August 25, 2009

Being a sub

There are many who seem to confuse being a sub versus being a slave. In my book, An Owned Life, I spend considerable time detailing the differences between the two. For those who read this, the confusion quickly ends.

That being said, there are some in this lifestyle who seem to demean the position of subs. This comes not only from dominant types but also those who choose to go the slave route. For whatever reason, many believe that a sub is not as good as a slave. It is as if they are considered "submissive light". Nothing could be further from the truth.

A sub has nothing to be ashamed of. If he or she is simply following an inner inclination, then that is fulfilling a personal trait. Someone is not "less than" just because he or she is not cut out for 24/7 slavery. There are only a select few who truly can live this lifestyle in that manner. My experience is that most tend to fall under the sub category.

There is nothing wrong with one choosing to be a sub. Many want to retain control over certain areas of their lives. If this is natural for him or her, then it is most likely the right choice for that person. Trying to move further out into submission will not work. We would again encounter the square peg in the round hole situation.

Remember this idea the next time you are tempted to demean someone online who claims to be a sub. There are many different facets of the BDSM lifestyle. To ridicule anyone because they choose to live a different way is intolerable. This way of life is all about freedom. Those who choose to live differently are exercising that freedom and ought to be commended.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.


BlueEyes69 on August 25, 2009 at 8:08 PM said...

Feeling like you wrote this for me. :-) Thank you, Sir. Still moving forward; just taking baby steps.

Sophie on August 27, 2009 at 4:24 PM said...

While your assertions in this blog are correct, that a sub is not simply an incomplete or "lite version" of a slave, you are still using the language of all those who hold the view you are writing against.

You are just "not cut out" for being able to write on this topic, but don't despair because only "a select few" can truly do it.

Am I making a point here?

It's all in the language, how easily we can demean others, express a hidden prejudice, often without realizing.

Don't tell subs that they should not be ashamed for "choosing" what is HARDLY a choice - you are implying they could have chosen otherwise. Could you have chosen not to be dominant? It is more than a personality trait, being a submissive is every bit an expression of the soul as slavehood. It's just a bit different.

I just felt I had to speak, as this is so often how people write essays about sub v. slave - with good intention but failing in true understanding and empathy, which keeps the biases going.

I can be found at the site listed or at This is not an anonymous post and if anybody cares to, I would discuss it further.



A Master’s Viewpoint Of The BDSM World Blak Magik is Designed by productive dreams for smashing magazine Bloggerized by Blogger Template © 2009