August 2, 2009

An Abusive Dom

This is a question that is often ask: what do I do if I am with someone who is physically abusive? While there can be many layers to this question the answer is always to get away.

Whether we are referring to an M/s or a D/s relationship, there is no room for abuse in our lifestyle. If one is living with an abusive person, my feeling is that leaving is the best idea. I feel this is true in both the traditional world and in all alternative lifestyles. There is never a call for this type of behavior whether it is physical or psychological. If one has a drinking, drug or some psychological problem that causes them to be abusive, remaining in the situation is not helping. There is never an excuse for abuse.

The other thought that comes to mind when I read this question is when one is dealing with a physically abuse person during a scene. Sadly, the wrong time to find this out is when one is already tied to the bed. My only answer is to do your due diligence ahead of time. When you are seeking a Dom, be sure to look for one who is experienced. This will reduce the likelihood of abuse. Also, have someone with you during the scene. While it might be a bit embarrassing having someone else watch you "in all your glory", it is a sure-fire way to fend of abuse. If things get out of hand, that person can step in to protect you.

A final way to protect yourself is through the use of a safe word. Many Doms, especially when they are new, will get a bit out-of-hand unintentionally. A safe word allows you to tell him (her) to cease all activity immediately. This is another line of defense against being inadvertently mistreated.

Unfortunately, we cannot protect against all ills that exist out there. However, using some common sense to protect yourself will go a long way. The best method is to get to know the one you are seeking to interact with. If possible, talk with someone else he (she) was involved with to see how that turned out. References are a terrific way to verify the experience and abilities of a Dom.

As always, we stress safety in this lifestyle. It is the highest priority of everyone.

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BlueEyes69 on August 2, 2009 at 10:50 PM said...

I agree, and I think abuse goes beyond anything acceptable by the sub, anything past the "safety" word or sign. Thanks for sharing.

Christina on August 3, 2009 at 12:06 PM said...

Im one of those people whom you discovered are curious about the very 'taboo' lifestyle however Ive not received erroneous information. I bought The Loving Dominant; Erotic Surrender - The sensual joys of female submission; Love Online - Emotions on the Internet to better prepare me for what I may discover about D/s. However. Pleasure for me is not a flogging of my vagina lips and/or cutting of a figure 8 into my buttocks; that's ABUSE! So perhaps I am too assertive to be a submissive as one of the Dominants who blogs on google said.

Anonymous said...

Whipped pussy lips may seem abusive today, and like foreplay tomorrow. Keep an open mind while you articulate your current limits.


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