August 5, 2009

The Process of Submitting

This is something that you would think that is fairly straight forward. Nevertheless, it is something that I see messed up on a regular basis. The sad fact is that if someone errs during the submission process, then he or she is likely going to sabotage any chance at success in a BDSM relationship.

I cover the three step submission process in detail in my book, An Owned Life. Too often I see submissive people try to find someone to Dom them right off the bat. To me, this is like trying to find a husband before determining your sexuality. If you are mistaken, there will be problems in your marriage. It is the same here.

Submitting to another is an important choice. However, the decision to be true to oneself is the most important thing that any person can do for him or herself. So many live in a way that is dishonest to them. They believe what society tells them is best for them. Rarely do people take the time to question the choices on how they live.

Most of us know this feeling firsthand. The reason why I am in this lifestyle is because I never fit in to the traditional way of life. There was something that did not fit for me. Thus, before anything, I had to determine the way of life that worked best for me. This is where my process started.

Submitting to another is wonderful. It is important to do things in the proper order. To have success in a BDSM relationship, it is necessary to have the right foundation. This will establish a firm footing for your relationship to exist.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.


Roaul on August 6, 2009 at 5:47 AM said...

In my readings I gathered that there are three general types of Masters that subs/slaves desire.

First is MeMaster. They think only about themselves and use and abuse subs/slaves for their own gratification. They see subs/slaves as chattel. Some subs/slaves desire this abuse, humiliation, etc.

Second is the Service Master. (You are one of these). The see the value of their slaves in their service. The train and support their slaves so they can serve him better although he does take pride in his accomplishments in seeing her growth.

Third is the Love Master. DaddyDom/ Babygirl relationships are like this. Also married D/s or M/s are like this. The Master is in love with the sub/slave as a person (not property). Love is the underlying part of the relationship

Pain sluts gravitate to MeMasters who frequently are sadists and looks for masochistic pain sluts.

A Pain Slut would do poorly with a Service Masters. She doesn't want to serve...he or she wants only pain. They serve if they must and usually poorly so they can get punished.

Christina on August 6, 2009 at 6:59 AM said...

Im not a submissive in the D/s sense although I have a curiosity!
I was chastised by a masochistic sub for having an opinion on Abuse seen quite frequent in the BDSM lifestyle. She had a figure 8 carved into her buttocks all in the name of 'Pleasure'. To me this is Abuse or Torture whatever. I, like Raoul have done alot of reading in 8 years!
But of all the blogs written about the BDSM lifestyle I think you, like Pygar [A Kind Dom] have a keen sense in relaying to us Vanilla people the good & bad aspects of your lifestyle!


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