January 27, 2010

The Downside To BDSM


I often mention that BDSM is a lifestyle. The key word here is life. Those who think that BDSM is a way to avoid this basic concept are in for a rude awakening.

One of the problems with online, in my opinion, is that it allows people to flee from reality. The Internet, by its very definition, is virtual. There are many things that mimic reality but it just is not the same. Nowhere is this more evident than in the BDSM lifestyle. Those who believe that online is real are way off base.

BDSM is a wonderful way to live. However, it is not without it's difficulties. People who live in this lifestyle have to deal with the same trials and tribulations as society in general. We have health, financial, work, family, and relationship issues. In many respects, we are identical to the traditional way of life.

Many seem to want to make BDSM into the fantasy lifestyle they are always seeking. This is nothing more than a Cinderella complex to me. Those who believe that they will live "happily ever after" by entering a BDSM relationship are usually disappointed.

Our days are not filled with the sexual exploits that are depicted online. While we will engage in scenes and alternative sexual practices, most of us find daily responsibilities take their toll. Those seeking to be "taken care of" usually are taken aback when they realize that they are going to have to continue as a responsible adult.

Running away is never a solution. Yet, I encounter so many who claim that this way of life is the answer to all their problems. Sadly, it is not because of the simple fact that they are the source of their problems. Entering the BDSM world will not compensate for poor judgment or interpersonal skills. Being a user and a taker sits no better in this way of life than it does in the traditional. And, belligerent assholes are still belligerent assholes. BDSM will not compensate for shortcomings of character.

The downside to a BDSM relationship is that it takes work. It is not the fairytale that many imagine. All the fantasies created online and in books are smashed when one enters into real time. Sadly, some never let go of the delusions in their mind. This develops another set of problems.

BDSM is not a fantasy. It is a full blown lifestyle with the same everyday problems that exist everywhere else. If you are one who had difficulty with everyone you met in your life, I am going to surmise that you will have the same problems here. BDSM is not going to suddenly give you a likable personality.

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1 comments:

MC on January 28, 2010 at 11:20 AM said...

Dennis,

I agree with all you say except the last line of your first paragraph -- "Those who believe that online is real are way off base."

Online can provide the mental, emotional, and through assisted masturbation physical connection people seek. We've all heard the brain is the largest sex organ in the body, and online can stimulate the brain. What cannot be simulated is the actual touch of a dom's body upon the sub's. Now I will admit that is a BIGGIE, but for some it is only the physical aspect they engage, calling that real and leaving out the very important mental, emotional aspects.

So I say those who believe that online is real are deluded.

 

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