Switching

If there is any single topic which creates controversy within the BDSM community, it is the idea of being a "switch". For whatever reason, there is a mindset which says one must be either dominant or submissive. The idea that someone could have both tendencies is foreign to most. For this reason, they discount this sector of people in an unpalatable manner.

In my book, An Owned Life, I covered the subject of switches. This is a topic that is not written about too often and I believe this leads many to fail to get the answers they seek. Whenever the topic is broached in forums online, I see the fangs come out. Many are comfortable degrading those who claim to be switches by denouncing their sincerity. The idea that both domination and submission ring within an individual causes others to call them "fakes" and "pretenders". I find this sad since there are so many true fakes and pretenders who need to be called out.

Here is my skinny on people who are switches. To start, they are as normal and natural as everyone else in this lifestyle. Just because they are different does not make them any less so. They play an important role in the BDSM community with the presence being heralded as opposed to denounced. Their quest for happiness is found within the same lifestyle as the rest of us. And, their trek to get here mirrors ours in the frustration and catastrophes experienced in the traditional world.

Switches simply are people who have both tendencies naturally. While this will vary from person-to-person, it seems there are situations which brings out one versus the other. For example, I run across women who like to dominate a woman while being submissive to a man. Their preference is based upon gender. I also met women who dominated their husbands while bringing me in to dominate them. These people use the type of relationship to dictate their choice at that moment. Finally, there are some who allow the individual personality of the other person to dictate how they behave.

This is just a snapshot of some of the behavioral types that I encountered. As mentioned, I am certain there are many more. The bottom line is that these people are just as welcomed in BDSM circles as Masters and slaves with 20 years experience. Online degradation of these individuals shows the fallacy of the people involved in those particular venues. Anyone who takes the time to explore inwardly what he or she is naturally belongs in this way of life. Sadly, as we all know, the online world is full of people who are pretending to be something. My experience tells me it is not the switches who are pretending. One might want to look at the "Masters" and "slaves".

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Switch

When writing about the BDSM world, authors such as myself tend to focus on Dom and sub (or Master/slave). However, we often overlook the third category that many people fall into: switch. For many, this is the one that creates the greatest confusion.

A switch is someone who likes to both dominate and be dominated. It is not uncommon for this to be present in bisexuals who are involved in this way of life. Nina Hartley is an example. She is one who prefers to dominate women yet is submissive to her man. A switch likes to go "both" ways in terms of domination/submission.

People who fall into this category are an important part of the BDSM community. They are no less involved than someone who is fully dominant or submissive. Their choice is simply following an inner desire. For them, being a switch is a natural part of their life.

I have witnessed situations where a "Master" liked to dominate while also being dominated. This is where I break from the normal thinking on this. In this type of situation, the switch is not a Master. His desire to submit shows that he is incapable of maintaining the exchange of power that was granted when his slave ceded it to him. Total power exchange, by it's definition, means completeness. It is not something that a Master gives back to his slave. A true sub (slave) does not want the power back.

My observation is that a switch of this nature is not capable of fulfilling the role of Master. A Master is one who has the inner desire for absolute power. At the same time, a slave has the inner desire to give that power fully. A switch has the desire for both. This strikes at the very foundation of the total power exchange.

Be mindful of this observation when you are trying to determine where you fit into BDSM. Dominant is not better than submissive or vice versa. We all are simply fulfilling inner desires that are part of our natural makeup. If you feel the desire to be a switch, then by all means follow that path.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.