October 26, 2010

Raising Standards

Many of the topics that I write about are not exclusive to the BDSM way of life. The reason for this is because this lifestyle does not alter the basic rules of mankind. Many of the teachings about success, relationships, and personal growth equally apply to someone who opts for this path. However, as my regular readers know, there are some twists to the lessons of the traditional world.

Standards: The Bar of Success

Quite simply, the level of success anyone achieves, in any area of life, is in direct proportion to the standards that person has. In other words, whatever the bar of success is, that is the level most people aspire to. We see this in business, sports, and relationships.

To illustrate this point, in years past Tiger Woods was by far the best golfer in the world. Now, let me ask you, was his talent remarkably better than the others out on the PGA tour? While a case is made that he was further advanced in terms of talent, the truth is that Woods held himself to a higher standard. His goal was to win every tournament he entered. Second place was a failure. This is the mindset he had each week for years. Contrast with the others who were happy if they won. He expected it.

We can also see this concept played out in relationships. Have you ever seen that man or woman that makes others envious? This is the type of person who turns heads whenever he or she enters a restaurant. All of us, at one time or another, have dreamed about what it would be like to date someone of this magnitude. Yet, how many of us actually have? The truth is the many of us told ourselves we could never get someone like that and settled for something less.

As an aside, please bear in mind that I am not stating that the only worthy people have movie-star looks or that relationships are based solely on the physical. I am using this as an example to illustrate the belief that 'someone is out of my league'.

These two examples show how the standard one sets has a direct influence upon what is achieved. If one wants to achieve more in his or her life, he or she just needs to set a higher standard.

Self Esteem

Self esteem is a factor that plays a large part in this idea. I found that the standard people hold themselves to is directly related to their level of esteem. A person with high self worth is not going to tolerate settling for anything less than is possible. At the same time, people who lack this crucial asset tend to underachieve because they are willing to accept less.

I write frequently how many submissive types tend to lack a healthy esteem. That is an observation based upon encounter hundreds, if not thousands, of individuals of this sort. Therefore, one of the major responsibilities of the person to whom he or she submits is to raise that person's esteem. Sadly, this creates a paradox since the lack of esteem usually equates to one getting involved with someone who is substandard. This is where the trollers are given an opportunity. If all submissives had a fair amount of self worth, the pretenders would not stand a chance.

It takes a great deal of esteem to believe that you are worthy of the highest that life has to offer. This is something that few, inside and outside the lifestyle, can do. Tiger Woods was able to view himself as head and shoulders above the best golfers in the world. His standard is that he wants to be 'the best who ever lived'. This outlook is not possible unless he has the esteem to match it. The same is true for you and every endeavor that you embarked upon. If you think you are worth more, you will set your standards higher.


Like most everything in this lifestyle, this particular concept is not only applicable to the submissive personalities. Dominants have to undergo the same process of looking at his or her standards so as to move forward. If a person of this type carries a low esteem, you can imagine the level that he or she will strive for. Again, we get substandard results.

I am a believer that one cannot effectively assist another unless he or she is first willing to undergo the change. Raising standards is not exception. If one is going to be a successful Dom/Master, that person must first be willing to raise his (her) level of performance. Shedding off the old standards is the initial step. If this is difficult, then that person needs to focus upon his (her) esteem level to match up the expectation with self worth.

A large part of a submissive types growth is going to be in this area. The truth is that many enter this lifestyle with a life that is in disarray. For whatever reason, the majority believe this way of life is the answer to all their problems. And, on one level, it is. Of course, the key factor is whether or not the person gets with the right person to set him or her on the proper path (we are assuming the person we are referring to is cut out for this way of life to start). A Dom/Master must hold one to a higher set of standard because there is a terrific chance he or she is incapable of doing it. This is part of being an effective dominant.

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babygirl cricket on November 2, 2010 at 6:24 PM said...

I have been lurking around here for some time, but finally wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I enjoy your writings. They are filled with such intelligence and wisdom.

Thank you for having such a wonderful way of reaching your readers!

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Dennis Najee on November 7, 2010 at 5:40 AM said...

Thank you for the kind words baby girl cricket. It is nice to know that my writings are having an impact upon people.

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This is my social website where real people in this lifestyle can interact with other likeminded people.

babygirl cricket on November 9, 2010 at 11:28 AM said...

Thank you for the link, I am off to check it out right now. :) Sounds great!

Warmest Wishes,
baby girl cricket

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