August 10, 2009

Can't Pick and Choose

Of late, I am focusing on the Master/slave aspect of the BDSM lifestyle. I am doing this because this tends to be an area where there is a great deal of misinformation. Since the commitment level is higher in terms of submission, the opportunity exists for many to get hurt. Much of this pain stems from the fact that people are ill-informed about what this way of life is all about.

I mentioned numerous times that what separates M/s from any other lifestyle is the complete and absolute exchange of power. This is the foundation for this way of life which all else is built upon. Simply, the slave cedes all power and control over to the Master/Mistress. Nothing is retained. The transference is complete.

Amazingly, this single idea is confused to all hell. I see too many who want to pick and choose where they will obey. This is not how it works. If this is the lifestyle you desire, then find someone who is willing to accept a sub where there are limits set for the power. However, if you want to call yourself a slave, then be willing to accept the way the life is.

Without a doubt, hard limits will exist. There are a variety of reasons for this. The most common one is the fact that many suffer the psychological effects of past abuse. In my book, An Owned Life, I mentioned how handling the psychology of the lifestyle in a safe manner is crucial. Many have not had the help necessary to overcome these pass abuses. For that reason, a Master (Mistress) needs to be aware and conscious of these limits.

That being said, there are many things which are not hard limits yet some try to claim they are. This is manipulative and a reason for release. Someone who is suited to be a sub should not try and pretend to be a slave. This is a way of life which few can excel at. It takes humility, patience, and effort to learn to live as a 24/7 slave. Everything we are taught as a society goes against the nature of this lifestyle. It is almost as if one needs to unlearn all that he or she was taught before learning more.

Once the submission occurs, the only choice involved is on the part of the Master. A slave is responsible for being obedient and making a Master's life easier. It is not her (or his) place to attempt to dictate the terms of the arrangement. That should be handled before the submission. Once the decision is made to move forward, one needs to live with the consequences of that choice.

There are times when one is told to do something that is repulsive to her. Well, that is the lifestyle. Many fail to consider the fact that there are times when he or she will be overlooked in favor of others. A Master is the one who chooses how time is spent and with whom. The position of a slave is to wait until her Master decides to focus upon her. This could be a few hours or weeks. The choice is his.

It seems that the Internet glorifies and romanticizes this way of life. I presume it is similar to how Hollywood makes marriage appear. The romantic films of old made it seem like all marriages were heavenly. We know that reality is far different. The same is true here. Reality is that the M/s way of life has many facets which are orgasmic. However, there are just as many things which are downright frustrating. A M/s relationship is work. Anyone entering this way of life must be willing to put in the effort.

So, in conclusion, a slave's place is to obey. He or she is not at liberty to discard what the Master says. Real time people know there are consequences for disregarding instructions. The ultimate fate will be release. No Master wants to continually deal with a disobedient slave. Repeated activity to this degree will alert him to the fact that perhaps this person belongs in a D/s relationship. As I mentioned, few can truly handle this way of life. The power of choice is removed at submission.

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