October 6, 2010

Emotional Issues

Before getting into today's topic, I will issue a disclaimer of sorts. There are some people who have deep-seeded emotional issues which require professional attention. These are not the people I am referring to. Anyone who is in this situation should always be directed to the proper medical facilities to garner the proper treatment. Mental and psychological issues are best left to the pros.

That being said, today I am going to direct this post to those who seek to dominate (although it is as applicable to submissive types). I encounter so many who like the idea of having someone do everything that he or she is told. Granted, this is one of the benefits of being a Dom/Master. In addition, when one adds in poly, the idea is absolutely heavenly for many. Now, there are two people to serve him or her. This is something that is really attractive on the surface.

Emotional Control

I often write about the need for everyone to focus attention on growth. One area that is highly important is growing emotionally. Most people suffer from a lack of emotional control. In fact, it is so back that many people are nothing more than a raw nerve waiting to erupt. Their entire life is ruled by emotions. They are the classic stimulus-response example. If something happens (stimulus) they instantly respond from an emotional perspective. The emotions are in control.

As mentioned, this is something that much of the population suffers from. It is not just individuals involved in the BDSM lifestyle. Nor is it something that is exclusive for submissives. Dominant personalities are just as inclined to fall off the emotional ledge if they are not careful. That is why I believe all should seek to increase their emotional abilities.

Domination Is About Control

We all have seen children who behave in manners befitting of a child. Sadly, all of us witnessed the same behavior out of adults. It is never pretty to see one 'lose' it emotionally. Whether it is the fits of rage from anger or the shedding of tears in fear, the result is the same: one is not viewed as 'together'. In an age where we are sensitized to the point where it is okay for men to cry, we lost site of the fact that those who are out-of-control emotionally fail to be in control. People refuse to follow basket cases.

Relationships are about trust. Those who are entrusted with leading a relationship must be worthy of that trust. Emotional control is one way this is done. One who has this ability is viewed as strong. Sadly for the masses, the reverse is also true. Domination is about control and it starts with controlling oneself. Make this a priority in your life.

Dealing With Breakdowns

Everyone has emotional breakdowns periodically. This does not mean that we are a candidate for the local loony bin. However, we all get upset to the point where we allow the situation get the best of us. I believe this is human nature. However, there is a far cry from the occasional instance as compared to a personal pattern.

One of the responsibilities of a Dom/Master is to deal with the breakdowns when they occur. Getting back to the nirvana of multiple subs/slaves, one needs to expect that he or she will get hit with simultaneous breakdowns. The term 'threesome' doesnt only apply to the bedroom. Having two woman (in this instance as example) means that you get to deal with twice the issues. Suddenly the utopia that was your life turned into alternative hell. Tears, yelling, and name calling are par for the course. And, I can tell you from experience, the balancing act between the two is impossible. No matter what one does, it is never enough. One will always feels slighted (usually both do). Acceptance that this is a no-win situation is your only chance of survival.

The trick is to get one settled on firmer ground so as to attend to the other one. Of course, this is not always possible. Oftentimes, a Dom/Master is powerless over either since they both are emotionally out of control. This leads back to the original point that growth is the most important priority in any relationship. If a sub/slave is not growing emotionally, problems will ensue in the future. This situation is only compounded in the poly realm. Emotionally immature people do not have the capability to rationally work their issues out. Therefore, the only solution is for a Dom/Master to treat both as children. If you got into BDSM to be a babysitter then this will be heavenly. However, for the rest of us, it is a major pain in the ass.

Consider these words the next time you set eyes on your sub/slave. Is this person growing emotionally? Ask yourself this question on a regular basis. And do not forget to look in the mirror yourself. An emotionally out-of-control Dom/Master is less useful than a submissive. Your work starts with you.

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