January 11, 2010

The BDSM Mindset


A central part of this lifestyle is the separation of power. Whether one is in a D/s or a M/s relationship, the simple fact is that the basic foundation is the exchange of power. It is what separates this type of life from the traditional.

This brings up the mindset that is required for success. Sadly, as I travel around the different chat rooms I frequent, I notice an absence of the mindset that is required for success. It seems many are actually seeking an equal placement within the relationship.

The bottom line is that the dominant person is to lead in the relationship. This entails a great deal of responsibility and should not be taken lightly. In many ways, it carries a similar connotation to that of a parent. Whenever the life of someone else is in your hands, it carries a severe amount of responsibility that should not be taken lightly. This exceeds for more areas than just having a sex toy available to you. Those who cannot undertake this in the proper manner are better suited for something else.

We see the same idea on the submissive side. Many do not develop the mindset of submission. Society promotes equality on every level. Unfortunately, this conditioning is counterproductive in the BDSM world. We establish our lifestyle based upon inequality. There are those who want to control and those who want to be controlled. The meshing of these two outlooks are what allows for success.

Trouble arises when one wants to assert him or herself in ways contrary to this ideal. Also, there are times when one is simply unable to handle the separation of power. Psychological strength, especially on the part of the submissive one, is crucial. Often, a dominant one will want to emphasize the separation of power via erotic humiliation (I wrote a book about this subject found here). A true self worth is crucial if one is to emotionally deal with what is occurring. Again, this start in the mind with one's self image.

BDSM is a wonderful way of life. However, nobody who has lived a day in real time will ever tell you that it is easy. We encounter all the challenges that the rest of society deals with. At the end of the day, our relationships require work and attention. Anyone who believes this is an easy path is starting off with the wrong outlook. There are no free rides here.

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