January 25, 2010


I read many posts in my travels dealing with contracts for the BDSM lifestyle; specifically the M/s section. Many seem to feel this takes their experience in the lifestyle to another level. Unfortunately, they fail to think of the ramifications of what this means.

They say the best time to plan a divorce is on the honeymoon. This sounds insane but few ever consider what will happen when a relationship ends. Most believe that their present relationship will carry on forever. However, we all know, based upon the divorce statistics, that more than half end in divorce.

A written contract seems like a valid way to further enhance the M/s experience. Nevertheless, it is something that I recommend against. It is crucial to think of how things can turn out if they do go awry.

To start, it is illegal in the United States and Europe to "enslave" someone. We live a life that is consensual in nature. It is impossible to bind someone into something that is illegal to begin with. Therefore, a contract means nothing in that regard.

On the flip side, this contract could be entered into court as evidence of abuse. In fact, there are a number of cases which this is what happened. A couple ended up in divorce court and the "Contract" was entered as evidence against the husband. Needless to say the court was not understanding about the lifestyle. I cannot say for certain, but I am sure that the authorities might take a further look to see if charges are warranted. Neither of these situations is endearing.

The submission that exists in this lifestyle is consensual. We operate a life within the spirit of our actions. There is nothing legally binding about the way we live. Anyone is free to leave at anytime. Slavery is illegal. Period. However, there is a certain spirit that we live by. Those who break it, in my mind, are not worthy of being in this way of life. We have an agreed upon structure and expect those involved to maintain it.

Therefore, no contract is required. My opinion is nothing good can come from writing anything down. Even if things seem rosy now, consider what will happen if a hotshot divorce attorney gets hold of that. You will be raked over the coals. The upside of a contract is limited and the downside infinite.

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MC on January 28, 2010 at 11:37 AM said...

When I was new to the lifestyle I liked contracts as a mechanism for communication between myself and my slave. I refined my contract based upon my experience with several slaves. Then I forgot about it.

I forgot about it, because is was just a piece of paper rarely referred to. The real contract was between my Dom soul and my slave's soul. There and only there did the comittment matter. Negotiation, as would be done in writing up a contract is still in order, but the paper is not.


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