September 14, 2009

The Online Attraction

What is the attraction of being involved in BDSM online? Why do so many partake in it without ever moving into anything that looks like reality? How come so many people mistake it for being real when all evidence shows the contrary?

I guess if I could answer all these questions I would be the world's foremost expert on online delusions. Nevertheless, I do have some thoughts about what occurs for people to get so wrapped up in something that seems so inane.

To start, many people have horrible lives. The truth is that most individuals are unhappy with their life. This statement applies to all of society, not only BDSM. The average person lives in unhappy servitude to ideals that he or she did not chose. Many wake up after a couple of decades only to realize their fate is sealed. Responsibilities such as marriage, kids, and bills are too substantial to walk away from.

This is where the Internet enter the picture. This medium is the world's greatest masquerade ball. Anyone can assume any persona that he or she wants. The anonymity allows you to hide behind a facade that you cleverly create. Hence, all you dreams can come true.

I see this happen all the time. Most people online are misleading, at best, and complete fakes, at worst. They play their games in an effort to alter the reality that is their existence. Suddenly the bald, dumpy man is Bard Pitt while the overweight, chain smoking woman is Angelina Jolie. Also, our participants are able to mix in all the experience they can garner by simply reading a few web pages. It matters little if there was ever one day spent in a particular lifestyle. As long as one can talk-the-talk, there are no worries.

The attraction to online, especially in BDSM, is all the ups without the downs. Relationships are hard work. We all know that. People who interact with one another on a daily basis go through times of turmoil. This truth is multiplied when deep emotions are involved.

Online "relationships" allow all to "play" without dealing with the negative consequences. If a situation arises that one does not want to deal with, simply stay offline. That solves the problem. Real life differs in that we are not afforded this luxury. People have to deal with life circumstances which are often uncomfortable and upsetting. Online relieves us of this obligation.

Another aspect to online is that we can always put our best foot forward. Since we are dealing in fantasy, there is no need to reveal our true selves. Therefore, that drinking or drug problem is quickly hidden. The continual fight that one battles with his or her temper is not evident online. Whatever the quirk, it can be covered up in this fantasy world. Sadly, reality allows all our defects to some through.

My conclusion that online is stuff that fairy tales are made of. While I acknowledge the incredible wealth of information that is now available, the truth is the Internet allows misguided people to delve deeper into their anti-social behavior. Online relationships are not true relationships. They lack any human interaction. Those who believe them to be real suffer from delusions which might need professional help. They seem to have bigger issues other than just seeking a "pen pal".

Be wise in your use of the Internet. In the BDSM world, it is a wonderful tool to gain some knowledge and to meet people. You now have the ability to tap into people all over the world. However, be judicious in the emotion that you put into anyone you meet online. And, as soon as you can, get some real human interaction involved in the relationship. Start moving the process into real time.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.


Anonymous said...

good read

Anonymous said...

i have to disagree with you Sir. and yes i am an online slave but not one with a miserable life..omg before meeting my Master, i was for the most part happy. My life was good, college educated, divorced, good job....and met the man who became my Master...i was happy but now complete. I am not overweight nor smoke :)nor is my Master bald and dumpy. Gawd....

I promise you i know reality and games....what we share is real.. It's is hard and demanding with my Master. He knows who i am as a person. How many real life slaves/subs have i seen that are soooooooo overweight...Doms afraid to demand a diet is necessary for fear of upsetting their girl. geeez. Is that looking after their best interest...that they have high B
P amd cholesteral, a stroke or heart attack about to happen.

I dont drink, nor do drugs. I am happy and real. I am not misguided but truly know what i seek and my Master provides. I would bet that most dont get out of real time what i do online. If so, then why all these slaves constantly complaining about servicing their Dom and about limits? I am pierced, collared, tat with His name, and soon to change my real name to whst He chooses. I am real Sir. Yes real life is better of course. but as my Master put it and i quote....

Online vs Real life. Lets first look at what Domination and submission is; the dictionary says
Dominance - "a position of dominance supremacy, superiority, ascendancy, preeminence, predominance, domination, dominion, mastery, power, authority, rule, command, control, sway; literary puissance.
Submission - he wanted her total submission compliance, submissiveness, acquiescence, passivity, obedience, docility, deference, subservience, servility, subjection.
As a Dom I seek the slaves submission, the slave wishes and feels the need to submit to a dom, the dom wishes to control his slave. Simple huh?
Can this happen online? You bet it can, there is no reason it cannot, I think of religion as an example millions submit to their God all over the world without ever physically meeting him. A general controls an army, the soldiers may never met the general but go into battle under his guidance. You see, submission is a mental thing it comes from the mind that willing to submit and that doesn't require real life touch. Now, don't start with the replies that I think I am a god or military leader, my point is that it can happen especially when one believes in the cause and again trusts in it.

Is it better than real life? I would say no, certainly real life would out weigh any online comparison. But, I have personally seen real life D/s relationships and they have no where near the submission as I have seen online. It comes down the the people involved and what they put into it, like any relationship.

