June 22, 2009

Parenting Skills Help

I freely admit that I will never win the parent of the year award. When it comes to being a father, I am adequate at best. When my daughter was born I made a choice which affects our relationship to this day. Over the last 7 years, things got a lot better. However, they will never be mistaken for the typical father-daughter relationship. I freely accept the situation since it is due to choices I made.

Fortunately I get a second chance at honing my parenting skills since dealing with subs/slaves often resembles dealing with children. Slaves have the ability create a mess over the dumbest shit. Sometimes a Dom/Master wants to throw up his hands and say "screw it".

The situation is magnified when you are involved in poly (although it truly becomes multi-slave). Most slaves cannot get along with each other. They are like children in the sandbox fighting over the pail. You should hear the whining when they don't get their way.

Those who read my posts know that I prefer the positive approach to this lifestyle. Slaves should be given responsibility to lighten the load on a Master. However, when they behave like children, an approach that resembles a child ought to be undertaken.

We need to bear in mind that some simply do not belong in the lifestyle. They want to claim they are submissive yet their actions seem to resemble a dominant role. (My post about a slave who decided when she and her Master had sex comes to mind.) They are seeking to fill something within themselves which M/s will not. A lack of esteem is never a reason to get involved in this way of life. Neither is loneliness. At the end of the day, your character flaws will doom the relationship.

Anyway, back to the children (slaves). Sometimes you just need to let them sulk. It reminds me of when my sister would throw a tantrum in the supermarket if she was told no to something. She would lay in the middle of the aisle screaming at the top of her lungs. My mom would just continue shopping knowing sooner or later she would realize she was alone. Then the terror of being abandoned set in. At that point, my sister forgot whatever she was refused. Her main concern became being reunited with my mother and feeling the safety that brings.

Similarly, a slave often needs to pitch a fit. They do that. Let them go. In my book, An Owned Life, I talk about different punishments. When in a situation like this, there are a few possibilities. The first is always release. Some will have to be let go. The other is to ignore them for a while. There is not a slave in the world who can handled being 100% ignored by her Master for 72 or 96 hours. I find that is the most powerful punishment a Master can give.

In poly, there is often a fight for a Master's time. A little shift in focus helps to put it all in perspective for a slave. When one is squabbling about a lack of time with the Master, remove whatever time she was given. If she is complaining about a lack of sex, remove all physical contact. When there is something she doesn't like that she was given, remove all that she has. This will remind her that her place is at the bequest of her Master. TPE is complete.

I understand this sounds harsh and demeaning. In some ways it is. However, I feel an obligation to warn/remind potential Masters of what really exists. Many feel that things will change when things move from online to real time. Certainly they do. However, the same childish behavior witnessed in the chat rooms will exist in person. The anonymity of the Internet allows them to change certain aspects of themselves. Nevertheless, it is impossible to hide one's true personality. Fear is a powerful motivator that controls the lives of most.

Understand that dealing with owned ones is like dealing with children. The quicker one realizes this, the better. There are times when maturity is at the core of the relationship. However, many times you will be reminded of the 5 year old in the sandbox. Do not be discouraged. It is not you. Some just have to behave in that manner. My suggestion is disappear for a while. Let her really know what it is like for you to turn your back. Most times, this will serve as the wake up call that is needed.

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