September 20, 2009

Be Wary of "Experts"


I write this blog not as an expert; instead I am simply one who is sharing my experiences in this way of life. The same is true for my books. They are nothing more than the experiences I had over the years parlayed into words for you to benefit from. If there is something that you disagree with or is not for you, then pass by it.

That being said, I see so many who want to present themselves as experts. They are usually the people with lives that are complete train wrecks. The online world is full of know-it-all who typically are void in the experience department.

I have yet to meet a perfect slave. By the same token, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Nor are there perfect Masters. I, for example, am far from perfect. My life is in the toilet at times. A slave can drive a person nuts. The same is true for a boyfriend, husband, wife, and children. This lifestyle is no different in that regard than any other part of life.

"Experts" tend to gloss of realism. They present enough information to be credible yet lack the insight into what is truly transpiring. It takes years (even decades) to become an expert at certain things. I have been in this way of life for over 10 years (off and on as explained in my book An Owned Life). Even with that amount of time, there are still things I encounter on a regular basis that are new. In other words, my learning never stops.

Would you consider yourself an expert on plumbing just because you read a book or visited a few websites? You might have a bit of theory that you know but your experience is nil. The plumbing profession is one of those old trades which trains people in a hands-on manner. In this field, someone with a year or two of experience is not considered an expert. Instead, they are called "apprentices". The training process can take 5 years until one is thoroughly knowledgeable about his or her craft.

BDSM is the same way. Just because one submitted 6 months, a year, or two years ago, that does not make him or her an expert. All relationships have a newlywed period in which both parties gloss over the defects of the other. This means that one with 6 months of experience is only starting to encounter reality. His or her experience is limited to only a few weeks.

All I write is for you to process and think if it applies to your life. These are my experiences which are constantly changing on a daily basis. Many of the topics are common to BDSM, and relationships, in general. Others are simple experiences which might apply to only a few. There is a saying which I feel works well: "take what you want and leave the rest". Apply this principle to all that you encounter.

There remains a lot of garbage written about BDSM. I see "slaves" sharing their experience when it sounds like they are Dommes. Many want to show the new people what this is all about while only finding this lifestyle a few months ago. And there are some who blog based upon the writings of others. Each of these people have a right to do what they do. However, be leery of how you listen to. The person proclaiming to be an "expert" usually is not.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

2 comments:

Master Tone's slave, briseis on September 20, 2009 at 10:42 AM said...

Honestly, i must say i do look so forward to your blog each day. It just brightens my day to see you have written another one. Thank you for sharing your experiences here.

~briseis~

216DOM on September 20, 2009 at 3:23 PM said...

I'm very happy I found your blog. I've finally learned that I need to get over my pride and continue to learn. Even people who have been doing this for years needs to learn more.

 

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