June 2, 2009

Poly: Get Past The Sex

If you want to be the envy of all the guys around the water cooler at the office, just get into a poly relationship and you will be everyone's idol. When it comes to men, there is something biological about wanting to be with two women. It seems this is the fantasy that every guy has since he hit puberty. Those who live (read: have sex) with two women move into the upper sphere of sexual dominance.

The same mindset exists in D/s and M/s relationships. Many new people get involved with the idea of "owning" multiple subs. They salivate at the idea of having multiple women do anything they want them to do. Again, this is every guys dream. However, they fail to look at the situation from the wider perspective.

I often write on here that most BDSM, D/s, and M/s relationships need to get past the sex. Domination in many instances extends past the bedroom. At the same time, one also needs to look past the sex to truly understand what poly is all about. The surface level nirvana is quickly replaced with reality.

So you think dominating multiple women is a heavenly way to live? On one hand it is. However, you must factor in the idea that there are a lot of situations that you will be confronted with. And, all of these are wrought with trouble. Living a poly lifestyle is a constant balancing act. Even when the exchange of power is complete as it is in M/s, One needs to take care that all are happy. It is a constant struggle which rarely can be met. It takes a certain type of person to live this way of life and, sadly, most are not cut out for it.

Here is a little exercise you can do to consider some of what poly is really about. Think of all the problems you had in traditional relationships. Once you have that in your mind, TRIPLE IT!!! That is right. Being involved with two people creates three times as many problems. There are the issues that arise between the male and each of the females and, then, all the incidents between the two women (the reverse is also true for a MMF situation). All told, problems increase exponentially.

Did you ever hear "I am on my period"? Now there are two of them to deal with. Demands on your time are further compounded since there are two people vying for it. Sexually, you must keep two partners happy and be somewhat equal about it (most guy's ego will tell them it is no problem but they are mistaken-just ask any woman about the number of guys who cannot even satisfy one). Sleeping arrangements are always interesting since many do not simply sleep 8 hours through the night. Finally, children are another factor which bears consideration and creates a totally different dynamic. Again, the actions and time split must be equal or resentments will grow.

These are just a few of the things that a poly Dom must consider. Notice how many of these will override the sexual nirvana One has by dominating two women. In fact, the sexual high is short lived. Many will go fleeing back to the traditional lifestyle when dealing with these issues for even a month. The pressure can get great at times especially when other life issues mount. Children, finances, and career all are standards in anyone's life regardless of the lifestyle led. Poly pressures will only add to the mountain of stress that One needs to deal with.

I do not write this as a means of turning people off to poly. It is a wonderful and rewarding way to live for those who understand what they are getting into. However, we all need to move past the romantic notion that this is going to be some 24/7 porn movie. Life still happens.

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