I enjoy your blog Sir but all i can tell you is how i feel as a slave. As you get tired of hearing of the onliners swear our everlasting devotion to our Masters, i get tired of real time slaves constantly bitching. I would give my right foot to take their struggles in real time with my Master. gawd let me be a slave that sits at His feet and is a slave 24/7.


Anonymous said...

oh and one more thing Sir, i talk daily with my Master in voice, seen Him in cam, has His phone number, talked to Him on it, and knows of His emplyment. And He is hotter than Brad Pitt any day :) yeah i never will be able to compete with angelina's lips. *sighs*


Dennis Najee on September 15, 2009 at 6:00 PM said...

Thank you for your comments briseis. You said many reasonable things. Of course, my writings may not apply in every situation. However, when it comes to online, it does apply in 95% of the situations (based upon my estimates).

I personally know someone who swore a couple months back what she has was real. Her "Master" was real, loved her, and was going to take care of her and her children. This person was confronted with homelessness and was only rescued by another slave totally unrelated to her situation. Where was her "Master"? Off in another country with his family. Needless to say this was an real eyeopener to her.

I give you credit. Knowing something about your Master is crucial. Having his phone number, address, work information, etc... is what one can do to protect him or herself from some of the online games. And, utilizing other forms of communication such as the phone move a relationship from virtual to reality.

The exception I take to your comment is that it is important to remember that a footsoldier in battle doesnt obey the general; rather he obeys his sergeant who carries out the superiors orders. In addition, I would venture to say those millions around the world who submit to God would say they met felt him physically in their hearts.

Once again, thanks for your lengthy comment. I wish you and your Master the best.

Anonymous said...

At the risk of stirring up a hornets nest I would like to know what benefits of 'serving' someone online only can give a sub/slave. Where is the physical contact that all relationships need? Where is the actual living of the life 24/7 with your Master thus learning all the good and bad parts this life holds for subs and slaves ? Is online real ? Well in some ways it is a great stepping stone into communication and learning but it can never actually be totally real as it is not real - and I say this with no disrespect to anyone but in order for a relationship to work there needs to be interactions, pleasure and displeasure, rough and smooth, there needs to be actual human contact otherwise it cannot really be a relationship that is going anywhere.
You say you serve your Master and I have no doubt that you do, but online serving and real time serving are worlds apart, when you are not feeling well it is all too easy to hide it behind a screen, the same as when you are unhappy or something is hurting you, this is not possible in a 24/7 relationship, that is when a slave realises her Master is human and when a Master realises that unlike the blog posts that I have read at times, a slave is human as well and not some celestial angel whom is perfect in every way.
Sorry, just my thoughts on this

Anonymous said...

Yes i understand your comments gotta love those that choose not to show who they are...but yes i understand and i do understand the difference believe you much as i crave the domination from my Master, i crave to be with Him in real time..what slave wouldnt that is completely dependent addicted to her think we love sitting typing away never feeling His touch or being disciplined by Him...i cry myself to sleep every night wanting, needing it so badly human touch from Him..but it is what it please i as an online slave understands completely the differences..i ache and cry, my body at times needing wanting Him so badly i sob times thinking i am never good enough in His eyes...


angel on September 16, 2009 at 5:18 AM said...

I can understand the comments made by all people, what I cannot understand is briseis's comments that she cry's herself to sleep at times thinking she is never good enough in His eyes - having never met either of you then I can only comment on what I read and if being online only with someone is making you this unhappy then why do it ? Why not make the transition to real life if not with Him then with someone who will be able to show you the wonder of r/t M/s and teach you more as the relationship developes ?
It must be hard to never know the touch or whispered caress of your Master, to never know from a look in His eye that you have pleased/displeased Him, to have Him hold you when things are tough, and if these are things you crave then its obvious that online is not enough.
I know there are people who only want online, who have no desire to move to r/t and while i can't understand that I can realise it is their choice, what I feel sad about is when they say they serve Him 100%, that they are His for the use of, any task/chore/order is carried out with no hesitation, this I have found through experience is not as rewarding or fulfilling as r/t ( I was online for 6 months before I moved to my Master ) while the feelings are there, there is not real connection, and in M/s BDSM there needs to be a r/t connection to be able to live this life as a sub or slave.
I am sure you are devoted to your Master but if you meet with other r/t subs and slaves you will find that they will have a much broader idea and understanding of the life, its not all sunshine and roses, its not all candlelight and walks in the park, its life with all it brings.

Anonymous said...

I dont cry tears of unhappiness, but for me its just tears of need, and want so desperately, that ache you feel in the pit of Your stomach, in your heart. He is my Master. I never would have believe someone could truly submit online and feel it really, truly surrender all, but i have...and regardless i guess for me it's a true sacrifice i must make. As i recently heard quoted in a movie...i would rather have pain everyday of the week and twice on sunday then have to live with regret. Regret goes on forever.
Thank you,

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