June 16, 2009

The Online Illusion

I wrote a great deal in the past about the differences between real time and online. There was extensive differences mentioned in my book, An Owned Life. Many seem to believe that what they read about and see in pictures online is what this lifestyle is all about. Sadly, they are shocked to realize this is not the case. Reality offers a much different view.

The easiest analogy I can come up with is to compare this lifestyle to marriage. Many have the "Prince Charming" idea of the state of matrimony. From the time of being small, girls are conditioned to think of their wedding day. It is something of fantasy and excitement. I am sure the mind drifts to the wonderful life that two will share after the ceremony. In short, it is a heavenly experience that will last until death.

Okay, my question is how many people experience anything close to this? With more than half the marriages ending in divorce, I would guess that fewer than 10% of the people even get close to this ideal. At the same time, those who have wonderful marriages realize that life still occurs. They face the everyday problems that all others are confronted with. The fairy tale is replaced with a solid understanding of the regular challenges of life.

Unfortunately, few make this same distinction to this lifestyle. Regardless of the alternative lifestyle selected, life still happens. D/s and M/s people face the same challenges. So do swingers, BDSMers, and homosexuals. Regardless of the life you choose to lead, there is no escaping reality.

Online is not reality. This is true no matter what the circumstances are. Many suffer from the illusion that the people in chatrooms, as an example, are real. The truth is they are usernames on a screen. Their persona is a creation which might or might not be accurate. The anonymity of the Internet allows for misrepresentation.

The online illusion is bought into on a daily basis. So many enter chatrooms and sites believing their interaction with another is real. This is not the case unless there is something done to take the relationship to the next level. I feel online is a wonderful way to "meet" people although it is fantasy unless there is some other interaction. People are often surprised when I initially ask if they are willing to meet at some point. If one is not willing to meet in person, what is the point of even chatting. The relationship will never move from online to real time in that instance.

Life in the real world is vastly different than the fantasy played out online. Few have dungeons in their house to be able to offer the complete BDSM scene. Life is not 24 hours a day of play and interaction. Subs/slaves are distraught to find they are not the main focus of a Dom/Master. Sometimes football takes preference whether it is a husband or a Dom. In other words, life happens.

Bear this in mind when you are tempted to believe what you are experiencing online is real. While there is a relationship when interacting in this manner, there is also a large portion of reality missing. The shift from online to real time is bigger than many imagine.

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