August 16, 2009


Yesterday I wrote about punishments. This is something that is commonly discussed in the BDSM world. It is easy for a Dom/Master to get caught up with all that a sub/slave does wrong. While there might be instances, it is important to realize that all is not bad. No person is a total screw up. Every person does some things right.

I believe an issue that is often overlooked is balance. It is crucial that a Dom/Master maintain balance with a sub/slave. No person can grow with constant belittlement. This is just another form of abuse. People need balance in their feedback. Positive reinforcement is equally as effective as negative.

There are too many who are quick to pull the punishment "bag of tricks" out and unleash it. I have to admit there are times when I am rather one sided with my focus. This causes me to repeatedly nitpick at a slave's activities. Once again, nobody is perfect. At the same time, nobody is entirely ineffective either. We are fall somewhere in the middle.

Balance is something that everyone dominant needs to strive for. We talked repeatedly about the need for emotional balance. Now, we are going to expand that to include balance of focus. Focusing on both the positive as well as the negative activities of a sub/slave will yield a healthier relationship. People respond when they are told they are doing well.

A good rule of thumb is to bookend criticism with positive attributes. This is a leadership technique which applies to more than just BDSM. Whenever you are confronted with having to chastise another for inappropriate behavior, start by mentioning something good that she does. Then mention that activity which you are displeased with while following up with another positive comment. This will alleviate her feeling that you are continually picking on her faults.

The bottom line is that we need the reminder of the importance of balancing our focus. Domination is about power and control. However, with that comes responsibility. One who misuses this power by always focusing on the negative risks being abusive. This is intolerable in our way of life.

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