June 1, 2009

Poly versus multiple Slaves

Poly or multi-slave owner? This is something that I rarely seen mentioned yet has serious consequences in any relationship. Those who fail to look at the larger picture tend to encounter issues. This is true in life and certainly in the BDSM world.

Many think that because they have multiple subs/slaves, they are poly. According to the general definition, this might be correct. I can agree with this if there is a relationship between all parties. However, often, the more accurate situation is where one is involved with multiple people at the same time.

In my post, Poly is more than a word, I mentioned some of the pitfalls of living in a poly situation. Many believe they can handle the emotions that arise when existing under such conditions. Nevertheless, most find difficulty when they enter real time. This typically leads to conflict which often cannot be resolved. Some people simply cannot get along. This creates a fragmented situation where poly is replaced with multiple relationships. Each person interacts with the Dom/Master individually while maintaining a separation from the other(s).

My experience leads me to state this is commonplace. A true poly interaction where a "family" unit is established is rare. Personalities frequently get in the way of establishing such a structure. Fear and jealousy are powerful emotions. They cause people to behave in ways they normally would not.

Sabotage is quite common in multi-slave situations. People tend to enter the poly world believing there will be assistance and commonality with the others. Sadly, the proverbial catfights break out where each one vies for the Dom/Master's attention. Each has an agenda which will be superimposed into each relationship. In the end, fragmentation is the result.

Therefore, when entering into a situation like this, consider how all parties will get along. Conflict in the beginning might be a warning of things to come. Also, ponder the past experiences of each person involved. Those who were in "poly" relationships often have negative experiences. This might cause the defenses to instantly be erected. With time and patience these can be overcome. However, it will only happen if each person is committed to making it work. Two out of three is not enough.

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