this is for you then you are probably correct. Those who are repulsed by the idea of domination and submission quickly realize they belong somewhere else. However, if you have investigated how we live and find it liking, then you are in the right place. Just accept it and do not worry about what society thinks. This takes courage but is worth the effort.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.


BlueEyes69 on August 19, 2009 at 1:32 PM said...

Thank you again for another very informative post for someone considering the Dom/sub lifestyle. Please keep it coming!

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