September 13, 2009


The mindset necessary to succeed in this way of life is vastly different than what is needed in the traditional world. Many find the transition difficult. It can be accomplished but requires some added effort.

To start, one, whether dominant or submissive, needs to be thinking of another. This should be the primary focus. (If kids are involved that changes the dynamics somewhat). This makes sense of a sub but seems strange for a Dom.

Let me explain. A Dom (or Master) is completely responsible for the path of another. When one submits to him, he assumes the onus of her life. The dominant is responsible for the safety of the one under his control. This applies to a scene in a D/s or her life in M/s. Safety is always our highest concern.

Society teaches us to "look out for Number 1". This is ingrained in us since we are small. After decades of having this outlook, the idea that we can instantly change mindset is inane. There is a process one goes through when first entering this way of life.

This lifestyle is not about compromise. M/s, in particular, is a relationship based upon a total exchange of power. A Dom/Master is solely responsible for what occurs. In traditional relationships the input of another is vitally important. Here, it is up to the dominant to decide. He might ask for ideas, but the decision falls upon him.

At the same time, a sub is not to think of herself. If she trusts the Dom/Master, then she should understand that her needs will be taken care of. Naturally she might not get what she wants all the time, but that is the nature of BDSM. In fact, one could say that is a truth of life.

Mindset is crucial for the success in the lifestyle. Holding onto the old thoughts of equality or "what's in it for me" tends to lead to frustration and heartbreak. This way of life is not for those who are unprepared. A shift in one's total outlook is necessary.

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