October 19, 2010

Being A Good Person

This sounds like a post that should be located on one of those 'woo woo' blogs where people talk about feeling and being good. While there certainly is truth to that dynamic, this is also something that applies to the BDSM world. As you travel around the web, you will find that not everyone you encounter meets the aforementioned criteria.


Have you ever thought about what qualities are needed for being a good slave? Or, to look at the reverse, what are the traits needed to be a good Dom? Are these things that you commonly find in most people? These are all questions that I considered over the years. And my conclusion is that few possess them.

To start, the online world is a forum for dishonesty and misleading intentions. The anonymity that it provides enables people to create persona which may or may not reflect reality. Sadly, I see so many who buy into the online persona believing that the ideal match was found only to later realize that one was tragically misled.

Therefore, be sure to consider the qualities that a person exemplifies before considering him or her for any interaction. The truth is there are no shortcuts in this life any more than in the traditional world. People, for some odd reason, believe that entering this life will solve all relationship problems he/she encountered over the years. This is a belief that meets with a disappointing ending.


Being a good person means being infested with goodness. Of course, the definition or traits that equate to being a 'good' person will differ for each of us. Nevertheless, it is safe to say that dealing with a person honestly is at the top of the list. Nobody likes to be lied to nor misled. This single characteristic eliminates most of the online morons since I believe, based upon personal research, that more than half the individuals in this medium (within the BDSM community) are misrepresenting themselves in some manner. Obviously, this puts the odds against someone immediately.

I often tell people, either dominant or submissive, to ask questions of anyone who he or she is interacting with. Some will use the belief that a submissive is not entitled to ask questions because of her place. If anyone tells you this, go to their profile page and write 'fake' on it. Everyone is entitled to ask questions to get to know another person. One cannot make a life decision without the necessary information.

In addition to honesty, I feel that integrity is also part of being a good person. This is something that is larger than honesty but still applicable. Integrity means being a decent person from top to bottom. It is the living according to a set of ideals or principles which hold oneself to a higher standard. This is vitally crucial in a BDSM relationship since each person has a responsibility to the other person. I do not believe anyone can be a good Master nor slave without having integrity. When one is conditioned to live according to less than admirable standards, he or she will ultimately only use the other person. This is another situation I see too often.

Being a good person means that you will behave in ways that produce the best results for all involved. Overtly selfish people cannot meet this criteria since they are too self-absorbed to consider others. At the same time, this same person lacks the maturity to successfully engage in a relationship of this magnitude. Considering how others are affected by one's actions, whether dominant or submissive, is a sign of a good person. Those who are only out for their own ends cause havoc every step of the way. These are the people that you want to avoid.

In closing, I will mention that it is best to remember all the life skills that you learned over the years. Many of the same attributes which create success in all relationships are applicable here. At the top of that list is common sense. Please do not forget to use your naturally gifted mind. Common sense will help you avoid many pitfalls that ensnare so many others. Use your head...you will not regret it.

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