August 21, 2009

Needy and Desperate

This is something that I see all the time when I travel around the Internet. Here is a sign that should be considered like getting hit with a sledgehammer. If you cannot see this one coming, you are a fool and deserve all you get.

If you meet someone who comes across as needy and desperate, run the other way. This is not a person you need to deal with. It matters little whether this person is a Dom or a sub; Master or slave; online or in person. Needy and desperate reveals an inability to handle any type of relationship.

There is a term to describe these people: psychic vampires. Simply put, they suck the life out of anyone they interact with. Your energy level will be wiped out dealing with his or her issues. In short, your relationship looks more like childcare.

People need to have an acceptable level of self confidence to succeed in the M/s world. Actually, this is true in any type of life situation. Those who fail to have that are the ones who end up creating headaches for others. They are the ones who have to improve their standing by putting others down. Continual upheaval is a constant with individuals of this type.

Another thing, people are where they are for a particular reason. Many of us, especially the dominants, have the White Knight complex. We want to save the other person. Unfortunately, people are in situations because of choices they made. It is fairly simple to make a determination of one's mental makeup by simply looking at the conditions in his or her life. People do not end up in circumstances by mistake. While some truly do fall on hard times, most are there because of poor decisions. This will not change.

A lazy person does not become energetic because of M/s. Nor does someone who is unqualified suddenly get qualified. Those who cannot run their own lives (or that of their children) will not improve instantly because of M/s. In fact, they will end up leaning on the other person for support. This is equally true for subs as well as Doms. No matter what the makeup of the relationship, an energy vampire will suck the life out of the other.

Therefore, anytime you come across someone who is needy and desperate, run the other way. In the long run, that person is not worth the effort. No amount of support and guidance will change the fundamental premise of not feeling like enough. Strength needs to come from within. When someone is totally dependent upon the other for emotional support, the situation gets to be unhealthy. Ultimately, the entire relationship is poisoned.

This is your fair warning.

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Nikki on August 23, 2009 at 10:54 AM said...

Wow! I'm impressed!
I've already knew someone like that and it's absolutely true! As I was reading, I was remembering all the things that happened with her and how our story goes on nowadays (a bad relationship at work), and how I wish now I've runned away when all started.... Luckily now I recognize the signs and stay away from this kind of people...
Keep it this way, you're awesome! Thanks for your posts!


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