October 12, 2010

Desire: The Starting Point

Desire is the starting point for all change. Any self-help program will cover this topic in great detail if it is worth anything. The central fact is that people will not change anything about themselves or their lives unless they first have the desire to do so. It is that simple. No matter how much we try to exert influence upon another person all is fruitless until that person has the inner craving for something different.

We can see this in all walks of life. It is a well known fact that excessive weight is a hazard to people's health. Intellectually, most of us know we need to drop some weight (if we are heavy). However, how many people actually do something about it? Very few. At the same time, we have people on the opposite end of the spectrum. They were grossly overweight and struck up the inner urge to change that about themselves. These are the people who we see lost 75, 100, or 150 pounds. They are the inspiration for others as to what is possible.

Desire is an important element in the BDSM community. I am a believer that this life, or at least aspect of it, are so far removed from what we are ordinarily taught. There is a learning curve that everyone must transcend if he or she is apt to be successful in this lifestyle. Anyone who has entered into this knows that it is not an easy path to follow. No matter what aspect of the lifestyle one is in, there is a certain desire necessary to grow and learn. A lot of what we deal with take discipline and regular effort. Becoming a proficient Master or slave, as an example, requires patience, study, and motivation. There are many benefits to be reaped yet they do not appear without effort.

The starting point for all change is desire. Obviously, it was a desire for something different that led you to begin looking at this life to begin with. People do not seek change unless something is amiss with the present situation. For most of us, we simply were not fulfilled following the traditional path. There are many among us who obey the societal directives perfectly only to realize that perhaps they were misled. Going to school, getting the good job, meeting the nice girl, marrying her, and having the family is the prescription that society sells as the path to happiness. And for many it is. Nevertheless, we are the ones who desired something different and used that desire to embark on a different journey. Finding this way of life was the first step in the fulfillment of those inner needs.

There are also times within our 'BDSM lives' that we need to tap into our inner desire. For example, we are all aware of how relationships can go 'stale'. When two people are together for an extended period of time, it is possible to take each other for granted. This is something that many have to work at overcoming. And guess what is needed? Desire. Do you have the desire to put forth the effort to take your relationship to another level? If you do, then you will put for the energy to do those things that make a difference. Perhaps it entails exploring another aspect of the relationship previously overlooked. Or it might mean altering a schedule to interact with each other in a different manner. Whatever is needed, one needs the desire to continually move forward.

Desire is something that we need to regular search for within ourselves. Life has a way of battering us at times. And he (or she) has a way of getting under our skin to the point where we want to throw in the towel. The decision to do this or not is in direct proportion to our desire to make it successful. At times desire is flowing out of our eyeballs. Others times it is hidden deep within us. Nonetheless, it is something that we need to bring to the surface regularly. I found that everything else stems from it.

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