An Abusive Dom

This is a question that is often ask: what do I do if I am with someone who is physically abusive? While there can be many layers to this question the answer is always to get away.

Whether we are referring to an M/s or a D/s relationship, there is no room for abuse in our lifestyle. If one is living with an abusive person, my feeling is that leaving is the best idea. I feel this is true in both the traditional world and in all alternative lifestyles. There is never a call for this type of behavior whether it is physical or psychological. If one has a drinking, drug or some psychological problem that causes them to be abusive, remaining in the situation is not helping. There is never an excuse for abuse.

The other thought that comes to mind when I read this question is when one is dealing with a physically abuse person during a scene. Sadly, the wrong time to find this out is when one is already tied to the bed. My only answer is to do your due diligence ahead of time. When you are seeking a Dom, be sure to look for one who is experienced. This will reduce the likelihood of abuse. Also, have someone with you during the scene. While it might be a bit embarrassing having someone else watch you "in all your glory", it is a sure-fire way to fend of abuse. If things get out of hand, that person can step in to protect you.

A final way to protect yourself is through the use of a safe word. Many Doms, especially when they are new, will get a bit out-of-hand unintentionally. A safe word allows you to tell him (her) to cease all activity immediately. This is another line of defense against being inadvertently mistreated.

Unfortunately, we cannot protect against all ills that exist out there. However, using some common sense to protect yourself will go a long way. The best method is to get to know the one you are seeking to interact with. If possible, talk with someone else he (she) was involved with to see how that turned out. References are a terrific way to verify the experience and abilities of a Dom.

As always, we stress safety in this lifestyle. It is the highest priority of everyone.

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