October 5, 2010


Most of the people I encounter simply have no business being an a BDSM relationship. In fact, I can go one step further and proclaim that these people have no business being in any type of relationship whatsoever. I make these statements based upon the single criteria of ability to handle responsibility. Most, from my experience, are not adept in this area.


I cannot tell you the number of people I ran across who are using BDSM as an escape from as opposed to a way to fulfill their lives. For whatever reason, especially on the submissive side, people believe this is a path that will allow them to escape from the realities of life and, thus, relationships. It is almost as if they expect the skies will open and bright rainbows will appear. There are so many with the 'polyanna' outlook that it is unbelievable. The overwhelming notion is that 'all my problems will now be solved'. Sadly, reality allows has a way of manifesting itself.

The truth is that many of the same skills required for success in others areas of life are just as applicable here. Therefore, those who are lacking those abilities will encounter the same difficulties as before. While we are involved in power exchange relationships, the truth is that we are still dealing with life. Everything that transpires in the traditional world is included here. Illness, family matters, and financial situations are all part of our lives. Anyone who is using this as an escape from those struggles is going to be disappointed when he or she realizes there is no hiding.

Be Responsible

Responsibility is something that I found many shun. This is not something I based solely upon the people who I met in this lifestyle. Rather, it is an overall conclusion about people in general. The masses do not seem to gravitate towards be responsible. Instead, the mainstream ideal is to shun this like a virus. Irresponsibility is the call of the day with more and more adults behaving like children. To me, this does not foster an environment for successful relationship; a sentiment proven by the divorce rate.

Success in the BDSM lifestyle requires a large amount of responsibility on the part of both parties. A BDSM relationship entails each person fulfilling roles that make the situation move forward. In M/s, as an example, the Master is the one with the responsibility for steering the relationship to where it needs to go. If one asked the question "where will we be in 5 years", it is the Master who should be able to answer this question. (By the way, none of your business only shows that he/she never thought about this). At the same time, a slave is responsible following the mandates as they are spelled out to the best of his/her ability. There are times when a slave is left alone to perform the needed tasks. If effort is withheld, then he/she is lacking responsibility.

We all have responsibilities. Personally, I believe that each of us is responsible for taking the initiative to grow and learn in all that we do. This is how we increase the skills that we have. A slave who forgoes this while 'waiting for direction' is not an asset but a burden. While the direction of the relationship is determined by the Master, the acquisition of new abilities is up to the slave. At the same time, a Master has the same responsibility to enhance his (her) abilities. This is how stagnation is avoided. There are so many different areas within this lifestyle to explore that I believe it impossible to know everything. Everyone can always learn more.

Success in life depends upon being responsible. Those who concentrate on this in their BDSM relationship will find thinks go smoother. It is time to embrace life as opposed to fleeing from it.

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Deus on October 5, 2010 at 12:41 PM said...

In my opinion the issue isn't so much as responsibility as it is accountability. Perhaps they are one in the same, but I feel that there is a dividing line in the sense that people make mistakes. Maturity can be measured by one's likely hood to fess up to their misteps and take the needed measures to not repeat themselves.


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