June 27, 2009

Fearing a Master

Fear is a powerful weapon. A study of history shows that many people and institutions use fear as a form of control. Many believe this is what religion does to ensure the obedience of it's followers. What better way to manipulate behavior then to threaten eternal damnation. At the same time, Stalin and other leaders use the threat of beatings or death to maintain control over entire countries. When the fear is great enough, people will do just about anything they are told.

Fear is something that is within each person. We all experience on a regular basis. There is not a single person walking the planet who doesn't feel this emotion. Those who claim to have no fear are usually the ones who are scared the most. They allow their ego to hide what is really inside of them.

In the BDSM world, many believe that fear is a tactic which should be employed with a sub/slave. This is incorrect in my estimation. Any relationship that is based upon fear will end.

This concept gets increased the further along one proceeds in the BDSM way of life. Those who are involved in M/s know how easy it is to turn one's submission into a fear-based existence. Some think that it is their place to instill fear in the one submitting. This shows a lack of character and control on the part of the Dom/Master. A sub/slave need not be afraid for her to be effective.

I wrote about this subject in my book An Owned Life. Those who use fear as a method of control show their inability to properly maintain a relationship. The problem with fear is that it requires some type of physical presence to be most effective. When the person who is feared leaves, the fear will diminish. This creates the situation where one is always looking for a means of escape. While I will grant this could take a long time, eventually it will happen. We see this in the traditional world where abuse occurs. At some point, the person will find a way out.

In addition, a fear-based relationship is not very healthy. In BDSM, there are certain things for a sub/slave to fear. Punishments for inappropriate action is an example. However, often the anticipation is worse than the activity. Also, a punishment is undertaken not to scare but, rather, to alter future behavior. It is no different then disciplining a child. You want the child to fear the punishment, not the parent.

BDSM is a wonderful way of life for those who take the time to learn what it is all about. The need to fulfill an inner desire is within all of us. Speaking from a Dom/Master perspective, the thrist for control is not met by instilling fear in another. To me, this is being a bully. A much better approach is the power which is derived from her complete and total submission. This is a power that is more enduring then fear. It is derived from her desire to serve as opposed from her fear of being hurt.

Remember this tidbit the next time you are tempting to try to intimidate another. It will often backfire on you.

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Kay Harman on June 27, 2009 at 4:40 PM said...

"Fear can control those who know they're being watched; guilt can control those who know they're not."

I think the question of fear is one of degree and one of accord. A little fear can be a great thing. I also think fear can be an effective tool in the Dom's toolbox when the sub acknowledges the legitimacy of the Dom's rules.

And I think the religion point is dead on.



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