January 1, 2010

"A Foot In Each Life"

Many people who presently are living in the BDSM lifestyle started following the traditional path that society sets out for us. We go to school, fall in love, get married, and have a couple of children all in the quest to live "happily ever after". Sadly, as most of us know all-to-well, the happiness seems to leave the equation. Throughout this entire process, many of us encounter the "square peg in a round hole" feeling. We simply did not fit.

Thus, we undertook the process of seeking out something different. Many of us were surprised when we came upon the BDSM way of life. Suddenly, we were home. We found something that rang true for us. It met those inner feelings which were suppressed for so long. But, alas, this brought up the inevitable question, what to do about all the responsibility that was acquired when following the traditional path?

This is a very common situation. I encounter it all time whenever I am chatting with new people. Usually, there are a couple of factors to consider. To start, many are with a person whom he or she loves completely. However, that person is not interested/suited for BDSM. There might be some light play but that falls short of what is desired (especially if the person believes he or she gravitates toward the extreme). Often, this person is in a long-term relationship which is not discarded easily.

The above situation often leads to the second issue many have: children. It is a fact of life that many who are interested in this way of life have small children. This brings up the case where one's responsibility is going to be split simply because of necessity. Being a parent is far more important than any decision to enter this way of life. However, many seem to feel they will have the same experience as those who enter without children. My experience is that this is not the case. Children bring an entirely different dynamic into the equation which might not be suited for them.

People in this situation often find themselves with the feeling they have "a foot in each life". This is understandable. I find there are many times where one is ready to join the BDSM way of life yet are unable to do so because of the prior responsibilities. The only solution in my mind is for a person in these circumstances to wait to realize the dream of living this lifestyle full time. Even when the desire to move forward is present, time is usually required to handle responsibilities gained while in the traditional world.

Unfortunately, I have not seen another way around this situation. Those who attempt to rush forward end up creating more problems for themselves in the future. Success in a BDSM relationship is difficult enough without lingering issues from previous relationships.

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