The Start: Mindset
How we see ourselves plays a large part in the success we experience in this lifestyle (as it does in all aspects of life). This is one of the main reasons why I believe people need to take the time to acclimate themselves with this life. I see so many who want to rush into it without taking the necessary time to adjust to the new life. A great deal of this involves the mental conditioning to be able to serve in the role one is seeking to fill.
It all starts in the mind. So many claim their are slaves, as an example, but do they really view themselves as such. Can they picture what it is like to live under the control of another? This is something that must be accomplished mentally before it can flourish in reality. The same holds true for one who is dominant. If he or she seeks to 'own' another, then it is crucial that person mentally picture what that. Domination starts in the head, as does submission.
Many want to control through fear. This is the way of a weak person. True strength comes from taking control of another mentally, physically, and psychologically. Ultimately, it is the controlling of the mind that allows two people to explore the great depths of a BDSM relationship.
It Takes Time
The proper mindset takes time to develop. My experience is this is something that doesnt come overnight. Instead, the process occurs in stages. One starts to identify with a particular role. However, the idea doesnt fully sink in for a while. It is similar to a newlywed. One consciously knows that he or she is married the moment the vows are taken. However, there is always the 'aha' moment a few weeks/months later when one is quiet and realizes 'damn, I'm married'. That is the instance where the mindset changed.
Viewing oneself properly is crucial to success in the BDSM lifestyle. I see so many who try to fake their way through things. Self-doubt is apt to sabotage any relationship. I tell people, especially when new, that there is no use in lying about one's experience. The truth will ultimately come out because the person doesnt believe it him or herself. In effect, the individual's self image does not match what is being stated.
Viewing yourself as part of this lifestyle is key. That is something that takes a while. When we encounter this way of life, most of us are anxious to get involved. Nevertheless, we all know that knowledge must be garnered to properly reflect what we are. Knowing you are dominant or submissive is not enough. We ultimately need the outlook that reflects that mindset in all we do. Knowing what you are enables this to become a part of you. Over time, you are unable to think any other way. The 'new' you is the 'norm'. And it all starts in your head.
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