January 2, 2010

Saying "No"

So you want to be a slave? Is this what you consider yourself? Well, I got news for you: there is no quicker way to piss a Master off than to utter the word "No". Anyone who feels that he or she has the right to negate something that is told by the Master is completely off base. Many seem to think this is a halfway venture; it is not.

The fundamental basis of M/s is the complete and total breakdown of power. If you want to live as a slave, they you agree to give all power over to the Master. It is that simple. This is not negotiable. Anyone who believes that he or she retains the right to deny whatever his or her Master wants showing a lack of respect to not only that person, but also the lifestyle. This is not a half ass program that we run here.

As I travel throughout the Internet, I see many who like to disobey their Masters. They do this in an assortment of ways but the end result is the same. Many times the slave will simply say "no". Other times, the action that was instructed is left incomplete. The slave conveniently attends to other matters. Hell, I have even heard of instances where the slave left a M/s relationship because she decided it was over.

BDSM lives by the motto "safe, sane, consensual". This is the premise that allows us to interact in ways that best suits everyone. I can see the situation of a slave removing him or herself from a relationship if that person's physical safety is jeopardized (or that of the children). Nevertheless, short of one's safety, once the submission is made, the time for discussion is over. M/s requires obedience; in other words, do as you are told.

I know my words here seem harsh. They are meant to be. Many seem to think they are ideally suited to be a slave. It is the answer to all that ails them. Sadly, few are seriously cut out for this way of life. If you find that the hair on the back of your neck is standing up at these words, then you might want to reconsider you decision to live this aspect of the lifestyle. M/s is at the extreme end of the spectrum. This will evolve into areas that you never considered. Giving up control sexually is only the tip of the iceberg. To succeed in M/s, you must fully internalize what it means to have your life in the hands of another.

Those who grasp this concept understand how "no" is like poison. Nevertheless, some still wish to engage in that behavior. They feel they have the right to disobey their Masters. This strikes at the very foundation that M/s is built upon.

In the end, there needs to be trust. Many submissive types (online) like to mention how important it is that they are able to trust the one they will submit to. This is a sensible thing to do. However, few realize how crucial it is that they earn the trust of the one accepting that submission. I can tell you from experience, each time a slave disobeys, in whatever form that takes, my level of trust in her drops significantly. Masters have expectations upon slaves and when they are not met, trouble arises.

Therefore, a slave is confronted with a choice: obey or say "no". While there are times when a Master is certainly wrong, confronting him (her) or behaving in an antagonizing way will not help the situation. I can speak from experience when I tell you that I quickly lose respect for a slave when she behaves in this way. At the end of the day, a slave needs to know his or her place.

Again, my intention here is to illustrate the extreme nature of this aspect of the lifestyle. A good slave will remove "no" from his or her vocabulary. Those who understand this often find success in this lifestyle. Sadly, most are not willing to do this. That is why I concluded a long time ago that most are really subs as opposed to slaves. The extreme nature is intolerable to most. Their words and actions repeatedly prove this point.

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slave isabelle on January 4, 2010 at 7:55 PM said...


The word "no" had been banned from the girl's vocabulary along with a number of other words by Master. This however does not mean the girl can't question a command, especially when in public and Master may have not thought through the possible consequences of the girl doing as ordered. In this situation she still cannot say "no", but more along the lines of "Has Master considered ..." or something along those lines. The only thing the girl can refuse to do are those things which were negotiated prior to becoming Master's slave...

Peace and love,
slave isabelle owned and collared by Sir Rick

wee one said...

Interesting topic. Following the edict of removing "no" from the vocabulary works outside the lifestyle, too. I've never been in an M/s relationship, but my professional doctrine is to mention challenges and provide options to foster discussion, rather than saying "no." The results are often unexpected and beyond what we had imagined. Removing that word prevents knee-jerk reactions, fosters more thoughtfulness and opens the mind to greater creativity.

Where does following this doctrine leave me on the slave/sub spectrum? I'm still working on that.

Thank you for writing this blog. It is a great service that you provide with this information.

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I've always thought to became a slave of my sister but I've never had enough courage to tell her that...

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