June 2, 2009

No Win Situation

The last few posts have dealt with poly/multiple slave situations. I will conclude this focus with one last thought on this particular topic: there are going to be no- win situations. The truth is that there are times when someone is going to be upset no matter what You try. In the end, failure might be unavoidable.

In poly/multiple sub arrangements, there is a matter of perspective to take into account. People naturally see things from through their own eyes. A Dom/Master needs to be mindful of this when interacting with them. An individual's perspective will do more to sabotage an arrangement then any other single issue. It is at the core of all that occurs.

People will compare; this is another natural trait among us humans. We see this in children when they want the same thing as a sibling. Place more attention, love, or toys on one, and the other will throw a fit. Not much is different in this arena. People will judge what they receive as compared to another. It happens every time, so prepare for it.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the same issue from two different people on the same day. How can that be? Simple. They each are looking at things from their slanted perspective. One feels that she is being left out since my focus is on the other person. While there might be some basis, this concept is shattered when the other one brings up the identical issue. It is the constant "you two and me out here" battle. This is where One is in a no-win situation. Each is complaining that the other is receiving attention at her expense. Two opposing perspectives arriving at the same conclusion. It seems that unless both are ignored, someone has to be off with her outlook.

What is at work is the self confidence each has. People's self esteem is reflected at moments likes these. Those who feel their standing is in jeopardy will cling to the hope that more attention will be lavished upon them. Again, this is a natural move for someone in this place. It is quite understandable when someone new is entering the picture. Each party is uncertain of the other and how He will interact with each of them. Even the best of sub/slaves will fall victim to this.

For poly to work, there cannot be a fracturing of the parties. Unfortunately, even a physical bringing together will not alleviate what I just mentioned. Success in this forum requires a mental outlook that it is "us" as opposed to "me-them". Each person needs to think of the total sum. This is where the concept of "family" arises. However, it is extremely difficult when one or more are looking at it with a divisive mind. And, it puts One in a -no-win situation.

Success in this type of arrangement comes down to trust. A sub/slave needs to trust in her position with her Dom/Master. Without this, she will fall prey to these insecure feelings. This will create an adversarial position taken against anyone new. New people do not have the luxury of having trust in the Dom/Master. She needs to be coaxed into understanding that her position is also safe with Him. This will not occur when she is being challenged by another. In the end, failure will result and people will be hurt.

As a Master, there is no more humbling feeling than to be in this no-win situation. My experience is that the best course of action to take is to let them work it out. There is nothing that One can do to solve this problem. All the reassurance in the world will only result in another blowup somewhere down the road. My belief is a change in mindset needs to occur and until one (or both) take the initiative to adopt this outlook, success will be elusive. Sadly, the next step is usually that someone looks for new living arrangements. In the end, some people simply cannot get along. Your life will be easier if you understand this going in.

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