September 18, 2009

TPE=Total Commitment

At the core of the BDSM relationship is the exchange of power. This is where BDSM differs from traditional relationship. In BDSM, there is one party who is dominant while the other is submissive. Equality is something that is non-existent. The only differing factor is how much power is exchanged.

In my book, An Owned Life, I explain the differences between a sub, slave, and switch. Each of these categories involved the exchanging of power. Nevertheless, the major factor between a sub and a slave is that the later completely gives up control in all areas. The exchange of power is total. A sub, on the other hand, is one who retains power over certain pre-determined areas. Also, the submission is also usually good for only a finite period of time. Once that event (scene) is over, so is the submission.

For one who wants to go to the degree of slave, one must be prepared to be fully committed to that idea. I see many who claim to be slaves when in fact they are unwilling to "give it all up". Their actions differ from their words.

I came across one blog where the blogger professed to be a slave. In reading her posts, I was amazed how controlling she was. She often wrote about how she was the instigator of things in her relationship. One post mentioned how she "attacked" her Master sexually when he came through the door. This is not something that a slave does. This shows that she retained the power over deciding when sex would occur. Not a slave's place. Again, we need to remember the extreme nature of a total power exchange. None is retained.

Words also have an impact on the mindset of someone proclaiming to be a slave. Often, I will hear words used which show that he or she still believes they have some power. The position of slave is not firmly rooted in his or her mind.

For example, a slave cannot own property. It is a well known fact that property cannot own property. I mean, can you see your car owning a bicycle? It does not fit. The same is true for a slave. He or she commits to a life where the role of property is undertaken. That is what is meant by "being owned". Well, if one is owned, how can that person own anything? He or she cannot. Yet I often hear people refer to "my ________". There is no "my" in a TPE relationship. Everything is the property of Master.

Does this sound like too much for you? For many it is. There is nothing that says one needs to become a slave (or a Master) to enjoy the merits of BDSM. We have many different types of relationships within this arena. However, for those who claim to want to be involved in TPE, it is best to know the decision being made. TPE is a total commitment to that person and to the lifestyle. It should not be taken lightly.

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