September 28, 2009


In reading online conversations, chats, blogs, etc, I see a great deal written about the need for a sub/slave to trust the one that she chooses to submit to. This is worthwhile exercise and a basis for a successful BDSM relationship. I am a believer that there will be no long term success without this crucial component at the core. However, this is a two way street, a fact often overlooked by most.

Obviously, anyone who is looking at submitting needs to be aware of the qualifications of the person he or she is submitting to. Many will claim to be Masters while only having read a few online blogs. Suddenly, they feel that capitalizing the first letter of their name makes them experienced. This occurs on a daily basis and one needs to be careful.

The reverse is also true. Anyone who is looking to receive the submission of another needs to be sure he can trust her. There are as many fake slaves as there are Masters. Many get online while being attracted to the idea of having someone taking care of them. This is a wonderful experience when the relationship exists in the virtual realm. However, when it moves to real time, problems are encountered. It seems the willingness to please sometimes disappears.

I find many truly are not committed to this lifestyle. To me, being respectful to the way of life some choose to live is imperative. There are many actions which are not only a "slap in the face of the Dom/Master" but also to the lifestyle itself. This is unacceptable to me. When a sub/slave makes that choice, serious consideration needs to be given to whether she is "worthy" of being owned. The truth is that the majority cannot handle the extreme nature of this way of life. We must be sure someone is willing to adhere to the premise that is set down.

The foundation of BDSM is the exchange of power. When one opts for the more extreme facets, i.e. M/s, the power breakdown is absolute. All decisions reside with the Master. This is something that all agree to when submitting yet want to test when things are not going her way. Here is where we see the real time problems exist.

To me, this is a way of life that I take seriously. Those who enter it with the idea of "testing the waters" need to look at what they are doing. This is something that one cannot just dive into without certainty that it is how she wants to live. Those who feel they can just change their mind on a whim do not understand the basic premise of BDSM. They are better off remaining in the traditional world.

Trust is something that takes time to develop. However, it can be destroyed very quickly. Those who break trust by going counter to the foundation of BDSM are risking ending up left out. There are many in this lifestyle who will leave a relationship once that trust is tarnished. Those who feel they can atone for this action often are surprised to learn that they cannot. Sometimes trust is destroyed so badly that it cannot be rebuilt.

Naturally, each situation is different. Nevertheless, one needs to be aware that many do not take this lifestyle lightly. We are just as committed to it as most are to marriage. This is how we choose to live and anyone who treats this as a game is insulting us. Therefore, I suggest watching how you interact with those who are already enjoying this way of life.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.


Anonymous said...

Very well said, thank you Sir for sharing Your experiences here for all to view.


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