May 31, 2009

"Poly" is more than a word

The "poly" lifestyle is something that is practiced by many both inside and outside the BDSM world. It is not something that is exclusive to D/s/ or M/s. However, like with anything, there are some who can handle and some who cannot. In fact, it takes a particular type of person to achieve happiness in a poly situation.

Many seem to think they are able to succeed in a poly relationship. Sadly, the majority cannot. It is similar to those who believe they are cut out for M/s. The truth is that only a small percentage can live in this extreme lifestyle. I would surmise that most who call themselves "slaves" are truly only subs. This becomes evident when they move to real time.

We wrote often of the perils of the Internet. While it is a fine tool for meeting people and gaining exposure, it also leads many to believe what they are experiencing is real. Again, the fallacy of this belief becomes evident when they enter a real life situation. Suddenly the nirvana online is replaced with the reality of life. This lifestyle is simply not for everyone.

In poly BDSM, many crave the idea of having "sisters" to share things with. It is a romantic notion that gets quickly smashed when personalities get involved. The truth is that everyone will not get along all the time. Jealousy is an animal that is almost impossible to tame. Questions about fairness, the time a Master spends with another, and what each is given are all brought up. Slaves are suppose to consider their Master's desires first. Nevertheless, most in poly focus their attention on their individual needs. This is where one ceases to exist as a slave. She suddenly is thinking with the mindset of a traditional relationship.

I would guess the percentage of people who are capable of truly being happy in a poly relationship is to be in the low single digits. It is a rarity to meet the person with the internal strength to understand that fulfilling her Master's wishes is what is important. Most will do things to sabotage the Master's relationship with the other(s). Some of the most underhanded tactics are used to make another look bad in the eyes of Him. When this occurs, the online "sisterhood" is destroyed.

Can you handle being a house slave while another is the pleasure slave? If He decides that He will give all time and attention to another, is this something that you are able to accept? Are you okay with sitting in the background waiting until He determines that He is ready for you? These are all ideas which most overlook when "playing" online. Reality offers a harsher picture than the virtual realm of the Internet.

So how can the chances be increased for success in a poly situation? I wish I had the answer. As the regular readers of this blog know, I am poly Master and have been that way for a long time. My track record is wrought with many train wrecks. Drawing on this experience, I can only conclude that it is a crap shoot in the best of instances. There were people I swore were perfectly suited for poly only to learn they struggled the most. At the same time, some presented a complete surprise by being accepting of all conditions that poly represents.

That being said, the only suggestion I can make is that all parties go into the situation with their eyes wide open. Understand that the people who are capable of this type of relationship are few. That means the odds are slim that you are one of them. Forget the romantic notions of an ideal family arising; the truth is there are lots of arguments, struggles, and tears. In the end, many get hurt when they find out how difficult poly really is.

Online poly is a word that carries little power. In reality, poly is a situation which can create jealousy, loneliness, and heartache. Consider the ramifications before moving forward with this type of situation.

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